BPDFamily.com

Sometimes I just want to crawl in a hole and not come out. I am mentally and emotionally drained. How much can one person take?

I had a crisis during the week. My disabled sister called late Monday night saying Dad wasn't home yet. She was hungry so took her food. Stayed until he came home. He never did. He had some trouble trouble in the past with a couple of DUI's. He violated probation so landed himself in jail for several days. I told this story to BPDbf. I knew he would rage over this since he has in the past. I told him could either stay at my dad's with her or bring her with me to stay with us. He said what ever I felt comfortable with, I should do it. To my surprise, he tried really hard to act supportive and caring. He says if you need anything, I'm here. I bring her back with me. The cat we have is a little upset by this, hissing, growling and spitting at the new person in the house. I moved the litter box, food and water to the bedroom. Text Bpdbf let him know. Then text rage. He didn't sign up for this he says. He refuses to deal with my dad causing everyone to suffer, including the cat because of his irresponsibility. And on and on he went... .Finally, I take my sister back once Dad is back. I let BPDbf know she will be leaving. He says he never had a problem with my sister there. What? So why did he say he and was suffering?  The only thing that was different was the fact that she was there. I did not ask for help or support of any kind during this time. Despite him trying to be supportive in the beginning,  I still did not ask for a thing, knowing this would happen. It happened anyway. So, there that story.

Now I can relax, right? Wrong. I leave to take care of some errands.  When I return BPDbf isn't home. OK, I'll wait. It is Valentine's day. Maybe we can go eat or something.  Nope, he doesn't come home. I call him at 9:30pm. He tells me he is leaving from his ex girlfriends house. My jaw drops to the floor at this. Ummm... .what in the hell did he just tell me? Did I hear that right?  Did he just spend Valentine's day with his ex girlfriend?

Wow.   

My uBPDh does similar things when i'm not paying enough attention to HIM. Like if I am enjoying a hobby or just relaxing after a stress filled day and he tries to transfer his feelings about his latest delima and stress onto me & I just will NOT soak  up or take on any of his exaggerated emotions about whatever is the drama of the moment.And I think that pisses him off, even though I do listen. I also realize at 9:00 pm there's not a lot either of us can do about it at that time except lose sleep over it, which he does, I do not.   At least as far as the confusing and twisted mess with your head texts' and words. Fine one minute, not the next, sounds familiar. Mine does not have an ex as we have been together 35 yrs.I would sh-t a brick! Put that shoe on his foot and could you imagine? NOPE! What the hell? has he done that before? is she a threat? is he trying to get a reaction out of you? What happened when he got home?

Oh yes, he has gone out with her before. I told him I thought it was disprectful to go hang out with and ex. He called me immature then proceeded to talk about the time one of his girlfriends went with to another ex's party and was fine, not jealous at all. I told him that that is a completely different situation. He and her went together to see his ex. He didn't go alone. I am not even jealous, I just think it is not the right thing to do. Some would be cool with it. I am not. He doesn't care about that though.  He does it anyway. I don't believe she is threat but then again I've never met her. He says she is not the same person she was back in high school when they were together. He has told me how much he loved her and if he could do it all over again, knowing the bad outcome of the relationship,  he still  would. That last statement right there is part of the reason I do not agree with him going to see her. He says he would not care if I hung out with my ex but I feel like that is a lie. I do believe he does it just to pissed me off because he almost always does it when he is angry at me.

I made it a point to not be there when he got home. I was very angry and could not look at his face. I just waited until I thought he would be sleeping and came back home.

Hi B.K.

  I just re-read this and I sure hope things have smoothed out for u. I don't think I could put up with this behavior, I do get jealous. It's such a crazy thing, we got on to a huge disagreement recently and I told him I hated him for the first time ever! At that moment I did though. Every time there is an sudden un for seen change in our lives, it's always me who has to deal with it and carry the load. He is not capable of thinking rationally or calmly(when it comes to moments like these). I have to absorb it and think of a solution or something. He will spend his "absorbtion" trying to place blame and soon spins right into deregulating. I think I would dereg if he ever went to an ex's house even if not on valentines day. In our relationship early on we made a kind of set of rules, most of them centered around the phrase, "cause one thing leads to another". We don't dance with other peeps on "guys or girls night out", we always come home, etc,etc.  I'm about to add another one to our list though, I have been called a C--t for the last time, or I will with hold myself from him at least a month for every time he says it! DONE! That's when I blurted the hate statement, and lost control myself, I wanted him to see what it's like but I'm not proud of it. Next time I will leave before it gets to that point. I did end up leaving later though,  and slept in my car till 4;00 am, then I crept back in. We didn't talk for 3 days... .