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Title: Like everyone else on here, I never thought I would be on here Post by: GrowThroughIt on February 10, 2015, 06:46:35 PM Hi All,
As the title says, "Like everyone else on here, I never thought I would be on here!" Just a quick bit of background information! I'm a guy in my early 20's and have just got out of a relationship with a woman two years my senior. She fits the description of someone with NPD and by extension BPD. Was the relationship short lived? Yep! Was it a really intense relationship? Hell yes! Did I feel for someone in a way I never had before? YES! After 5 weeks of NC, writing things out in a journal, chewing my friends and families ears off, using all kind of search terms in Google, experiencing highs and lows, I stumbled across this website yesterday morning and I am grateful for it! I do however find it becoming almost like an addiction, like a form of sedation. I just hope that I do not use this website as a crutch for a long period of time, and stand on my own two feet soon! The best thing about this forum? It really does feel like a family. I've noticed from the posts I've read that everyone posting has a big heart! It seems to me that we all seem to be very sympathetic and giving. It seems a tragedy that it was our big hearts which were used against us! Alas! Onwards and upwards, I say! Sometimes, all we can really do is laugh! (As you might be able to tell, I'm experiencing a high right now! Earlier on I was wallowing in self pity under the shower!) I plan to post my story in more detail and hope to gain some more insight/answers, as well as hopefully help anyone reading my posts. Expect to hear from me soon! And please (and I say this more for my sake!) don't let anyone get you down! Especially not someone with BPD who can not even work through their own issues! Stay strong! Title: Re: Like everyone else on here, I never thought I would be on here Post by: Wood stock on February 10, 2015, 08:03:14 PM Welcome... .I've only been on here a few months, and it has been very helpful. I hope you get some answers that you need (though some of the questions can never be answered)... .you seem to have a positive outlook and strong spirit... .Those two things will serve you well.
Title: Re: Like everyone else on here, I never thought I would be on here Post by: Mutt on February 11, 2015, 07:23:52 PM Hi KnowThyself
*welcome* I'm sorry to hear that. Relationship break-ups can be excruciatingly painful. We're wired for bonding. Those with a defense mechanism against pain may have difficulties letting go and accepting that the relationship is over and may sleep with their partner, or stalk them. Persons with low self esteem tend to take rejection the worst and more likely to blame themselves with reasons that the relationship is over. It's not to say that people with high self esteem aren't affected if they are the dumper or dumpee; or are immune to the pain and anguish in a break-up. It is to say that they tend to take less than the lion's share of the blame after the relationship is over. I think it helps identifying our attachment styles in healing as it's beneficial and can speed up our recovery. Early development and attachment styles with a caretaker or guardian can help with how we cope in a relationship break up. Partners with caretaker that gave them a sense that they were around and promoted trust are more sensible to their partners emotions or changes. The other side of the coin; partners with inconsistencies with in early development are more susceptible to defunct relationship pattern. They have tendencies to hang on rather than go through the pain. Not long after the break-up leaving up to several weeks there are biological effects in the brain; similar to a drug-user going through withdrawals. These are areas linked with distress and pain; craving and addiction; motivation and reward. Helpful tips
There's a mythology with love sometimes where we may think that the partner is our one true soul mate. There's nothing magical about one person. In fact we have compatibilities for many potential people. What helps is not demonizing the ex partner. It's a waste of time and slow's down one's healing process. What's important is to not avoid the pain and to go through it, the sooner you have, the sooner you process it. This will help with moving on. Excerpt As reported in a recent issue of the Journal of Neurophysiology, Fisher rounded up 15 people who had just experienced romantic rejection, put them in an fMRI machine, and had them look at two large photographs: an image of the person who had just dumped them and an image of a neutral person to whom they had no attachment. When the participants looked at the images of their rejecters, their brains shimmered like those of addicts deprived of their substance of choice. “We found activity in regions of the brain associated with cocaine and nicotine addiction,” Fisher says. “We also found activity in a region associated with feelings of deep attachment, and activity in a region that’s associated with pain.” The Biology of Breaking Up (https://bpdfamily.com/content/breaking-up) Title: Re: Like everyone else on here, I never thought I would be on here Post by: christin5433 on February 11, 2015, 08:08:44 PM Hi All, As the title says, "Like everyone else on here, I never thought I would be on here!" Just a quick bit of background information! I'm a guy in my early 20's and have just got out of a relationship with a woman two years my senior. She fits the description of someone with NPD and by extension BPD. Was the relationship short lived? Yep! Was it a really intense relationship? Hell yes! Did I feel for someone in a way I never had before? YES! After 5 weeks of NC, writing things out in a journal, chewing my friends and families ears off, using all kind of search terms in Google, experiencing highs and lows, I stumbled across this website yesterday morning and I am grateful for it! I do however find it becoming almost like an addiction, like a form of sedation. I just hope that I do not use this website as a crutch for a long period of time, and stand on my own two feet soon! The best thing about this forum? It really does feel like a family. I've noticed from the posts I've read that everyone posting has a big heart! It seems to me that we all seem to be very sympathetic and giving. It seems a tragedy that it was our big hearts which were used against us! Alas! Onwards and upwards, I say! Sometimes, all we can really do is laugh! (As you might be able to tell, I'm experiencing a high right now! Earlier on I was wallowing in self pity under the shower!) I plan to post my story in more detail and hope to gain some more insight/answers, as well as hopefully help anyone reading my posts. Expect to hear from me soon! And please (and I say this more for my sake!) don't let anyone get you down! Especially not someone with BPD who can not even work through their own issues! Stay strong! Hi, I've been here since Dec and I'm so grateful to all these posts I don't know what trouble I may have dove into if I didn't start this its kept me to continue on recovering wo drama! I was reflecting on how all of us have such similar situations . I mean all of us are dealing w hard b/u and getting the empathy and compassion we need to get through our days plus trying to understand a illness that's affected us deeply. It's like a family , I totally appreciate this forum. So welcome! Title: Re: Like everyone else on here, I never thought I would be on here Post by: GrowThroughIt on February 11, 2015, 09:44:22 PM Thank you Woodstock, Mutt & Christin5433 for the welcomes and encouraging words of support!
This forum is definitely a good means of support. There comes a time when speaking to family and friends gets too draining for them! Also, a lot of people do not understand BPD. It's always "She/he is crazy. She/he is no good for you, he/she treated you like crap, just get over it!" For example, a friend of mine who I spoke to about my ex first, I told him tonight that I figured out my ex has BPD and he just kind of laughed, as if he thought I was just trying to say she was crazy, but really I was saying MUCH more than that! BPD is a very real thing. It's a shame that those who suffer from it can't see that, and rectify it! |