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Title: I just don't know what to do when my daughter says that she will never be happy Post by: chopfner on February 10, 2015, 09:32:41 AM My daughter is in her late 30's and is in an unhappy marriage. Her husband is uncaring and sometimes physical to her when she expresses her fears to him. It will inevitably end in a hugh fight. She has three children and wants to leave him but is afraid to do it because she has hair loss due to stress and her miscarriages and pregnancies. She is presently living away from her home due to his job that may last for another year. She will call me looking for help and advice from me as to what to do. She will sometimes agree to what needs to be done but she is so very depressed an unhappy that she feels that she can't do it. She feels that if she leaves him that she will be all alone and that no one could ever love her because of her hair loss. A lot of conversations that we have start out with her yelling and screaming on the phone, accusing me of not caring because I won't come and help her. I honestly don't know what to do. I lived with them most of the summer due to her being on bed rest with her last pregnancy. I also stayed an additional week when she had an infection after Christmas that required hospitalization. She got very mad that I left after she was feeling better and accused me of not caring. I know she feels that she has no life, but I feel the same way. I am seeing a very good psychologist and she has suggested that I join this group for help. My daughter has OCD andBPD. Not an easy combination to treat.
Title: Re: I just don't know what to do when my daughter says that she will never be happy Post by: Tim300 on February 10, 2015, 09:49:47 AM My daughter is in her late 30's and is in an unhappy marriage. Her husband is uncaring and sometimes physical to her when she expresses her fears to him. It will inevitably end in a hugh fight. She has three children and wants to leave him but is afraid to do it because she has hair loss due to stress and her miscarriages and pregnancies. She is presently living away from her home due to his job that may last for another year. She will call me looking for help and advice from me as to what to do. She will sometimes agree to what needs to be done but she is so very depressed an unhappy that she feels that she can't do it. She feels that if she leaves him that she will be all alone and that no one could ever love her because of her hair loss. A lot of conversations that we have start out with her yelling and screaming on the phone, accusing me of not caring because I won't come and help her. I honestly don't know what to do. I lived with them most of the summer due to her being on bed rest with her last pregnancy. I also stayed an additional week when she had an infection after Christmas that required hospitalization. She got very mad that I left after she was feeling better and accused me of not caring. I know she feels that she has no life, but I feel the same way. I am seeing a very good psychologist and she has suggested that I join this group for help. My daughter has OCD andBPD. Not an easy combination to treat. Welcome. Sorry that you are going through this. Are you sure that her husband in uncaring? It sounds like she has a pattern of accusing people who do care of being uncaring (which I believe is very typically for BPD). Title: Re: I just don't know what to do when my daughter says that she will never be happy Post by: Eggdad on February 10, 2015, 10:21:15 AM Dear Chopfner,
Communicating with a daughter with BPD in a way that will help her and without triggering her is a challenge, to say the least. The key skill that will help you do this is validation. This is the single most important tool the has helped me help my own dd. Start with the "Validate the valid" link on the right side of this page. Your dd's feelings that she will never be happy are valid in the sense that she really feels that way. In true BPD fashion she may also feel that she doesn't deserve to be happy. Validation is acknowledging her feelings, for example "it must be really scary to feel that you will never be happy". You write your dd has OCD and BPD dx. Does she accept this dx and is she willing to work at getting better? |