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I met my BPDh to discuss the sale of our house and divorce.  He has a replacement he met a few weeks ago on a web site and is now in a relationship with.  He has been acting like a jack a@@ for the past three and a half months since he moved out but tonight he was all sweet and nice.  Told me that he is sorry for hurting me and he just wants to make the process easy for me and he will do what ever I want to get things handled as quickly and paid free as possible. He said that he still loves me and wants us to be friends    This really made me feel sad and upset and now i am feeling like crap again when i was feeling pretty good about moving on.  I came home and cried. I hate how everything seems to be going great for him  and I am just a mess and second guessing every decision i am making and struggling to get though each day without a breakdown.

P2014,

My Ex telegraphed to me that she wanted to be something like BFFs while she was still living with me and conducting her juvenile r/s outside of our home. She didn't say she loved me, but, "I'll always have a love for you." I had bought tickets for a diva concert a year before, but the concert was postponed. She still wanted us to go on the "date" as "the kids' parents." I refused. How could I have enjoyed it? I would have been meeting her emotional needs.

What helped me a lot in detaching, as tough as it was, was to practice the Joe Carver form of detachment, because in a sense, that's what it was. Bland, boring, as emotionless as possible. We weren't married, so had no assets to divide (basically, it would have been dividing my assets since she brought nothing into the r/s), but we had child custody issues to negotiate.

Article 10: Leaving a Partner with Borderline Personality Disorder (https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a110.htm)

As painful and traumatic as it is to see him move on like that, I would take advantage of the idealization phase of his new r/s. pwBPD seem to be consciously manipulating, but for the most part it's just their unhealthy coping mechanism. You can take advantage of his behavior and turn it towards your favor until your legal matters are settled. Deal with your emotional pain here, and with whatever support you have in real life.

Detachment comes in stages, each stage a little less painful than the last. Dealing with legal issues necessarily keeps us attached for a time, but that too shall pass. Play the long game.

Thank you Turkish. This article was helpful.  I have to see him again tomorrow here at the house and I am an emotional wreck, been crying off and on all day due to the meet up yesterday.  I am worried about tomorrow and don't want to start crying in front of him.  Just so tired and over this.