BPDFamily.com

Why? Because nothing good came out of it. Some members here warned me to keep my distance when I made a thread back in December about her wanting to see me again. I should have listened. Now I feel worse off. I feel used, manipulated, unimportant, uncared for... .

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=238196.0

But damn her, she is so good at telling me what I want to hear.

Before she moved back to my area at the very beginning of December, she told me how she was ready to make a drastic lifestyle change. How she was tired of running away and wanted to get on-going mental health treatment. This made me hopeful. Well, once she did move back, she asked if we could meet up in person. I told her I would feel a lot more comfortable about seeing her if I knew she was making good progress. She then tells me a few days later how she's going to do this Veterinary Assistant Program in April. This made me hopeful as well because all my ex had been doing for the past two years was cam modeling. So, with me feeling a little bit hopeful now, I end up agreeing to meet her one day in December. We saw each other for maybe an hour max. I picked her up and we walked my dog at this park we used to visit when we dated.  This was the first time she had seen me in over a year after putting me through absolute hell. Not once did she stop to apologize to my face about what she had done to me nor did she ask me anything about myself; like what I had been up to, if I had been or done anything cool, ect. Nothing! It was the same when I saw her again maybe a week or so later.

This time it was at her place. I asked her if she was still going to get on-going mental health treatment and she said, "I don't need it anymore. I was just really stressed out the last two months before I moved back here." Hearing that really ticked me off. That, plus the fact that all she had been doing since having moved back was use Tinder and POF to chat/meet guys. I thought she was going to focus her attention inwards. That's why she moved back in with her dad after all. So she wouldn't have to pay rent or cam. She really tried coming onto me but I didn't reciprocate.

I then go NC on her again because I didn't like what I saw or heard out of her. She hadn't changed, nor did it look like she was serious about getting help yet. After I go NC, she quickly gets into an exclusive relationship with somebody off POF. 10 days later she sends me a rage text, which leads to us talking on the phone. I asked her if she was still going to do the Vet Program and she said that she probably wasn't. 10 days later her less than 2-week boyfriend breaks up with her and she is immediately back on Tinder and POF. She also sends me a random text message out of the blue the same day she got dumped to tell me she is making YouTube videos now. We start texting again.

Then, on February 3rd, as I was on my way to school, she sends me the most self-aware message I've probably ever heard from her.

"I became very aware that I would not sustain a healthy functioning relationship like this, a job, or living alone. I had thoughts of moving out of my dad's place because I hate living here but I needed to think in the bigger grand scheme of things in my life. I am incapable of taking care of myself right now and the last thing I need to do is put myself in a position where I've been for the last two years. The last months in X (where she was before she moved back home) really changed me. And I apologize for acting like everything was fine when I spoke with you about it all before."

Hook, line, and sinker. This is EXACTLY what I wanted to hear out of her. Later, that same day, she bluntly asks me if I want to have sex with her. I won't go into much detail because I already made a thread about it: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=271258.0

But basically, I left feeling completely used and manipulated.

She continued to text me every day following that hook up until the weekend. Saturday (the 7th) I guess she was out on a "meet up" with some POF guy who lives in the city. After her meet up, she tells me that she wants to move out of her dad's place because she is unhappy there. She spends the entire next week "couch surfing" at his place and maybe at some other dude's place because she didn't want to go back to her dad's place.

On the 15th she tells me that she's moving out of her dad's and into a basement suite so that she can continue her life as a cam model and be closer to her "friends". These friends are just guys she's recently befriended off POF or Tinder. No real, long-time friends. I am the closest thing she had to a real friend. And I'm not going to lie, my ego did take a little bit of a hit; her choosing to be closer to them than me after all the support I've given her since breaking NC.

I entirely disagree with her decision to move out, though. I know she doesn't like living with her dad, but it was realistically the best option she had on being able to completely focus on helping herself get better mentally. She wouldn't have to cam and she wouldn't have to pay rent. Now she has to do both of those things again. I haven't talked to her since the 15th. I told her I wouldn't if she moved out.

I feel almost lied to. That the whole Vet Assistant thing was a lie just to please me. Same with telling me how she was going to get therapy. These were just things she fed me so that I would be more willing to see her/sleep with her again.

And I cannot begin to describe how crappy it feels to believe that this person could care less about you. Like I said, she never bothered to ask about my life at all. How is that even possible? She used to tell me how much she missed me and what we had when she was living far away via text, but in person she seemed disinterested.

She can go fly a kite. I wasted the last four months on this train wreck again. So go move out. Go be closer to your guy friends/FWBs. Go strip and masturbate on cam for money in your little basement suite. You haven't changed. Your situation hasn't changed either.

Hard to believe some of the trauma BPD people have put us through, we're all on the same side here though. My story, which some have described to me as "Wow, that's seriously sadistic of her, I can not believe someone of her age (19) was even capable of that, and I can't believe you're functioning so well after that!"

Well it seems like a pittance compared to what others on this forum have gone through.

As for you sir, this is one of the more heartwrenching stories I've read. I can barely function knowing that some other man will touch my ex sexually like I used to. Someone will stick themselves inside her like I used to.

But to know that she's out there masturbating for strange men on the internet, that's rough man. No one deserves to know that.

You don't just deserve better than her, you deserve better for yourself. Go out and find your passions again.

And be glad in the fact that you know she'll never be successful. Ever.

Ugh I can imagine how frustrating that must be!  

You remind her of her shame and how she has failed and continues to fail you.  At the same time you had been consistently there for her as she runs off and comes back.  You are the mamma and she is the 2 year old venturing off trying to develop a self.  Except she's a grown woman and obviously attractive with plenty of guys that will tell her sweet nothings and validate her if she has sex with them.  They may or may not care but the thing is she is not likely to want to change untill she hits some kind of rock bottom.

She wants you in her life can you accept her as she is an for who she is to you now?

The conditions you set for her is like telling a 2 year old you will only hug them if they are green and the kid covers themself in green paint and says hug me.  Then you discover they are not really green it's just paint.  

Sorry, yuck, how she lives her life is sickening. I know we all warned you but sometimes you just have to learn for yourself. Your self worth is no longer for sale. You do not want to get an STD or listen to any more of her lies. She tells you only what you want to hear. She is one very messed up chick... .

Be strong. N/C. No more push/pull.  

all the more  reason to let them be. i guess i should be thankful that after 6 months post b/u. that i havent been harassed on a regular basis, a couple of setbacks but i have weathered them. about the sex thing, let it go... .it can drive a man insane. they are disgusting, self absorbed mentally ill creatures, that use their bodies as tools to create deceit and hook their replacements, (yes, you were one of these, myself included.   ) into their web of control. we should consider ourselves lucky we didnt catch anything during our tenure wth them! lol

This story is all just about my recent recycle with her. We first started dating in August 2011. I caught her having an online affair with somebody living in another continent in December 2012. You can read all about it here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=197383.0 I think you and I can relate a lot as younger dude's dating younger women.

She began camming maybe 6 months into our relationship. I never liked what she did, but I also couldn't stop her. I guess I could have given her an ultimatum... .I was too much of a push over back then.

Knowing that she'll never be successful doesn't make me glad. I just pity her.



The thing with my ex right now is that she isn't looking for a relationship at the moment, which is new for her. She's just got a bunch of orbiters at the moment, none of which I think like the fact that she's seeing other guys. The problem she faces is that if she were to ever get into a relationship with one of them, all of the others are no longer going to be friends with her as she'll be exclusive. She talks about how she has friends now, like that was the problem in the past why all of her previous relationships failed. As if to say, "My ex was all I had. I had no friends, so I was sad and lonely." This could easily blow up in her face since they are all just guys she's recently just befriended off Tinder and POF who obviously find her attractive and want to date/sleep with her.

Yeah, she wants me in her life, but it's not going to happen. I don't approve of what she's doing now. You talk about her hitting rock bottom, well if I stick around as her favorite confidant/safety net, it won't happen. I feel like I'd just be enabling her. And she already hit her rock bottom before she moved back home, so I don't know what else it's going to take to be honest.



It's scary to think that she's only 23 too.


When we did hook up earlier this month, I wore protection. In fact, I always wore protection when we dated. Her memory is so bad that she couldn't remember if we did or not. Like, I can't even begin to describe how awful her memory is, lol.

Yeah my ex is the same age as yours and gorgeous.  She's aware that guys just want to hook up with her and it's almost like she excuses that because "they are her friends."  I spent so much time with my ex like pointing out the people she should be nice to and the ones that really care about her vs people that were obvious douche bags.  But no the people that like cared about her the most she was like devaluing when I met her it was her dad.  I like helped her relationship with her family a lot.  The feeling I got was her past exs were like immature and in on like devaluing her family with her.  What a huge red flag but I was enamored by her. 

My ex like spring boarded off of me into like a good situation which sucked to watch because it felt so unfair.  That's the thing though she is immature and is apologetic of d bags.  I think she was pretty upset after me and just wanted to be single sort of thing.  The guys she was with after me I don't think she loved and just straight used them. Some used her back the nice guys got steam rolled quick. Their were like brief moments I had a chance to recycle but I rejected her each time.  I just couldn't take it anymore it was driving me insane.

I know the pain of seeing a BPD ex decide to take that route and their little justifications and all that crap. The thing is they have to learn on their own. Sad but true.

Wow.  That ^

Paperlung: I am so sorry.

For 3 years after my ex's affair, I lived what you described.

"I'm gonna change".

"I see what I did wrong, I'm sorry, I will _______"

Mine went so far as to get a Pastor/Counselor for us, go to church w me (then when I discovered he was faking it and doing it all for show... .) went to church a few Sunday's alone.

He joined 'men's groups' only to quit them because they were "lame".

He'd get all hopped up in a manic moment on how "he was gonna be a husband and father, leader of the family head of the home' and 2 weeks later... .right back to the same old him.

He'd make lists to remind him to 'do something nice' or 'do ______'. 2 weeks later... .right back to the same old him.

He can only do anything for 2 weeks. Really only about 9-10 days... .but by the end of 14 days he's back to the same old him.

He would tell me what I wanted to hear.

He knew what I wanted.

A Biblical marriage / relationship.

So he faked his part, talked a big talk, only for me to find out; it's another lie.

I will NEVER recycle w him again.

Ever.

I know who he REALLY is... .no thank you.

And how old are you, Blimblam? What's your story? I wouldn't mind reading it.

My ex had me convinced for a while that she was tired of living the way she was, but in the end nothing changed. She simply thinks all will be better because she's living in a different area on her own working as a cam model and has friends now who were all accumulated over the past couple of months via Tinder and POF. lol  

smh

I don't think she even views my concern for her as genuine care. It's all just, "We just live completely different lifestyles. You don't understand me."


My ex's words gave me false hope all the time when we were together. I don't know why the heck I thought things were going to be different over a year later with her. She's too damaged and won't commit to therapy/treatment.

All you can do now is channel trust regret in a healthy way and change the behavior that got you into this emotional funk.

Own all of your behavior adv decisions and forget about where any of il the other blame lies.