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Just wondering - do any of you have any insight on the future prognosis of our BPD children re work or school or relationships?  I'm thinking that our BPD will have an up/down life - doing well/not doing well, working/ quitting, having a friend/being rejected, happy/devastated, etc. - never constant and rarely productive.  Any other thoughts ... .

Dear jdtm

I think this question is very interesting. I think most people have this curiousity about what kind of future their kids will have... .it is natural. I feel I have come to a point where I have to let go of that kind of thinking... .because although I am curious I also beleive it keeps me in a place of being judgemental. It really doesn't matter what kind of life my dd has... .it will be her life and she is free to do with it as she pleases. If I start worrying about her future I don't think that is very productive and I think it keeps me stuck. It prevents me from being accepting... .I really want to have radical acceptance of my dd... .look at her without judgement and realize that it is her life to live.

Everyone is going to have ups and downs in their lives... .there are going to be challenges... .what I hope for my dd that she will gain the skills necessary to tolerate and cope with these trying times... .and that she will be able to enjoy all the happy times as well.

Hello there,

Yes, I agree with Jellibeans that the less expectations I've had for my DD28, the happier we all are.  It was harder when she was under age 18.  In our journey, I must say up and down is where we've traveled, but she has leveled out some as she has aged.  She's living with a boyfriend (of three years) which is a milestone for her.  Best wishes on your journey- There's nothing boring about it!

I suspect my son, who is quite high-functioning BPD and gets a lot of sympathy and attention to help his narcism thrive because of his disabilities will do quite well for himself. He hates us so much that I think once he doesn't need us anymore we'll be cut out of his life with surgical precision. It might take a few years for him to achieve his goals but I'm fairly certain he's given up on us coming around. My major concern is that he seems determined to take my younger son along with him and cut him off from us too.

Some very wise comments - thank you.

I think it is only fair to say to you that yes, they will probably have an up and down life, and because of that so will you. What I want to say to you is that there is hope.  With the proper help and support, things can get better for your child.  You do sometimes have to let go of what YOU want for the child, and accept him/her and the life they make for themselves.  I know when my children were born, I only wanted them to be happy and healthy.  That is still want I want for them.  Accept your child, try not to worry too much about the future.  The less pressure I put on my daughter to be a certain way, the more validating and accepting I am,  the better our relationship has been.  When I have really actively listened to her, she was more willing to listen to me and accept help.  We have been able to make some joint goals and she has made progress with some of them---and that helps me see that there is potential in her and that I can let go and see where HER LIFE will take her.  Good luck to you, I truly know the roller coaster of emotions you feel.  The unknown is so hard.  Take care of yourself first and foremost.

"The McLean Hospital Study of Adult Development in 2005 reported on the course and outcomes of BPD.  Researchers led by Mary Zanarini, Ed.D., one of the world's foremost researchers in BPD, found the following five significant results after years of studying these patients.

They found that the absence of active BPD symptoms after six years of treatment was much more common than had previously been thought. For many years, clinicians thought that this group of patients was a lost cause.  However, the McLean study showed that 74% of patients were without active symptoms after six years.

These remissions were generally stable, and the recurrence of BPD once in remission was rare, only about 6%.  What this means is that once a person gets better, the chance of the symptoms returning is low, which is great news.

Completed suicides were far rarer than anticipated--about 4% as compared to the 10% in previous outcome studies.  Despite this finding, because it is only 1 study, until more studies are completed, most researchers and clinicians still quote the 10% figure.  Nevertheless any study showing a reduction in suicide is great news.

A "complex" model of BPD best describes the condition.  In this model, some symptoms--suicidality, self-injury, and impulsivity-improve relatively quickly.  These symptoms are  often the immediate reason for needing costly forms of treatment, such as psychiatric hospitalizations.  The symptoms that are closely associated with ongoing psychosocial impairment- such as chronic feelings of intense anger, emptiness, and profound abandonment concerns--are much more difficult to treat.

People with BPD overall continuously improved their life functioning over time.  The study groups felt that people with BPD were somewhat belatedly achieving the developmental milestones of young adulthood.  This is significant because we found that some imaging and EEG studies have suggested that brains of people with BPD appear to mature more slowly than those without BPD pathology."

Quoted from "BPD in Adolescence" by Blaise Aguirre, M.D. (https://bpdfamily.com/book_review/blaise_aguirre.htm)

Also noteworthy is the belief of Dr. Aguirre that early intervention, in adolescents, will shorten the recovery time of 6 years.

Thanks madmom ibnjltx - you both have given me hope.  And this week - well, it has been a "smooth ride".  So thankful for this site ... .