BPDFamily.com

Posted in the past and attempted to implement some suggested techniques; to no avail. I've been in an almost 4 year relationship with dBPDso. My last post concerned the holidays (Christmas & New Years). Because I live out of state now, the abandonment issues have intensified with push/pull, projection and a host of other BPD traits. After very little contact through the holidays; he asked if I'd come for super bowl week end. Reluctantly, I agreed and it was relatively calm; simply because I refused to be drawn into any kind of contraversries and baiting. There were no forms of endearments at all until I was leaving and he told me he loved me and to keep him in "the loop" and hugged me and snapped a traditional picture we've always done on my departure.

I returned and only casually text general info and well wishes for him. I did that for maybe a total of 3 maximum of 4 text a day. Last week in a rage, because I asked a simple curiosity question; he told me in a text he felt like I was smothering him since I left and that he "needed some space and time alone".

I didn't respond to the text other than to say, I was sorry he felt that way and that I didn't see it the same as he. I have not text but 3 times in 10 days; only to receive a curt, official response of "thanks" to one of the text. He announced to mutual friends that he was not going to continue ANYTHING in his life for 2015. All the while, living his life out with others in front of me on Facebook. Deliberately posting things he knows will affect me. His technique of silent treatment, ignoring me and punishing me is extremely hurtful. Once again, I am at my wits end and don't know what to do.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

"Radically accept" that this is part of the push/pull and go on with your life.  Are you willing to accept that this is they way this relationship will be?

Radical acceptance is difficult, I'm getting to the point where the pain is greater than my endurance or any benefit from the relationship. All the while, his life seems carefree and totally unconcerned except what he can manipulate out of me, emotionally, financially.

The push/pull is so intense it makes me think I'm the one with the mental illness. Very difficult to keep perspective with his amazing ability to twist and play games with my mind. The cruelty of his actions are severe until he paints me white and needs something.

If radical acceptance is not for you then what is the next step as you think you should do?

Hello Onceconfused, thank you so much for your comments and thoughts, I sincerely appreciate them.

My next step or goal at the moment in my relationship is to demonstrate as much consistency, stability and enforcing my boundaries as I can possibly do. He is punishing me currently by ignoring me and isolating me. I do not respond to his silent rages in this manner.

I have come to terms with the way things are now; since he refuses to go back to the therapist or accept any responsibility for anything. On the one hand he tells me all I have done to create the entire mess and that he doesn't want anything to do with me; while stalking every possible movement on FB that I make or any comments my children have to me; thus the SIP (silence/isolation/punishment). I do love him and have learned many coping skills as a result of this community and understanding specific BPD behaviors.

One of the coping mechanisms I am currently working on to perfect is the 3-C's. I didn't CAUSE it, I can't CONTROL it and I cant CURE it. Even with knowledge, the emotional aspect of loving someone with BPD is excruciatingly painful.