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Title: Final Stretch Post by: ADecadeLost on February 25, 2015, 06:22:11 PM I'm down to two weeks and counting until I (she) can file for a hearing to finalize the divorce from my dBPD ex-wife. It feels so close, yet still so far away. And admittedly, I'm getting anxious about how things will go.
So much of this going smoothly relies on her cooperation, and I just don't know if I can trust someone with BPD to do so. Between getting her to sign the appropriate form to file (more complicated with her out of the country), getting her back for a court date, and dealing with the final transfer of assets, I can just see so many places for things (her) to go wrong. For now, I'm just going to keep hoping for the best, but expecting the worst. Hope my anxiety is unfounded, but I just have a feeling. More than anything, I just want this behind me. I'm ready to move on with my life and don't want to waste anymore time in this limbo. Title: Re: Final Stretch Post by: whirlpoollife on February 26, 2015, 08:52:34 AM AdecadeLost , I understand your feelings that you are going through. Anxious and glad. So much waiting. An end is near for me to finalize divorce but I also know that it is going to continue.
Once you file for the hearing, do you know how long to wait for the hearing? Title: Re: Final Stretch Post by: ADecadeLost on February 26, 2015, 06:17:27 PM It should be relatively quick after filing as it is uncontested. Just need to meet the judge so he or she can sign the paperwork.
Title: Re: Final Stretch Post by: LifeIsBeautiful on March 03, 2015, 10:16:20 AM All the best. I just started proceedings. What I have been telling myself is not to waiver... .no matter what... .life or death. It's not meant to be, and never will be. Sad but true. Seize the day.
Title: Re: Final Stretch Post by: getting_better on March 28, 2015, 11:56:53 PM I hope it's going well, mate. I'm just beginning divorce proceedings although we've been separated for a while. Any insights or advice you can give regarding how you got to where you are now are appreciated. I hope to be as close to freedom as you are someday soon!
Title: Re: Final Stretch Post by: ADecadeLost on March 29, 2015, 09:22:05 AM Thanks Getting_Better.
It's been a long few weeks. First delayed due to her having a mental breakdown (quit job, thrown out by Psychiatrist, placed on mood stabilizers by new shrink). She's back now though, and after a first 24 hours that tested my mental fortitude, things have calmed down. I'm holed up in a hotel while she packs her things. Just need to make sure she files the appropriate papers when court opens tomorrow morning. Then it's just getting her back for the court date once it's scheduled (usually 2-3 weeks). So, so close. Yet, so much that can still go wrong. As for advice, the one thing I have learned from my situation is that you need to keep your ex on task. Although mine originally filed for the divorce, getting her to follow through with it has, at times, been like pulling teeth (even now she has suggested we give it a few more months before she files). I think the real key to this is maintaining clear and open dialogue (not always easy with a BPD). Make sure your ex is fully aware of where you stand on things, and don't allow any room for interpretation. Their fears of abandonment are going to make the process a struggle to begin with. If we say anything that allows them to believe there is a chance for reconciliation, they will do what is within their power to delay the proceedings. Just do what you can to keep your ex to the schedule dictated by the process, and make sure you take the time to worry about your own mental health along the way. This process is trying even when a person with a PD isn't involved. Good luck to you. The end of the process will hopefully be here before you know it. Title: Re: Final Stretch Post by: getting_better on April 01, 2015, 08:58:37 PM Great advice. We'll be seeing our marriage counselor one last time next week, and I plan to reiterate my plans for divorce and let my stbx know that I'm going to follow through with a process server the next week. She's being so sweet right now and saying that she'll wait for me to come back to my senses and return to her, but I'm sure she'll split when I confirm my plans. I have a feeling the next month or so will be very challenging.
Even though we've been separated 9 months there are times when I think about the times when she was stable and how good those times were over 23 years of marriage. My heart says "maybe it wasn't so bad". Then my head brings back all the memories: screaming at me at 2am from my bedside because I went to sleep when she was upset about something, suicide threats, hours-long raging until I finally gave in and said how sorry I was and how it was all my fault, constant conflict with the kids, etc. etc. and on and on. I'm grateful for "wise mind" which balances logic and emotion! |