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I'm not sure how long this will go on but he's been on a rampage.  My husband had a stroke back in October.  I've been by his side ever since.  There have been bad (as in really bad) moments, but they passed.  Now he's gone off the deep end again!

A friend of mine (whom he's not like since he's met) offered us a cycle exerciser for him.  She said she had it about a month ago.  I never was able to pin her down on getting it until recently.  I was going to meet her about 1/2 way (she lives an hour away) and we met at a restaurant.  I spent $50 buying dinner and wine for us.  I was having a good time.  When I got home he was pissed and it's lasted for 4 days now.  He won't get beyond it.  I've paid him back.  I've given him my last $ in my bank account and now he's cut me off.  He said I didn't deserve to spend the money and that she's a whore.  I know he's just worried about money and that's not my fault.  I've saved him thousands.  My sister put up the money for him to go to rehab after the stroke and has never asked for a cent back.  I'm so angry because he won't let me have access to any money.  Not that I give a hoot about the money, but that he wants me to ask him for anything I buy.  I've no freedom.  I can't leave him in this state because there is no one to take care of him.  Besides... .I don't WANT to leave.  He's ill in so many ways, but the good absolutely outweighs the bad in this relationship.  UGH!

Sorry to hear you doing it tough again rocky. Is this more a straw thats breaking the camels back issue for you, rather than a major hurdle in itself?

Whats the underlying motion that is triggering you here as opposed to the issue itself? You have seen some of the hard aspects of this order now to be able to self analyse and work through a way past this... What do you think your options are?

Waverider

I guess it's a trust issue, Waverider.  He trusts no one but he's the one that can't be trusted!  I've done nothing wrong.  I'm stressed to the max.  I don't get out of pajamas for days.  I take care of everything and he's going to treat me like this?  Argh!  His friend offered to get some time off and keep him for a few days.  I'm all about that!  I would dump him off on anyone who could keep up with his dumb a## right now! 

Is the trust issue a form of projection?

Sounds like you need break as your patience is running dry. I get much the same way when dealing with specific ailments. I got like this when we went through breast cancer... Genuine reason, but milked to the point I struggled with it. It is hard not to feel guilty at those times.

Wanted to offer you a hug or two!   

Don't forget that caretaker burn out is very real. Even if your husband was perfect and didn't have BPD, you would likely get burnt out and need a break from time to time.

Thank you both for your kind words.  Yes... .I'm burning out.  I know I need help with things around the house and caring for everything, but I seriously just want to be left alone.  Totally alone!  I love cuddling with my dogs, but I don't even want them around me.  It sucks the life out of me just to have to let them in and out of the house.  I don't want to have to waste my time standing by while he makes a phone call just in case he needs me to speak for him.  I don't want to have to cut up his food.  I don't want to clean up another mess of any sort.  All I really want to do is sit quietly by myself and not have to do anything for anyone.  UGH!  I'm venting again.