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Title: I think she became the victim (by design?) with me Post by: raisins3142 on February 17, 2015, 01:07:36 AM I ended things abruptly with my uBPDexgf and went limited to no contact right after.
That almost sounds like a BPD trait that folks mention: quick ending and little to no communication. Anyways, I mention that for irony perhaps. After our break up, as I've said here before, for the first few days, I was a major a-hole. I was very upset with her and texted/emailed some vitriol. Not as an excuse, but as an explanation, my "well of venom/hurt" was primed by our past and then she set a straw on a camel's back one evening. She was the better person in the regard of not reacting back with hurtful words, although I had not done what she had and my worst was my vitriolic reaction. She did not text back anything hurtful to the same degree. But maybe that was for lack of ammunition... .or caring... .but BPD... .and she during our relationship prior... .could manufacturer ammunition from thin air. So, I am wondering if by laying low and taking my scorn after the end did she continue her usual pattern? She was always the victim of her exes. Perhaps she crafted things so that I would very firmly (given what she knows of me) feel like I treated her badly (and with no hurtful reaction back from her) and she could likely leverage that against me and my feelings (to get back together or at least hold the high ground regardless of what precipitated my reaction) or she could use it as "see, it was never meant to be, he was just horrible" among her friends/family. Or I could be paranoid and she reacted as she did out of her own contriteness (knowing she was in the wrong) or goodness or other. Interestingly, she never really apologized for anything post break up. All of the apologizing was done by me over how I handled it. Title: Re: I think she became the victim (by design?) with me Post by: Infared on February 17, 2015, 02:08:21 AM My experience is: no matter what the situation... .THEY ARE ALWAYS THE VICTIM. They can be lying and cheating and doing 4 guys and somehow... .they are a victim. No matter what.
Who cares... .just run like hell and save you. It's like trying to turn water into wine... .there is just nothing there to work with. Garbage in... .garbage out. Title: Re: I think she became the victim (by design?) with me Post by: Copperfox on February 17, 2015, 08:17:06 AM BPD is a persecution complex. So yes, the victim mentality tends to be a core feature.
The most important thing you can probably take away from this, in the future (e.g. in another relationship), is always to be the best version of yourself. When you are angry, walk away, be patient. Don't be a major a-hole, don't spew vitriol. Don't react. No matter how much they try to provoke. Be the rock within the storm. Silence is golden. Title: Re: I think she became the victim (by design?) with me Post by: hope2727 on February 17, 2015, 01:24:45 PM BPD is a persecution complex. So yes, the victim mentality tends to be a core feature. The most important thing you can probably take away from this, in the future (e.g. in another relationship), is always to be the best version of yourself. When you are angry, walk away, be patient. Don't be a major a-hole, don't spew vitriol. Don't react. No matter how much they try to provoke. Be the rock within the storm. Silence is golden. Wow what a great post. Thank you. I needed that today. I am missing my ex so badly today. But I can't even imagine the extent of his smear campaign as it us pretty brutal from what I can tell. So no point in missing someone who doesn't respect me. Sigh. All I can do is improve and try to be my best version of me. Title: Re: I think she became the victim (by design?) with me Post by: Loosestrife on February 17, 2015, 02:01:23 PM My experience is: no matter what the situation... .THEY ARE ALWAYS THE VICTIM. They can be lying and cheating and doing 4 guys and somehow... .they are a victim. No matter what. Who cares... .just run like hell and save you. It's like trying to turn water into wine... .there is just nothing there to work with. Garbage in... .garbage out. I can't agree more with this. Not been cheated on, and only kept minimum contact after ending my relationship with BPDex, but every time they call to see how I am, it's really about them. A bit of time apart is allowing me to see their true colours and learnt manipulation more clearly now. |