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Title: Well at least she knows she's crazy Post by: paperlung on March 02, 2015, 08:19:24 PM Doesn't mean she'll actually do anything about it, though.
Yesterday I was using Tinder and she popped up. In her bio, she advertised her Instagram (a lot of girls seem to like to do this). Curious to see if she moved out yet, I visited her Instagram. It indeed looks like she has already moved out of her dad's. Guess it's back to the camming life. Funny how her situation hasn't changed at all. But anyway, in one of her more recent pictures, someone left a comment saying how the hell my ex could be single, and she replied, "I'm crazy." I found that rather amusing. Ever since her BF of less than two weeks she met off POF broke up with her, she's claimed to not want another boyfriend/relationship. Something obviously went down there. This is actually pretty unlike my ex because in the past she would jump from one relationship to the next. Now it seems she just wants to have a bunch of FWBs. Getting back to the crazy bit. Well, that isn't news to me. I witnessed her dysfunctional behavior firsthand for over a year. 2 years later and she's still living a crazy life. She's even told me herself she's a ___ up. She's weird though, because sometimes she actually believes she's OK. For example, back in January she sent me this: "Just because when you knew me two years ago I cut myself, or cheated on you does not mean I have BPD. I'm actually a very stable person, and lots of people go in and out of relationships when they're young." https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=240742.0 At that time, she just started dating that POF guy, so she was in full-fledged idealization mode. After he broke up with her, she started to text me again and told me she was in bad shape. She wasn't eating, she was depressed, was in her bed 80% of the time, ect. Not very stable. She's gone again now. Living on her own, stripping and masturbating for hundreds of strangers online to pay rent. She's also $3000 in debt. Good luck, I say. Haven't talked to her since February 15th. Title: Re: Well at least she knows she's crazy Post by: fromheeltoheal on March 02, 2015, 08:52:07 PM Excerpt Haven't talked to her since February 15th. Good for you! If that's what you say you want. You are still keeping up with her online though, although it's only been two weeks; what does life look like for you moving forward, the life without her in it? Title: Re: Well at least she knows she's crazy Post by: paperlung on March 04, 2015, 01:49:35 PM It's not what I want, it's what I have to do. Having her in my life just brings me too much worry and anxiety. I definitely feel less emotionally attached than I was two weeks ago. I guess you could say I've reached the acceptance stage. She moved out already.
What does life look like for me moving forward with out her? I had this stupid fantasy when she moved back here at the start of December. She had me convinced that she was finally serious about changing her lifestyle. I thought that maybe if she were to stabilize herself (get therapy, quit camming, get a job, go to school, ect) that we still had a chance somewhere down the line. My life goes on and I'll try to make the best of it, just like I always have. |