BPDFamily.com

Hi everyone I'm a little over 2 months out. In much better place these past 2 weeks! I'm amazed that this process of learning about BPD and having others relate has been helpful . But the real work is what u do in your life during this change. I'm actually realizing Its ok to be good to myself. I let a sick person take my life and just trash it w no regard. W my permission because my ex could not do this to me unless I was a willing participant .

Once upon a time we met , a magnet affect happened and we felt the love we all yearn for was finally here. One of our first nights looking at the nite sky on a clear summer night. The kiss was as if the world existed w just us in it.

Then shortly after some odd things began to happen exchanges of words and moods that didn't seem as loving as when we met. Maybe just go with it everyone has a bad day... .

More and more extreme things began to sprout up... .Like threats and tantrums?

I'd feel so overwhelmed and engage in this I participated in the emotions that my loving partner felt... .

Fast forward still moods , still ugly words , still tantrums and threats, except we know how to manage and we know and accept this as life. Even know its BPD.

We both grow away emotionally because its been damaged . I try to see if we can try to work at this and build in a healthier way . But the truth is a BPD can't?

They never get the simplest thing about love and compassion.

I know they can't but I fantasize they can.

Then one day you are all bad and it just gets worse beyond what anyone can even imagine .

Now your empty and alone . The end

Yes, it is sad isn't it? we want the fantasy and the idealization phase back. It is what we all crave and it is short term. I remember thinking during the good times, it just doesn't get any better than this. During the bad b/u times I really felt as low as I could possibly get. Now, learning how to be indifferent, alone and take care of myself. I have hope it will all get better.

Good for you, Christin.  Sounds like you are well on your way, and making good progress.  It's in our darkest moments that we often find the greatest insights.  Shifting the focus to yourself, to your own growth, is key once you are ready. 

Consider it the gift of BPD ... .you may learn some things about life and love that others never will.  You'll have the battle scars to prove it.

The only way out, is through.

It does get better. I think I was so empty I really needed this to happen to just feel like a human again. I do miss our very good times and closeness. But the bad now looking back was just one sided. Gas lighting , circular arguing , triangulation , just no resolve in minor matters for the good of us. They have no idea who to side w? In a marriage I believe u know your place is w your partner and kids first . She seemed to flow w whoever bought into her crazy. I don't know . I know things are relatively peaceful and I'm alone not looking for a replacement ... .Just healing myself , it will get better trust the process . Keep moving forward

I found I was more lonely in the marriage than after the split. The separation was a good time to do self discovery. I'm happy I made the choice instead of looking for someone else. Grieving, detaching has good and bad days or weeks. It's a significant emotional loss only begin having a loved one pass.

I agree, it feels good to feel human again without being an emotional caretaker for a partner and focusing the love I gave to her on me, my kids and others.

Her idealization was a short and shallow experience in overall scheme of the r/s, marriage. It takes time for the wounds to heal and they wield much wisdom, strength and understanding.

I like your analogy christin5433; Keep moving forward.