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The only chord that needs to be cut is my sport’s team my exBPDgf was also part of. She already left by the end of September but showed up at some matches. She also stayed in our WhatsApp-group chat but left last Thursday. I have to say it really feels good that she’s out of the WhatsApp-group. I don’t feel watched anymore and feel like really some strong bond is cut already. But to cut the final chord I need to leave my team. I don’t really am afraid of her showing up again, I don’t think she will again after she also left the group chat. Still I don’t even want to give her the chance anymore. I know some might say I shouldn’t leave the team only because of her. And that’s not the whole reason. I don’t have fun anymore when playing the sport. It’s not actually the team, I really like it but I’ve lost the fun a long time ago. I also have some old wounds and associations because my exBPDgf used to play there as well. So I want to leave as soon as possible. I told my coach some weeks ago that I would leave after this season but now I feel like I need to leave right now. I know it’s not in the interest of a team when someone leaves right into season (the season ends by the end of April) and fort hem it would feel like a let-down. Especially because my exBPDgf did something similar when she left our team. I don’t want to look like the Borderline here, I don’t want to abandon the team and cut them all off. But I need to leave eventually, I want out. I don’t want anything to do with everything related to my ex. I want it out of my life. This really seems tob e like a BPD-move, right?

I just don’t know what to do. I mean, the second reason I want to leave now is because I want to start a new sport, so yeah. Would leaving for good and now make me egoistical and selfish? I don’t want to hurt others or make them feel like I let them down or something. But I need to do this… for myself. Once I need to be selfish.

What do you think? My coach knows about the trouble with the exBPDgf, but he doesn’t really understand, so I can’t just explain it to him.

I don’t want to behave and act like the Borderline wo cuts out everyone who triggers them but that’s exactly what I’m doing, right?

I hate hurting other people’s feelings, I hate letting people down… but I just want out. I’m ready now. It took me a while to be ready to let go fully of all, to cut every chord and stop being hopeful and stuff. Now I need to do it.

Do you think my behaviour would be justified?

You need to leave the team if you feel like it is the final step. Sometimes you need to be selfish, there is no way around it.

"Would leaving for good and now make me egoistical and selfish? I don’t want to hurt others or make them feel like I let them down or something. But I need to do this… for myself. Once I need to be selfish."

I am going the same thing I felt like putting myself up first now would make me an egoistical ass. Friend of mine told me that in her opinion it is normal that now want to put myself first as in a BPD and any other normal relationship, people often tend to put the other person first. So no you are not being an egoist. Its ok to take care of yourself first a bit.