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Even though our marriage failed and she has blamed everything on me. Even though she has taken zero resposibility for her contributions to our demise. Even though I could never trust her again. Even though she has spun a tale that paints me as the terrible person to everyone in her life. Even though there is so much wrong about our relationship... .I feel like I just want to reach out and tell her I still love her. I don't want to tell her this to fix things, or to get her back, or to accomplish anything other than for her to know that I still love her as much as the day we married. I keep telling myself we are divorced, 2 months NC, things are going well... .I am finally feeling a bit stronger, and I don't need anything from her. I feel like she can't hurt me anymore than she already has. I am having a hard time seeing why this would be so terrible. Even if I heard nothing back from her the idea of doing this feels good to me.

Two months ago I broke NC and told her how I felt, that I had been with no one else and wanted to be with no one else, that it wasn't too late to save our relationship and bring in 2015 together... .I felt the same way then, like I had nothing to lose. And her response was pure evil and hatred. I was so wrong! I didn't think she could hurt me and she did. But I did want to save us then. I don't now. I know it's over, But I still keep getting stuck in this cycle of thinking that I need to share my feelings with her, and I'm not sure what it all means. Maybe I am just lonely. We had a lot of nice times together. I want her to know I haven't painted her black like she has me. I want her to know that I still love the lovely things about her, even though I hate the hateful things about her. Does that make sense?

I won't be contacting her, I'm just sharing my feelings here.

My marriage with a BPD wife failed also. The more I told her I love her, she just showed me cruelty in return. You seem to be a good and kind person. I wouldn't contact her if I was you. All the "I Love You's" don't cure the disorder unfortunately.

Stay strong, don`t give in to that little urge, it was that little urge that kept you in a relationship that you knew was unhealthy for so long.

I think you answered your own question when you shared what she did to you the last time you reached out, she spewed her venom all over you, don`t give her another opportunity to do that to you, you will be giving away the power.

Still loving her is ok, just don`t let her know that, you will be sacrificing all the hard work you have done and giving away the power.

Just me 2 cents.