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Why is this so hard? My girlfriend just discarded the relationship from one day to the next. It really never got bad. Sure there were red flags. Excessive use of her phone. flirtatious behavior with men and women. Blow ups at her kids and me only once. I did one thing wrong in three years of friendship and four months of going out and she has painted me black as you all say. I just want that communication again and taking care of day to day things like a normal relationship in which it never was. How do you resist the urge to contact? I'm on day two of nc and it is killing me.

Take it day by day - hour by hour if necessary - and remain n/c. Distract yourself.  Spend time with friends and family.  You won't want to - but do it anyway.

I know it's hard.  Incredibly hard.  But this is where your logic is flawed:

You're in a tremendous amount of pain and you think that contacting her will relieve your pain, but you're wrong.  It will not relieve your pain.  Contacting her will intensify and perpetuate your pain for whatever length of time (months? years?) that you willingly allow her to treat you like you are not worthy of love, respect, kindness and faithfulness.

Don't go there.  Stay strong.  Keep your self respect.  It WILL get better, and it will get easier if you remain n/c.

It will definitely get worse if you try to get you pain relief from the person who keeps causing your pain.

Instead of remembering the good times, remember the bad ones, or if there weren't really any, focus on the
; you'll never get into the relationship of your dreams if you stay emotionally stuck in one that never could have been.  We have conflicts between our head and our heart when these relationships end; our head knows it's right but our heart is mired in addiction.  Best to shift the focus to what was bad or wrong so your head can win the battle while your heart heals.

Try to focus on the bad times only! Write a list for yourself. Bad words, trips, nights, feelings, write and think about the losses of yourself in this relationship. Were you anxious, were you walking on eggshells, were you losing sleep, were you doubting yourself at times? Did you ever feel like you were losing your mind, like maybe it was you? Did you doubt you? Did you lose friends, family, time, jobs, your mind? There are many things to think about. N/c gives us the space and time to examine all of the wrong, but beware because our minds naturally want to only think of the good, amzing fantasy they played for us!

Read here about why you feel as you do. We have all been there! Read and slowly move forward towards the next space on the game board towards peace!

Hugs to you!

Rifka