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Okay- working thru the lessons... .Here's my thoughts on #2. there was no real assignment... .so I am making this up.

Really the only one of the 10 Beliefs that can get you stuck that I really get stuck on right now is #5.

"5) Belief that things will return to "the way they used to be"

BPD mood swings and past break-up / make-up cycles may have you conditioned to think that, even after a bad period, that you can return idealization stage (that you cherish) and the “dream come true” (that your partner holds dear), this is not realistic thinking. Idealization built on “dream come true” fairytale beliefs is not the hallmark of relationship maturity and stability - it is the hallmark of a very fragile, unstable relationship. As natural relationship realities that develop over time clash with the dream, the relationship starts breaking down. Rather than growing and strengthening over time, the relationship erodes over time. The most realistic representation of your relationship is not what you once had – it is what has been developing over time."

The relationship just got worse and worse... .not better. When I came back the second time, I know I cautiously kept one foot out the door... .but I wanted so badly for those good times to return.  But as much as he didn't truly love me... .I think I realize now that thru this recycle... .I fell out of love with him. I care about him as a human being. I miss him as my best friend. But I am not in love with him anymore. It's good. It still certainly hurts. I will be okay someday... .and I just can't wait until I am more healed.

and my definition of what i want in a relationship right now is:

Maturity

Honesty

Selflessness

Trustworthiness

Integrity

Empathy

Devotion

Singleness of heart

An ally

A companion

I'm sure there are others that I can't think of at the moment.

But he was not capable of any of those in the end. He was not my ally.

It got worse over time. I had hoped it would grow but little by little he picked away at what we had and I know longer know him. 4 months out and N/C. I have no idea where I am going or what I am doing but I know he has moved on and the loneliness is all around me now... .

my dear sweet daughter, 5, told me back in the fall that my BPDx and I were bucket dippers. I said "what?"

"Mom, you are both bucket dipping! you need to stop."

Wisdom from a 5 year old. At first I had no idea what she was talking about, but I asked her more questions. Her kindergarten class was learning about bullying. Bucket dipping is when someone puts another person down. Bucket filling is when someone brings another person up.

Bucket filling is what we do here! :)

But bucket dipping. My BPDx just bucket dipped and dipped and dipped, until there was nothing left. There is nothing left. He never did anything to help refill it- bucket fill. He just took and took and took. And now that I use this analogy, I seem to think there must be a hole in the bottom of his bucket because even with all that bucket dipping he did from me (and other girls at the same time) he surely should have filled his bucket 10 fold. But no, he remains as empty as I am now.

downwhim- I am sorry for your loneliness! Someone once told me that we are only as lonely as we want to be. I believe that to an extent. I have made much more of an effort to be social, to be the one that reaches out to family and friends, and to keep a full social schedule. It has not come easily as I was not very social most of my life. But it has really helped to cultivate my friendships and has helped me feel not so lonely. I hope you feel better!

I like the bucket dipper analogy.

Although sometimes it is hard for me to be more precise because I don't know much of the situation (whereas I tend to detail things too much).

As far as whether things will return to the way they once were, it make me think of climate versus weather.

Weather is the up and down flow of temperature and precipitation over a short time.  But climate is the average.

You can have ups and downs in temperature (for example) while the overall temperature is decreasing (like a rush of warm wind in late fall).

This is a confusing thing.

I'd like to look at the relationship average and how it is changing over time, and not focus excessively on the short term "weather" of the relationship.

It is well known that if you make other focus on shorter term changes that you can "hide" longer term trends.

Just think of gas prices going somewhat up and down but changing longer term in a certain direction.  Snaking around a trend line in order to hide the trend line, perhaps consciously or not.

^^^[Like button]

I know. Im 6 months out and the loneliness is horrid. I was replaced in a week. Im left picking up the pieces while she enjoys a new r/s. Hang in there, its got to get better.

she isn't offering him anything better than what she offered you. She obviously didn't take time to focus on herself. stay strong! get out and strengthen your friendships and find new friendships. Maybe try a meetup group?