BPDFamily.com

Hi. I am new to this site.

I believe that my ex wife has BPD. We have three minor children together. Girl,boy, girl. The oldest is 14, and the youngest is 8. My ex and I met in November 1999. She became pregnant in March 2000. We married in August 2001. She separated from me in October 2011 (Forced on me by a fraudulent ppo), divorced February 2013. She now lives with my ex-brother in law, who I believe has NPD.

My story is long, and sometimes difficult to tell. I am trying to find my voice. I am afraid that others will see me as the monster that she portrayed me as being. I am scared for our children. The destructive behavior of my ex brought me near to my own destruction. Foreclosure, Bankruptcy, Divorce, and worst of all is the loss of my Family. Being separated from our kids for 5 weeks while my ex told third party communicators that "they are too tired, they need to rest" and "They want to stay home this weekend" was the most challenging time of my life so far.  I was terribly depressed and suicidal.I cried and cried. I was on the outside, and feeling punished. I could not attempt to reach her, under threat of prosecution.

  Despite my encouragement, she would not, could not seek counseling. I was the one who needed counseling, according to her. Everyone else does, but not her. I started counseling very early in the relationship to try to find ways of coping.  Mostly I learned the necessity of being non confrontational. That was extremely difficult in our BPD relationship. She would be raging at me, and I, scared and frustrated, would walk, or run out of the house to get away from her, and try to collect my thoughts. When I would return after a few minutes, half an hour, she would give me the silent treatment, for days, sometimes weeks if I didn't give in to her "needs". She would beat me on the chest with her fists yelling "it's not fair!" at times. When I would try to talk to her about important things, like money, she would put her fingers in her ears and say "La la la la la " until I would stop talking, or go away.

I am still seeing a psychiatrist today, and suffer from depression. I would consider myself to be a giver, co-dependent, and an em-path.

Since our separation, my ex wife has stopped communicating with me. She does not have a job. She quit the one job she had one month into her pregnancy with our first child in 2000, and has refused to get one since. Even when we were about to lose our house, it simply was not her problem, but mine. Making the money was all up to me. She did not play an active role in discussing our budget. I was harassed and harangued into providing. Mockery is a terrible motivator for the target. Sadly, it works, but very destructively. She would spend our grocery money on fun toys for the kids, video games, netflix and wine, and then yell at me when she did not have money for groceries.

I just wanted to keep the peace, whatever the price to myself, to protect the kids, and the family.(":)o it for the kids" was one of her motivators). I spent years sleeping in our camper in the front yard, or on the couch. She did not want me near her or to even touch her most of the time. But I needed to be there for the children.

So, I hope to glean some insight from this site, and possibly help others in return.

Thank you.

Hi Triumph70,

Hello and a big welcome! You have been through a lot, so you'll fit right in with this bunch here. It can often be difficult to tell our whole stories, so take your time and share when you're ready. Raising kids when one parent has BPD is no easy task, especially after the things we go through in the marriage, which can wear us down at a time we need our strength the most. And you have already been through the horrors of a false allegation, plus bankruptcy. These are shocking and difficult events on their own. Like my therapist said to me once, "How could you not be depressed?" It's good that you are taking care of yourself and seeing a psychiatrist. Is this someone who seems to understand BPD?

You are two years divorced from your ex. How have things been with the custody order or parenting plan? How are your kids doing? Are they in counseling?

We're here to listen and give you support. This place literally changed my life. I arrived here about 1.5 years after my split and I'm not sure how I managed before that. It's hard to explain to people what we went through, and what it's like. Here, everyone understands.

LnL

Hi Triumph70. Thank you for being brave enough to start sharing your story. We know it isn't easy. And we know that you've gone through lots of turmoil.

You'll find as you read more that you are not alone. You couldn't convince her to go to counseling because many people with BPD don't seek counseling. You will hear this from many others on our site.

How are things going today? What information can we provide to help you on a healing path?

Welcome to the boards. There is a TON of support and knowledge here, folks have been through a lot and you will find comfort and relief reading/talking to people who know what it is like.