|
Title: To men who have BPD gf/wives Post by: Silveron on February 12, 2015, 01:49:22 PM When my daughter was born, my wife had to get an emergency hysterectomy. She demanded I go to the doctors and get a vasectomy even though I did not want one. I go there and the female doctor told me that she would not do it under these circumstances. Fast forward a few years later and she denies ever telling me I needed to get one even though she made me make the appointment!
All I remember the doctor telling me was that she had men come in before in this type of situation and that if I were to divorce (I was 30 at the time) that the chances of me ever having children again would be next to zero and most women at that age would probably not get into a relationship with a guy who had one done due to the small chance of ever having a child with me. It was my wife's attempt to stop me from ever leaving this marriage of abuse. Has anyone else have this happen? Title: Re: To men who have BPD gf/wives Post by: Mutt on February 12, 2015, 05:26:57 PM Fast forward a few years later and she denies ever telling me I needed to get one even though she made me make the appointment! She's dissociating = remembering things differently - lying. Altering reality to match her out of place feelings. Common behaviour: - Daydreaming, fasing out = dissociation - depersonalised sex = dissociation - "Black and White" thinking = dissociation - Self mutilation, cutting = dissociation - Remembering things differently than others do, lying = dissociation - Raging = dissociation We all have our occasional dissociation in the form of daydreaming, meditation, dancing on music until we get in a trance state... .But I believe BPD's do it quite often without having control over it as we do; and their dissociation does not limit itself to occasional daydreaming; it has a lot of different faces. If the feelings of the BPD do not match the situation or reality, the BPD will alter the situation/reality to the point it does match. They do this because they do not want to be confronted with their out-of-place feelings. BPD BEHAVIORS: Dissociation and Dysphoria (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=68392.0) My ex asked that I get a vasectomy; she said that she wants me to get a vasectomy and her not a hysterectomy. I was married 8 years - our third child was born and the writing was on the wall with my marriage. I thought perhaps I want another child with another woman. I said "no". Less than a year later she said she wanted a divorce and left and almost two years later she's pregnant with her boyfriend. I don't think that her motivation was to keep me in the marriage. She had a daughter from a previous relationship and she said no more kids. Now it could be she wanted a child with him, accidental, feared he was going to abandon her? I don't know, I do know she lacks impulse control. I made the right choice at the time with not having a hysterectomy because I sensed the marriage was in serious trouble. I didn't want to regret a chance not having another child with someone else. Title: Re: To men who have BPD gf/wives Post by: Wrongturn1 on February 13, 2015, 09:47:52 AM I had a vasectomy in 2008 and never regretted it. I have 2 great kids with uBPDw and would not want to add additional kids under any scenario (with uBPDw or without her), so I had no compunctions about moving forward with the operation.
In my case, I'm fully committed to staying with uBPDw, and even if she eventually leaves via divorcing me or suicide, I don't want kids with anyone else. Also, we had both kids before I came to understand BPD and the effects that it was having on me and the kids. I would not bring additional children into the situation, and I strongly urge everyone with a BPD significant other NOT to have kids with a BPD - it's not fair to the kids. |