BPDFamily.com

I am just curious and taking an informal poll.

Trying to "take my own personal inventory"... .I know the key to healing from the BPD r/s is figuring out myself and dealing with my own issues.

I know I am uOCD and I go thru fluctuations where it is worse and better. I have been for years and years... .probably since childhood. Unfortunately I don't have the "neat-freak" version of OCD. I have the counting steps version or the lick-my-lips version of OCD.  I am sure there is a correlation to the r/s with the BPD besides me just being vulnerable and codependent. I absolutely feel that my obsession with him after the b/u must have something to do with my OCD. I see so many people ask... ."why can't I get over it?", "why can't I move on?", "why is it such a strong connection?"

I, myself, cannot say I have ever had this obsessiveness with any other breakup... .ever. It's this one person. But I am wondering if my OCD has anything to do with the obsession and not getting over it.

SO- anyone out there have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and suffered at the hands of a pwBPD?

Maybe it is some sort of volatile combination.

Good question for discussion. I was reading this the other day: www.psychcentral.com/lib/when-ocd-targets-your-relationship/00019313

It may be that your obsessiveness, as you call it, could be related.

I have a few of the repetitive motion traits of OCD, though when I focus on them, they can go away. People close to me notice them. My son (S5), we've noticed has more pronounced versions (obsessive lip picking, e.g., organizing and arranging... .almost autistic-like, in a way).

It may have resulted in sexual dysfunction for me early in my r/s, though it's hard to process given an emotionally abusive partner. I got validation from two doctors, and never had the problem again the rest of the r/s. My Ex also have several different traits of OCD. Poor mix for both of us. I really don't know how much I might bring into a new r/s. In general, however, my traits don't seem to affect my friendships, relationships with my kids, or my work. I sometimes put one of my legs in and out of the car a few times (or I might crash on the way home... .or would that extra minute mean that I might be in a place where I might crash anyway?  :), so it may interfere with my commute now and then by adding a minute.  *)

Wow! Thanks for the article. I think that just blew my issues wide open. I think I have a lot of exploring to do. It explains my part of why my marriage to a non failed (my part anyway- he was still a liar and cheater)... .and definitely explains why I am the way I am following this bPd r/s. Granted there was no shortage of emotional abuse on his part in addition to immaturity, cheating and lying as well. But I have been trying to figure out where my issues have been. I think there is definitely something to dig into here for me. Thanks!

I have the 'counting / cleaning' version... .

3's are very important to me. :)

At the height of my trauma, the obsessive thinking almost convinced me that living was a poor option.

It is only by the Grace of God I am typing this today.

I spent 25 years total w my ex, 22 years living a total lie... .his mask was well attached.

I am so thankful for the crisis center in my town, where I could speak to an advocate one on one, go to group sessions, etc.

Had it not been for this organization, I would still be in an abusive relationship, or dead.

I embrace my OCD, and make it work for me.

It was out of control for about 3 years... .but I am thanking God for reining it back in!

I actually know that my ocd is a huge asset to me and my career. It is why I am a good musician. the last two days, I have been starting to realize the enormity of it in my life. I just thought it was a little quirk that only affected my silly little physical rituals. I had no idea how much it is affecting my relationships. This whOle thing has floored me. Of course I am obsessively reading as much as I can on how OCD is affecting other aspects of my life. But this obsessing about the pwBPD has got to stop for my sanity. I think I should put in a call to my T. She doesn't know I have it. I didn't think to tell her but she could probably tell. But I can't wait to dig deep on this. But I really need to stop the ruminations about the bPd. It's killing me. It's bad enough I was abused and addicted. But to dwell on it has got to stop somehow.

Is there a fine line between OCD and being "efficient"?  Everything just functions better when it is organized, but perhaps it is the degree of obsession that defines the difference?  My BPDs will notice if something is moved half an inch from where he had it.  He can also sense if anyone else has been in his space, even if there are no signs of this.  He is always right.

Chronic counting is prevalent with OCD.  Apparently it reduces anxiety because it is consistent and familiar.  Interesting.

I was on disability for OCD when I met my PD xw, and we had a long marriage, kids and then the usual train wreck.  I thought she was a high functioning BPD for 5 years after the divorce, then my psychologist told me she's likely a psychopath and things made more sense.  Many psychopaths have BPD features, thus the name "borderpath."

Here's a quote from "The Pyschopath Whisperer:"

[1940's psychiatrist Hervey] Cleckley reported that psychopaths never experience grief, honesty,

deep joy, or genuine despair. From my own experience, I would

add to Cleckley's observations that the psychopath never ruminates

on anything. Rumination is a process that often contributes to depression

and in extreme forms to obsessive-compulsive disorder.

The process of rumination is often associated with some anxiety or

subjective feeling of concern or worry, and this can help precipitate

change in the individual in order to reduce the anxiety. The psychopath

experiences none of this. Indeed, if you ask a psychopath if he

has ever worried about whether he left the house with the stove on (a

common problem among those with obsessive-compulsive disorder),

he will look at you like you are an alien, in stunned disbelief. Obsessive

compulsiveness is completely foreign to the psychopath's way of

thinking. Psychopaths are on the opposite end of the spectrum."

Borderlines are also on the other end of the spectrum from OCD.

Part of my attraction to her when we started dating was how fearless she was, when I was so wrapped up in my fears.  Then I never saw her afraid in 20 years.  Now I know she's not capable of experiencing fear, among other emotions, and it's creepy.

Polar opposites attract I suppose! Maybe that's how I can't understand how dishonest he is. Maybe its why I can't understand how he can just drop an argument like nothing can happen. I, myself, hang onto all that stuff and ruminate/obsess over it... .turning it over and over... .and trying to figure him out has been the biggest obsession of all.