BPDFamily.com

Started off That I broke NC and responded to her to tell her to put my clothes in Goodwill! It was interesting interacting with her now that I have a different knowledge of at least cluster B traits,all of the projecting and accusations and reminding me of everything she perceives that I did wrong with no acceptance or recognition of her own actions. I still have not spoken to her on the phone or in person, this is all in text and email to protect myself from any false allegations, I also let her know that communicating being limited to this is a direct result of her actions. I am sure most of us have done this here but we wound up going back and forth for days about the failure of our relationship and of course I did worse then she did in her cluster B mind, I say clusterB because she is undiagnosed! It is amazing how they justify their actions now that I have this knowledge instead of just being ultimately frustrated and getting angry! I love the knowledge that I have gained here. When I brought up the fact she cheated on me and I do not accept that in my life she still justified it by saying we were broken up! Took me two days to get her to realise that Breaking up with me for 4 days and doing that is cheating no matter what! I did that by asking her-- if we ever got back together and had a relationship disagreement and I broke up with you on Thursday and did exactly what you did what you take me back on Monday? She said absolutely not, so I told her then do not expect me to Just brush it off sweep it under the rug! I noticed when she is cornered with the truth like that and has to face it is when her defence mechanisms kick in where she tries to pull out one of her complaints about me to change the subject start telling me what I need to fix! That is just one example but there is a laundry list of things as you can imagine that we went round and round about! It also struck me funny how she will even ask a question using projection! I can see the backwards thinking in it, to explain!  She asked me what do you want from me? I replied with a apology would be nice!  The truth is I know what she's doing and trying to get me back, so I see that as a inverted question that she wants me to ask her to open up the relationship dialogue, I also reminded her that I was not contacting her, I was leaving her alone, told her that she told me she found someone and I was not contacting her in order to respect normal relationship boundaries! Then I bit And said you are the one that is contacting me what do you want from me? Amazingly enough how they cannot recognise their own feelings and put them into the correct words her answer was evasive and she answered, The same thing you do! And then told me to stop playing games, I get the game player and she hates when I play games! So I said okay but I am not playing a game and I am just going to go to sleep now if you want the same thing I want then you are already have it,  I already apologised to you! Good night!  I already knew where she was going with this so it was amazing to see that she cannot directly displaying her true feelings communicate what she really wants! I really do feel sorry for her because I would not want to live that way not being able to express my true emotions! But as I expected after I said good night another message came in!  I want the old Targeted back!  I want US back the way we were in the beginning when you loved me! When you believed in me and protected me! You know I have been abused and raped and you are the first guy in my life that I ever trusted this much, The fact that you put off our physical intimacy until you felt more acceptance from me and my family  instead of just trying to get into my pants like every other guy that never cared what my family thought gave me a feeling of security that I never felt before in my life,   And then she went on to say how she misses our lovemaking and cuddling and really rubbing her back and kissing me, all of the things that all of us who are hurting here would want to hear! How much she misses me and thinks of me every day!  And then the funny part of what I have to do to get that back!  It's funny because in her mind it really is my job to fix everything, her excuse is I am the woman not the man! You are the man it is up to you! In a way she is right, she is not capable of choosing a healthy path for a healthy outcome here! I have to be the one to do that! This is where I really need help from my family here! She did passively agree to take a psychiatric evaluation as long as we both do one! I have nothing to hide but I still do not think that would be helpful because even if she got a diagnosis I think she would be the type to just be offended by it and deny it's worth! I do not want to recycle this relationship with her but like a lot of people here I may reconsider that if she got a little healthier because she wanted to not because I wanted her to! I think some are best served recognising their behaviours and traits and patterns and working on those without a official diagnosis, she does not seem to fully recognise any of those, maybe 5% of them? There is also the possibility she is just looking for a attachment in between boyfriends?  My only goal at the moment would be to get her to work on herself, I fully believe her attachment to me was real and there is a small possibility that it may be enough to get her to look at herself? Even with all the knowledge that I have obtained here I don't know what to do! I recognise my codependent White night rescuer type mentality and I would love to rush and help but I know the only one that can really rescue her is herself!  What do I say or do now?

Wow targeted. Thats what we all want but are scared of. Having them consider therapy and treatment but not wanting to get sucked back into it again.

With my exgf I would agree to both of us getting an evaluation just so I could validate my belief of whats wrong with her.

I think by getting enmeshed you will not help her. By keeping it civil and not getting involved you might be able to help her but as your well aware they have to want to do it. My ex wife would do therapy until the point that she was validated by someone and then she would give it up.

Thanks enlighten me!

If not for anything that behaviours are posted here to let others know what to expect, it already crashed in one day, even though she admitted to being with another guy again but saying there was no sex , they only kissed, when I told her I spoke to a female friend of mine she called her a whore and disregulated, all of the nice things she said yesterday were gone I am back to being a whore seeking pig of a man, I expected that though, her sense of entitlement that she can go out and be with other men but I cannot even speak to a friend of mine is ridiculous, The fact she can judge somebody she has never met is astounding! Even though I expected it! I deleted this friend from my life for her and it did not even matter, I will let you know what happens but I think that is going to be NC!

Hi Targeted iI was hoping she might be serious about treatment but wasnt going to hold my breath for you aa it would buck the trend.

Yes NC is probably the best thing especially given how she is treating you.

Thank you enlighten!

This family taught me what to expect! If I held my breath hoping for the best I don't think I would look good that shade of blue,  just sharing my experiences to help others!