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I have had minimal contact w uBPDstbxh over the last 7 months, by email only I keep all of my emails about our kids ONLY. If he tries to veer off subject I do not respond. 2 weeks ago he started sending messages requesting sexual favors. Ugh.  I have not responded and will not respond to him.

I am curious if anyone else has experienced this? There has been no replacement since I left that I am aware of... .but who knows. So I don't think he's trying to  use me to replace a replacement.  It's just bizarre to me that he knows it's over, he knows I don't want anything to do with him yet he still has the balls to ask for sex. His words "it's just sex, it doesn't mean anything." I feel like that sums up our entire marriage, it was just 25 years it didn't mean anything to him. Is it him testing to see if he still has some power/control over me? I'm just trying to figure out what goes on in the mind of a crazy person, I guess that makes me kind of crazy for trying to make logic out of nonsense.

Oh yes many times. Usually she will do this within a couple of weeks of breaking up.  You are not crazy for trying to figure it all out. Just normal.  You are doing great!

No, but I'm waiting for it.

In a text to her bestie during our one break up before the final one, my ex said she planned to use me as a booty call in about a year.



How romantic chaste to pre plan your booty calls by one year.

While I haven't experienced my ex reaching out for this - she currently has a replacement for that job - I did hear her mutter those words numerous times when trying to explain how she had been with so many guys prior to meeting me.  So what? It's just sex.  They were always my friends prior, it's not like they were strangers, she'd say.  I always thought, gee, I don't go around banging all my friends.  For me, sex is one of the most intimate acts you can share with someone.  Why give it away like free samples at the grocery store? 


Tough to answer but I'd imagine it's something like this.  I read one time on these boards that someone's T informed them that they were basically a masturbation tool for their ex.  I certainly felt that way.  For the first time in my life I remember feeling used for sex.  Here I was thinking I was dating this girl and really, all she wanted me for was what I could provide for her.  Sexually and otherwise.  I ended up marrying her.  Sheesh.

And it likely does have to do with power and control.  He can still have you, if he wants.  But he can keep his distance by saying it's just sex.  It's on his terms.  Just like sex was with my ex.  Only when she was in the mood.  And heaven help if I ever said no or that I wasn't in the mood - cue rejection trigger. 

Keep your distance, keep the dialogue related to your kids.  And it's okay to wonder what goes through their mind.  It doesn't make sense so it's natural to try to make sense of things.


 

Thanks for the input and the advice. After 25 years and multiple recycles I'm trying like hell to avoid him like the plague and succeeding so far. I know he's no good for me and I'm in a much better place without him. The sex was great but not worth giving up my soul for and that would be the price.