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Title: Question: I have adult children... Post by: going places on March 03, 2015, 06:50:53 AM All 3 of my children are in their early 20's.
2 weeks ago, my youngest (21) saw her dad with his new trick at a store. They did not see my daughter, but she saw them, and promptly left the store... . She told me she saw HIM but didn't mention the trick until last night. It's really bothering her. She is disgusted by him to begin with, but this really really upsets her. I am not sure what to say or do... . Title: Re: Question: I have adult children... Post by: Panda39 on March 03, 2015, 07:39:43 AM I would just talk to her about it and validate her feelings about seeing her dad with someone else. Don't bad mouth dad just listen and let her know you understand how she feels.
Title: Re: Question: I have adult children... Post by: livednlearned on March 03, 2015, 10:12:27 AM Hi going places,
This must be upsetting for you, too. I imagine that you must feel disgust that he is behaving this way, and is the father of your children, behaving in such emotionally immature ways in public -- that has to be hard to work through, and then to find a way to support your D as she tries to make sense of it too. Maybe making sense of it is too strong a phrase. She probably feels that her dad reflects somehow on who she is, since he's her dad. It can take years to make sense of who we are when one parent is so dysfunctional. Panda39's suggestion to validate your D's feelings is really good. Is it something you can do right now? There is a short, helpful tool about validation that I return to again and again, especially when I'm struggling with something that throws me into the emotional deep end: https://bpdfamily.com/coparenting/02.htm If you can validate how she feels, it will help her process the emotions here and now, instead of her stuffing them and trying to put them out of sight. Which doesn't work. Eventually, somewhere, sometime, we have to deal with those feelings. Better to do it now so she doesn't spent the next several decades running from something that is real. |