BPDFamily.com

For right now I am staying in the relationship.  I am organizing my financials so that I can leave eventually.  I have been trying not to let HIS disorder upset my life. A lot easier said then done!

We went out the other night with friends, enjoyed a sporting event then went to a local establishment.  While at the bar we were talking about politics, etc.  I had my opinion and was part of the conversation.  By the end of the night my uBPDbf was looking at me and saying "I was embarrassing myself."  I just ignored him.  We then went home without an issue. BUT the next day my uBPDbf had a total attitude with me.  Then he told me I was "flirting with", "leaning on", some guy who was to my left.  Now I KNOW I wasn't doing that, but just for verification I asked the bartender that night (who is a friend) and she told me not at all.

I told my uBPDbf that was not my intent in any way, had no interest (to the point I don't know what the guy looked like or his name) and that I was sorry he interpreted it in that way.  Well, that did no good, he claimed he didn't interpret it wrong, etc.

Now I know my uBPDbf lied about "my actions"... .   I even know he drank more than me. 

How do you just "let it go?"   I did nothing wrong!

I've heard it for 20 years. It was so constant and upsetting that I learned to never make eye contact or glance at other women in a social setting. It didn't matter. She created evolving narratives to back her contention that I wanted other women and cared for them more than her. A year and a half ago she created an entirely new form of narrative and told two friends that I had basically beaten and raped her after I caused an argument by "grinding on a dance floor all night with two women". What actually happened is she disappeared into a bathroom for 40-minutes and I ended up having a casual conversation with a lesbian couple seated at the bar next to me.

The false narrative was awful. The false accusation a horror of the worst kind.

I allowed her to create and reinforce lies for years because of fear and not being wired for the conflict. Now I push back on every lie and engage with the same fury arguing what really happened. When she attempts to shift the topic I drag her back and will litigate the disagreement for hours if needed. I've told her many times I will battle to the death each and every time she twists the narrative. She's finally beginning to back off in frustration and exhaustion. I know its the wrong thing to do with a BPD and I hate it but its the only thing that seems to have worked.

I went from a 2 to a 10 in the resentment department. The false accusation was the new wild card that I can forgive but no longer tolerate. I'm truly afraid of what she could do. My willingness to argue has been cathartic but is also a cause for even more resentment. I'm done, no longer care and heading for the door.

Do what works for you if you can find it. In my case... .having at a club when she comes with sword drawn seems to have helped.

There is no way to defend the false narrative.  I knew that he was wrong, and when I talked to our friend today that completely confirmed it.

He wants to be "pissed, hurt, etc." and then expects me to make amends.  I did nothing that I need to make amends for. 

I've argued back.  I even said right out he was wrong, I know I wasn't doing that... .He still lies!