BPDFamily.com

Either way I want a success story. I'm in nc now for a few days after a three week abrupt end to a three year friendship four month relationship. My girl is not diagnosed but it is clear to me from learning about BPD that this is what she suffers from. My problem is I love her and now want any kind of relationship with her. In my heart I know that she sabotaged us and is running around in crisis mode all the time. I was very healthy before I got involved but now this has taken its toll I found this site a little to late as she has painted me black. I was always able to reach her heart but now I'm not so sure. Any advice on moving fiorward or what to say to her would be beneficial. I wish I could just buy flowers for her and she would come to her senses and somehow realize what happened and be open to getting help.

Hi Keysmiami.  We all want a success story.  I understand your desperation to want to recover your relationship.  I have been there too.  Many of us have been on the receiving ends of having an abrupt breakup with undiagnosed BPD partners.  Not sure if you really would "want any kind of relationship with her" if she were to continue to mistreat and disrespect you.  No one should have to put up with that.  I would encourage you to protect yourself and take time to regain your strength from the toll that this has taken on you.  It's always better to come from a position of strength than weakness to successfully move forwards with making the right decisions. 

It's important to remember that, BPD or not, we all live in our own reality.  And while we may wish that other people would "see things our way", that's about as rational as a pwBPD expecting you to see things their way. Sometimes accepting that is the hardest part.

Not sure what you mean by "success story" ... .what is it that you want out of the situation?  Are you trying to detach? To reconcile?

Sorry you're hurting Keysmiami.   I know exactly how you feel.  If you've been on this site even only a short time you should have read many other scenarios that mirror your posting.  I'm not a moderator or ambassador on the site but my personal feedback after being out for exactly a year and still struggling daily is:

- don't sell yourself short.   You deserve honesty, respect, love, intimacy, caring and commitment in any relationship.  don't settle for anything less.

- "come to her senses"... .wow, how many times have I said the same thing.   but... .you're trying to apply the rules of a functional relationship to a dysfunctional person.   It's like the Sinefeld "opposite" sketch... .doing the logical, reasonable thing WON'T WORK!  you'll have it spun back on you, this will all be your fault and you'll end up feeling worse than if you did nothing.

For me, I went strictly NC.   There's a ton of stuff on the Internet about this but basically just do it.  I'm the terrible poster child as she's come back three times asking to reconcile but she's not willing to put forth any meaningful effort to show she's committed to getting help and working on "us".    I took a long hard look at myself and why I would be willing to accept "less" in a relationship.  Fine, you love her.  I love my ex too and always will   Doesn't mean I should accept being treated as an option, being disrespected and manipulated, cheated on etc.    

After what you've been through, her and the relationship is like a drug and you're the addict.   I know how you're feeling - just the smallest contact, just hearing her voice means a huge wave of relief... .until the cruelness and accusations come out, twisting so it's all your fault, how you're stalking her etc etc... .

Put it this way, if you guys were soulmates, in true love and meant to be, how would she be able to walk away?  you can't because you're here.    she obviously could... .and in most cases over irrational things.   someone posted quite recently that you need to change your mindset from "how could she do this" or "how could I have failed" to "how could she be so foolish to lose me".

Hang in there.  :)o the self-growth.  Become a stronger, better person for your next relationship.

Thanks for the replys. This is so hard I loved what we had miss her kids but couldn't tolerate her insensitivity. She knew that and that's probably why she ended it. I had plans for her on her birthday and Valentine's Day and while dropping flowers off to her apt. it looks like someone beat me to it. She's cold hearted. It must be the disorder. I joined a gym but it's not helping me get over this pain. Why can't I knock some sense into her. She totally sabotaged the relationship.

At just a few weeks out from a disordered relationship, things are still very raw. I know you're confused and in pain.   It gets better.


There's no shame in loving someone. But sometimes, even if we love someone, we can't have a healthy and/or fulfilling relationship with them (for whatever reason).

You say you want "any kind of relationship with her." What possibilities are you thinking of?


What is your definition of a success story?


Whether or not your goal is to detach, it's important to radically accept her and the situation as she and it are - not how you wish/think they should be. In doing so, you let go of the outcome of things you can't control (her feelings and actions) and focus on what you can control (yourself).


These relationships definitely take a toll. And the end leaves us in such turmoil. You've been deeply wounded, and you need some time to grieve and heal.

The truth is, people who are very emotionally healthy don't get involved in disordered relationships. The gift of these relationships is that they can teach us so much about ourselves - our core wounds, our deepest needs, our greatest fears, our inner strength. Listen to what your feelings are telling you.

The best thing you can do right now - for both you and her - is to focus on yourself and take care of yourself.  

You're welcome, Keysmiami.  I miss mine and her 5 children too.  So I totally get where you are coming from.  She likely ended it to avoid being abandoned by you first, if she knew that you couldn't tolerate her insensitivity.  Their cold heartedness is typical BPD of having a lack of empathy.  They are great at sabotaging relationships too.  If we could simply knock sense into BPD people, there would be a lot of knocking going on out there.

I felt bad at the end of mine as well.  I had started to push back over some of the irrational behavior, and that seemed to accelerate the demise.  But what else could we have done?  At some point, you have to be honest about your feelings.  If someone chooses to react to them in a negative way, then how is that good for you? What else can you do?  Pretend that you feel otherwise?  How sustainable is that in the long term? 

Sometimes, the hardest part of the end of these sorts of relationships is facing our own reality.

Think the previous posts all echoed a great question for you, Keysmiami: what is it you want out of this situation?

No empathy whatsoever. Almost in human. I been through break ups but nothing like this yeah I guess I am not healthy emotionally to even get involved with a train wreck like her. It helps if I see her for what she us and not remember what she mirrored to me. She actually became everything I always wanted in a women. It was an illusion how sad how sad   I'm in a deep dark place now.

She wanted to be friends like it was before. I had a three year friendship with her. I started to do more and more for her. Pick up her kid from school everyday. Do all the man things she so desperately needed. My problem was I couldn't keep on doing that if I was not with her. I mean did she think I would be helping her while she is going out with other guys. The painful thing is she lives one floor above me. I think I have to move.

I'm so sorry, Keys... .I know it hurts.   I promise you it will get so much better.

Sadness always comes with acceptance. The FOG is clearing, and you're beginning to see who she is. It hurts like hell, but it's an important part of healing and detaching.


I don't blame you for not wanting that. It's very healthy that you're realizing your own needs and limits, and focusing on your emotional well-being.  |iiii

I imagine it would be very awkward and painful to live so close. If you think moving would be the best thing for you, then I'd say do so. The most important thing is taking care of You.

It's really sick. She made me desire her only to sabotage it and to discard me like a piece of trash. I was her best friend and did so much for her. I had both feet in and she got scared. I could accept it if she wasn't in to me or tgere was something lacking in our relationship. Her little one adored me and I took care of her. It's so painful because I've lost her too.

I want to ask her one question. Why did she sabotage it? Do you think I would get a response?

Key i infact have the same loss. you lose 2 partners in life and the void is huge. Time will heal all . You will have good days and bad days. Just be strong and work on yourself.

Go to the gym and go for a run, you will feel better after if only for an hour.

She probably would not even know what the answer is for herself let alone you.

I think Restored is right.  So she "sabotaged" things. Why? Because for whatever reason, you've become a trigger for her. She's trying cope with a lot of inner turmoil, the only way she knows how.

Pushing her for answers, answers to questions she struggles to understand herself, is probably not going to help either of you. You won't get the understanding you seek, and her emotional dysregulation will only deepen.  The kindest thing to do is to back off.

Happy Nihlist, Warney, and others have all offered some good advice about things you can do for yourself during this difficult time.

I broke nc she is ignoring me. I can't take it. Every minute seems like an eternity. I wish it would be normal. This is beyond cruel.

Hey Key. So sorry you're hurting right now. Good to see you here discussing your feelings with us. I know it how painful these situations are, I've been right were you are my friend.

Do you have friends or family you might be able to stay with for the weekend or even a week to get some time away from this? I think it's very wise of you to consider moving, is that an option for you right away?

Just to put her no response to breaking nc in perspective. 5 children is a lot of work and she may be triggered as well, I know it's hard but try not to take this personally. The lifestyle  you told us about is who she is, removing yourself from the equation can only help you regain your footing emotionally. 

Thanks for your reply. She has two children. I can't get off the couch today I'm devastated

There's a lot of info we can give you that will help in your detachment and healing, but it's too new and you're still too raw to hear it Key.  When I was where you are I was sitting on a couch too, drinking myself into chemical bliss; I don't recommend it, but it worked for me in the short term.  The worst thing you can do is sit and stew, and the best thing you can do is something radically different; go somewhere, do something, be with somebody.  You won't feel like it, but any distraction will help for now.  Take the body and the mind will follow.  Take care of you!

I'm sorry to hear that Keysmiami. I can relate with truly difficult days and moments when things were raw.

I think fromheeltoheal makes a really good point.

As crummy as you may feel right now, it's a good idea to find a distraction, get some fresh air.

I actually posted something similar to this a couple of months ago... .maybe its not what you want to hear (It wasn't what I wanted to hear at the time) but there are few if any success stories... .the ones that I read indicated slightly muted continuances of relationships but nothing to the effect where there was some revelation on their part, they returned to the relationship and lived happily ever after... .I recall people responding on that thread but all but one or two argued that there are few success stories.

Mine disappeared without warning... .no fights, no arguments; she has JUST moved in... .I went out of town and was notified via an angry text message after being together for over 2 years... .5 months later and I have still not hear from her (she blocked me from contact in every way that you could imagine). Maybe THAT'S my success story.

Unfortunately, dude, there is no such thing as a success story with this. The relationship you were in... .Unfortunately, it wasn't real. It was a mirage. A well played well acted mirage that couldn't be sustained. It was fun. It left us screwed up in the head. But that's all it was... .

'Success' may mostly be just getting through and surviving this, facing the facts, believing in yourself, and moving on. You can't go backward, or fix someone who's set on sabotaging herself and the relationship. Be as calm as you can and focus on letting go. Easier said than done, but doable.

I think I need to get to the point where I despise her. I think I'm almost there. What a sick bi***

Yup... .its very difficult to go from 'I'll stand in front of a speeding train for you' to 'I'm glad I am no longer with you' immediately... .it takes time; sometimes something to hate them for helps... .I didn't turn the corner until she called the cops on me when I attempted to contact her on xmas eve. THAT pissed me off and really allowed me the opportunity to hate her (as if I didn't already have a license to do so).

You are deeply grieving... .it's to be expected for such a serious loss. I'm so sorry; I know the pain feels as though it's more than you can bear.  But you will - and you'll come out stronger on the other side.

It sounds like you have been experiencing the first stage of grief: denial. It is very, very painful stage to be in, and we all know how you feel.

Denial- This is when we and our partner are on different page about our commitments to the relationship. This stage is filled with disbelief and denial.  Often in this stage we are engaged in relationship struggles and are expecting our partner to respond in the way that someone in a relationship would respond. However, they are in a very different, less caring place.  We are confused, hurt, put off by their behavior.

The second stage of grief is anger, and perhaps you are moving towards that now.  But keep in mind - the stages aren't linear, and you can repeat stages intermittently.

For more info: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=136462.0 (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=136462.0)

Copperfox: To add to what you said, it takes a lot of work and is not fun for anyone to look at the inner gunk in their lives, especially when being a BPD person.  It is much easier to just avoid, ignore, deny, and stick ones head in the sand.

Well she called me. Very angry and blamed me for the five second encounter I had that did not go well. I was trying to tell her that her kid was reaching out to me and insisted I come over I thought it was an emergency. Anyway she is fixated on that and doesn't see anything else. To make matters worse I saw her on my way in. Basically ignored me as well as the kid who I loved and cared for. I tried to explain again but my I phone was cutting out of course she wouldn't let me speak to her on my other phone she cut me off again. How sadistic and sick an individual. In all honesty all I did was love and care for her over three years. She compared me to her ex husband. Maybe now I see that no matter what I say or do she will always fixate on one little thing I did wrong. It would have happened eventually as I'm human. I experienced three major losses in one weeks time. I never ever want to go through this again. Thank God there are no kids or legal issues involved I can just walk away. This illness is the absolute kiss of death for any relationship. I just hope I can have a relationship in the future.

Keysmiami: My heart really goes out to you in all of this.  I totally know how you are feeling.  Sounds like a very unfortunate turn of events on you.  Did her kid ignore you too? 

They are sick individuals that can display very sadistic behaviors.  Your quote sums it up extremely well; "This illness is the absolute kiss of death for any relationship". 

Continue to thank God and count your blessings amidst the storm.  There is hope for a better future.  Hang in there!

The success story is when you realise what drew you into a in healthy dynamic BPD or no bps we are all responsible for our own choices in life. The success is finding what is broke inside of you that you yearn this attention, me included in that comment. I read a lot on here the evil manipulative chat they are people just like you and me they work different yes but evil I think not look at your own empathy.

Personally, I don't know... .what could possibly draw me into a relationship with a woman in her mid 20s who is very well educated, is running a multi million dollar company (and we can relate as I am too), has the same interests I do, has the same sense of humor and we just generally click on all sorts of levels. Next time, I'll definitely walk away from all that and never look back!

^^^^^^ hahahaha! :)

I can relate... .I sometimes get tired of hearing that I must also be a huge fu*k up for getting into a r/s with a disordered person.

Granted, I'm not perfect, I'm not without issues that I can work on... .but you know what else I'm not?  I'm not a habitual liar. I'm not unfaithful - I don't fu*ck other people when I'm in a committed r/s.

My ex?  All of the above.  And I'm tired of hearing that getting into a r/s with a person who chose to engage in that kind of unethical behavior is somehow, partly my responsibility.

Exactly I'm sorry but I feel that everything I wanted in a women was presented to me by her. Who would not get sucked into that. We all have a desire to love and be loved. It's what makes life bearable. All the money in the world won't matter. I gave all of myself and was surprised at what came out. I only did so because she wanted and needed me to. She gave it back or so I thought she did only to sabotage it and to turn her back on me because I did one thing wrong. I reacted in a negative way to being pulled by her kids who I adored and discarded by her like I was a piece of trash. This is not normal. I could see if I was lacking in any area or we fought about things. We had a wonderful relationship that she sabotaged because she got scared. It's evil.

Thank you. i went into the relationship in good faith. He did not.

Keys, I agree with Mutt, fromheeltoheal, and others -- right now, so soon after the end, is such a raw and difficult time. Do something to distract your mind, take care of yourself, indulge yourself. Journaling can be helpful. Anything that is soothing to you. Just know that it will get better.  


|iiii

There will be plenty of time later to process through the debris. Right now, Keys, just focus on You and doing what is best for your well-being.

You've been deeply hurt and devastated. You need and deserve time to heal.  


That is a beautiful success story, and a big part of the gift that these types of relationships have to teach us.


The partners we choose (and then choose to stay with, or not) are our responsibility and our choice. Very few things can tell us more about ourselves, our emotional health, our values, our needs, etc., than whom we choose as our partners in life.

This does not mean that the partner of a disordered person is similarly disordered, or has similar traits, or engages in the same behavior, or shares the same values, or anything of that nature. In fact, that's often what causes the relationship to start crumbling - the partner begins to realize (even subconsciously) that the borderline is not what they thought, and that their values and perspectives really don't align.

Emotionally healthy people don't enter into disordered relationships because they see all of that initial love-bombing, mirroring, idealization, etc., for what it is - they hear and pay heed to their alarm bells going off. And pwBPD are very emotional intuitive, and they will rarely even attempt to attach to a truly healthy person. The relationship is built on mutual need, and figuring out what needs of ours were being fulfilled by our BPDexes is the key to deeper insight into ourselves and an opportunity for growth.

We can all become emotionally healthy. But it's also perfectly ok to not be there yet. It takes time and work. I'm still working on it, and I will be for a while. It's not a bad thing, it's just human.

I like to look at it as "kintsugi of the soul"--

Keys,

I'm sorry to hear about how you're feeling. It's totally understandable. Getting over a relationship is hard enough without throwing in the mirroring and intensity of a r/s with a pwBPD. I was totally in love with mine and things seemed to be on an upswing. She abruptly started texting a co-worker not even TWO DAYS after our wedding shower. She went out with him two days later, and when I became angry somehow it ended up being projected as my fault. Looking back I can see the chaos more clearly. It's something I should have been a lot more worried about a lot sooner. Love and wisdom don't often go together. It's been a few years since I was with mine and it still confuses the heck out of me. I went out of my way to learn about BPD and tried to be friends, but she was either friendly, ignored me for weeks and weeks, or just raged at me. It was after the last rage that I finally woke up and realized she just is what she is. If a miracle happened and she was very apologetic and open, then I'd be open to communication, but I'm not holding my breath.

Struggle as hard as you can in a positive direction. We may be nons, but we can learn and recover. Many times they are stuck for the rest of their lives. No amount of love-bombing, sex, or money is worth a lifetime of chaos.

Thank you all for your replys and personal stories. I really feel like I am done with her but am concerned she will come back. I can't deal with it. In fact one week before she cut it she suddenly gave me all these reasons why it will be difficult to be together. She was starting school again,she was getting a divorce that week, her job etc  it came out of the blue. I was alleviating external stress for her and gave her all the reasons why she should not worry. I loved her and was not going anywhere or giving up without a fight. I asked her if she was in or out. She came to my apt. Crying and said she was in. I couldn't have been happier. She kept saying the night. Before as she fell asleep standing up in my arms Can you deal with it? I said I could not knowing what she meant. I think I know now. What happened to us would have happened anyway due to the nature of this disorder. I guess I shouldn't feel bad then that she has painted me black over one thing out of so many positive experiences. It was bound to happen anyway but still doesn't make it any easier.

You're welcome, Keysmiami.  Remember that there is no sense to the senselessness of BPD.  You cannot rationalize irrational behavior.  Give yourself some time to heal and recover... .

Wise words, HappyNihilist.

Thank you for this.

Is it not a form of self sabotage when we seek comfort for ourselves from a person we know will continue to hurt us? When we start to see the behaviour patterns and turn a blind eye for our own salvation?

Self sabotage is repeating behavior that keeps you from healthy, long term goals. Would continuing to engage with a person whom is exhibiting unhealthy behavior not be just that?

OP -- so many of us have shared your exact sentiments.  Sorry you are going through this.  Your instinct that you dodged a bullet is correct.  While you may "despise" her now, I believe that after many months have passed and you've read up about this mental illness, your despising will turn into simple acknowledgement that this is an ill person who (in your circumstances) is best to completely avoid.

As far as the debate in this thread about whether there is something wrong with a non who gets involved in one of these relationships, I would like to weigh in.  I absolutely do not believe that being involved in a relationship with a pwBPD indicates that something is wrong with a non.  I believe most truly healthy people would be completely unaware that people who think BPD thoughts even exist.  Most nons are rightfully blindsided by the pwBPD.  Of course there may be cases where the pwBPD's disordered traits are blatantly apparent (e.g., you're planning to be someone's 6th spouse), but this doesn't seem to be the norm on these boards.  Perhaps it makes sense for every non to look in the mirror after one of these relationships and ask "Is there something wrong with me?"  But for the most part I think dwelling on this question will be un-constructive because the answer is a simple "No, there isn't something wrong with you" and the focus should be more on learning about BPD so that you can dodge the bullet earlier should you ever encounter a pwBPD again.      

It's a deeply bittersweet 'success', walking away from someone I love.

Waking up/ facing and accepting the facts is how it's happening.

(Each of us abandoning and being abandoned in the process.) 

I'm not sure I like where some of these posts are going. I had no idea what BPD is before I met her. If I continue to pursue a relationship with someone who is ill and won't get help then yeah there is something wrong with me. I can't be with her I know that but l had an amazing relationship before it was abruptly cut and now I'm made out to be a piece of sh** by her. With two kids involved that I adored it makes it that much harder. This all happened two weeks ago. It stings like nothing else.

What specifically don't you like Key?

Sounds like my childhood calling... .

:'(

Hey Keys, I can see that you didn't really get what you were looking for in asking for success stories. That's not really a surprise.


If any of this were that easy, this board probably wouldn't even exist.

As others have mentioned, success may be a word that can have several alternate definitions. Taking a quick look at your back story, it seems the romantic part of your relationship with her was four months, correct? Well, as painful as it ended up, consider that it could have gone on for many years. Trust me, this particular kind of roller coaster doesn't get any more enjoyable the longer you ride it.

So perhaps that dodged bullet is a success in and of itself?

When mine returned for our forth and final shot at this mess, she had insisted that she finally had her head together. Therapy. Meds. The whole ball of wax. And for many months, it appeared as if maybe it was all going to work out the way I had always wanted it to. Stable. Normal. Fun. Forward. And then... .all that bad stuff came crashing down again. Tenfold. I can't help but think if I'd have just let it all go after round one, that would have more of a 'success' than what eventually transpired... .

Similar experience here.  But I can say that my final round was useful in that it clarified for me that there was nothing I could do to ever make it work (I really went clearly 100% in), also, I actually might never have discovered the concept of BPD if things had ended much earlier.  And I am quite glad that I now know about BPD.   

A success story will be one where you are no longer dependent on their friendship or love.  A success story is where you see right through their facade they put on for the world.  A success story is where you value yourself enough to realize that they don't appreciate everything you do for them and that you should expect at least respect and appreciation from the person you are with.

I had a 9 month relationship with a BPD in 2011-2012.  At first it was great, she supposedly liked everything I liked and appreciated everything I did for her.  What I realized later was that I should've noticed more things about her in the beginning of our relationship such as her staying in contact with ex flings / boyfriends and lying to me about it. For a few months everything was great, or so I thought. 

Over time her demands became unbearable, she had a bottomless pit of needs, and if I didn't meet every single need of hers there was hell to pay.  In addition, during the entire time I was with her she was triangulating me with her friends so I wouldn't get too close to them to figure out what she was doing behind my back.  She kept disparaging me with her friends.  Mind you she was living with me for a big part of our relationship and she never paid me anything, nor did she ever offer to pay for outings, etc... .but she wanted to keep the facade going because she enjoyed being treated but didn't want me to get too close to her friends so that I wouldn't find out how she really was nor find out about her BPD. 

About 6 months into our relationship she started saying things like "I love you but I'm not in love with you" etc... .I realize now that it was probably around the time she was probably talking to other men. 

She also did periods of silent treatment where she would ignore me for days, as either a sort of punishment or to test the waters.

She later moved out about 8 months into our relationship only to find out later that within a week after moving out she was already sleeping with another guy.  During this whole time she was lying, projecting, accusing me of doing what she was doing, denying she was doing anything wrong, triangulating me with her friends and family while trying to paint me as some sort of monster. She kept trying to paint me as some sort of abusive ass, when in reality she was the one who would throw things at me, curse at me, etc... .She proceeded to block me on facebook, block my phone, etc... .figured she didn't want me to see who the replacement was and because she was telling her friends one thing while telling me something else.

She eventually filed a TRO against me a couple of months after breaking up when I ran into her and my replacement allegedly because I was stalking her.  She failed to mention that she was two blocks away from my house when I ran into her with my replacement. Luckily the judge at the hearing a few weeks later dismissed the motion for a permanent restraining order.

It took me a long time to get over the betrayal, fog, lies, and deception that was part of the relationship with my BPDexgf.  This board helped me quite a bit in understanding what had occurred.

Two years later I see what a waste of my time my relationship with my exBPDgf was.  I now have a wonderful girl who I'm about to be married to, who is normal or as normal as it can get, and who I don't have to constantly wonder whether she is lying to me or not.  A success story is one where the relationship with your exBPD partner doesn't affect you anymore.

Cheers to the normal woman, Frankcostello! I've gotten to the point where I'm no longer angry with my ex, but I understand just how hurt and messed up she is. It's sad, but it's my  job to figure it out for her. I do wish her the best and hope that she figures this out someday. I'm also about to marry a nice, normal woman. What a wonderful feeling to truly know you're with someone who is whole, respectful, and mature. I'm hoping for a mature, long, and boring marriage... .in the sense that there aren't large quantities of unnecessary and impossible to explain drama. My pastor once said that the best marriages are boring. We never hear about them because it doesn't get ratings for reality shows. More and more I really do believe he's right.

*not my job

I Saw her again today twice. She was still angry but it was the first time I was face to face with her in several weeks.Once again no eye contact. I realize how sick she is.  I'm not sure that makes me feel any better.In three years I got in three disagreements with her and that is all she focuses on. I'll never understand this. I coudnt imagine being with someone right away. I had a chance on a business trip and I didn't because I missed her. Still feel like my heart was ripped out

I was a emotionally healthy person before I met my ex back in 2011. My problem was that I had no prior relationship experience. I was 21 and she was my first girlfriend. First everything, actually. The initial love-bombing, mirroring, and idealization was intense. She told me she loved me like 2 weeks into the relationship. I just thought she was really into me because I was different from her ex-boyfriends.

However, if I was meet someone who behaved like my ex did when we first started dating, I'd run for the hills.

It doesn't look good and I'm struggling. im still attached to her kids as they keep asking me to help them. She is so cold and distant. I'm trying nc but when I don't contact her she sends me a one sentence text asking me about something. When I respond a day later she responds with a one sentence text basically being cold. It's brutal. All I want to do is understand and move on. I can't understand this irrational behavior. I never will. I wish I never met her. I feel damaged.