BPDFamily.com

I have been on all the boards at one time.  I have been on the staying board, then I moved to the undecided board, and then I went on the leaving board.  And today, I am posting on the staying board.  I really wonder who has the mental illness.  I have always loved and believed that somehow we could make it work.  My dBPDgf came to talk to me one day.  She started telling me that she started therapy again.  And her therapist told her that she needed to do things that she loved to do, so that she could find her identity.  So she started making a list of all the things she loved to do. She goes to the gym, dancing once a week, reading her favorite book, and volunteering at a children's center once a week.  And then she went on to tell me that she missed me and that she still loved me.  And I felt the same.  We have been taking it slowly this time and it seems to be working.  I have learned not to react when she starts to push away.  During our time apart, I too started finding a life apart from her.  I too started doing things on my own and I started seeing a therapist for my co-dependency issues.  Is it going to work this time? I don't know.  But what I do know is that I have to give this new her a chance.  It always baffled me how she would always come back to me after we broke up and as far as I know there hasn't been a replacement.  She told me the other day that when she gets to close to me, that she becomes afraid that I am going to hurt her and abandon her.  I thought this was kind of like a break through.  And there have been a couple of times, she has told me that she was starting to feel that way.  So I reassured her that I wasn't going any where.  I am hoping I can keep the strength up to keep doing what I am doing.  I wonder if anyone knows if it will ever level out or is this just something that has to be done forever.  Do they ever just relax? Or is the attachment disorder always present?   I was also wondering for those that are married, what is the relationship like being married?  She has been talking about getting married again. 

When you consider marriage, you are talking about a lifetime. Does marriage make them calm down? No, because life is full of ups and downs and marriage doesn't change how someone responds to those. I don't know all about my parents' marriage on the personal level ( mom with BPD) but I think there were good times and not so good times depending on life stressors and regular life events.