BPDFamily.com

Does anyone have experience with their partner having a fake facebook page? I just found out a few weeks ago that she has had one since 2013! I haven't brought it up yet and not sure how to. She doesn't know I know. I am waiting until we deal with her diagnosis first.

What do you mean by "fake"?  Do you mean like a fake persona?  What is her point in having this?

Yes, fake persona.  She has her own regular page too. I figured out it is to check on her ex. Her ex and this fake person are facebook friends. I am sure the ex is not aware since many people have facebook friends that they don't really know. Her picture is not a real photo, of course, it's a painting. Anyway, the ex is a women she was with while we were broken up for a short time in 2013. It's so strange and upsetting to me.

Hi bluejeans,

How did you find out about the fake facebook page? 

I was looking at browsing history. We share a desktop computer. I saw she was looking up her ex on Facebook and saw this other name. I checked it out. Didn't realize it was actually her until sometime later when I saw a photo she had posted on that page was on our desktop.  I am hurt that she wants to check up on this other woman. Their brief time together ended badly. The woman wanted no contact. She is also 2000 miles away so I am not concerned about them getting back together.

I am going to assume that since you were checking browsing history you already had a reason to be suspicious.  Am I correct?  Is this the first time she has done something like this?

I'm trying to think of similar that my wife has done/said.  One time she told me that if we ever broke up, she would be the type of ex who would want to drive by my house all the time.  That scared me a little because when I have broken up with someone, I really don't want to think about them anymore.  My wife also seemed to be somewhat obsessed with a few exes when she and I first met.  It was one of those situations where she hated the ex, but still wanted to know about that person through mutual friends.  I don't think she checks up on any exes anymore, but she still mentions them/thinks about them too often to be healthy, in my opinion.  A few have tried to look her up on FB, and she sometimes has responded because of curiosity.  And I will freely admit that at times, I have tried "googling" exes simply for curiosity.  But a fake facebook profile?  I can't see my wife ever doing anything that sneaky, but others on this site have shared that their SOs kept fake dating profiles.

General BPD behavior is to obsess over things and have a confusing mix of past/present/future all at once.  If you read the posts on this site, stalking an ex is common for pwBPD.  So is infidelity, keeping their options open, and seeing what else is out there.  What is your SO up to?  Hard to say.  Maybe just curious.   Maybe wanting to reconcile with the ex.  Maybe wanting to do something sinister to get back at ex.  What is her overall attitude toward this ex?  Positive or negative?

As for what to do - that's up to you whether to confront her on this or not.  Do what you need to do for your own peace of mind.  Obviously this is eating you up, as it would eat me up if I was in the same situation.  But I do know from experience that confronting a pwBPD on something like this never, ever gets the result you want.  99.99% likely she will rage, flip it back on you, blame you, and generally make you feel like crap.  I'm sure the outcome you want is for her to admit to it, tell you why she did it, and pledge to stop.  I can guarantee with almost 100% certainty that will not happen.  I think it is best to decide what to do based upon what you know now - that she does sneaky stuff in hopes of keeping in touch with an ex.  If that is too much for you to handle - make appropriate changes in your life, because there really is very little hope of changing her.

Yes, I would like her to admit it, tell me why, and stop... .but I know you are right about that not happening.

I will write more later.

Yep, she would create a new page each time she started dating someone else. That's just my experience...