BPDFamily.com

  Hello evryone. 

  This is a tuff one. The weekends here in florida can be hard for me. The weather is beautiful, always something to do. (Wich sucks when all you want to do is chill in bed) the weekend was our time (dexBPDgf and i ) the weekend i had was a normal one for us during the r/s.  I woke up a little later than normal (worked 16 hrs yesterday)cooked breakfast,  cleaned my truck and took my best friend (my dog) to the beach. I needed that today, no stress and chillin time. Then I had dinner with some family , now im hanging at home.  (Had a great day)

    When I feel this way (alone)  as I do at the moment, I usually jump on my crotch rocket ( motorcycle)  and ride its so theraputic for me. Its just you the open road and alot of horse power between your legs . When I hit a rural area I pin that throttle and effing go.  There is something so peaceful about this I always come back from a ride with a smile. Its 1  am here and I cant sleep soo its time to get my ride on .sorry neighbors my bike is loud . Lol

   When I felt my dexBPDgf on the bike of my bike holding on tight ,  I felt so close to her this  was a major bonding moment for me. I never wanted our rides to end everything else in life  just melted away. ( first time I've ever felt this for anyone)

What do you do when the loneliness creeps in?

I go to the sea, sit and watch the waves or go for a swim if its warm enough. I go for long walks by the sea, if its raining I just put on a jacket - love the smell of the rain.  I also clean which is odd but I like a clean house and at the end of the relationship, if I did house work, that triggered an out burst as I was not spending time with him and my focus was else where. So now I find cleaning calming and settling and it comforts me and I feel less lonely when I do it. So a side benefit of getting out is I have a spotless house  lol

 Hi Tibbles

  Definitely a good coping skill. Also a clean enviroment improves your mood I've noticed. Im sure im not the only one that when I was fresh out of the BPD r/s and bummed  out my house work was put on the back burner for a hot minute. I snapped out of my funk and got off my butt.lol.

I love the sea as well , So calming and i feel more centered. It is an amazing escape. It was especially beautiful tonight.

I just got back from my ride and  ahhhh so relaxed now. So needed that . From the tone of your post Tibbles you sound like yo u are doing well. Glad to hear it, we have been through the ringer

And deserve some smiles back in our lives.

 

So true Sun Seeker, we have been through the ringer and how! We sure do deserve some smiles back in our lives. The way you describe the riding, it sounds wonderful and so up lifting, go you!

I think loneliness will be a part of my life for a long time to come and it is something I am slowly making my peace with. I look at it as something that will come and go, it is not a bad thing, it is just something I will have to deal with. Considering what my life was like - I can deal with loneliness cause it also means peace and calm and safety and security and not being constantly afraid any more. So on balance, feeling lonely at times is OK. It wasn't about a year ago, but it is now  :)

Hi sun seeker. Boy can I really relate to what you have to say!

I've been here in Florida for four years now. I left everything in New York(long story) and moved down here to be with my girlfriend(who is now ex).

It took me a while to figure this out but all I did was move into the continuation of her life. Maybe this is my fault but I was never made to feel like Florida was my new home. It was almost like you're here now, just get used to it. I thought first of all that this was going to be the last relationship in my life, that I found my soulmate, my love, and also that I was going to retire here and never have to see harsh winters again.

Bull crap!

I've got no vehicle, and basically no money right now. I've got a muscle problem in my left leg that prevents me from being active like I used to. I associate the beautiful weather with the ex-girlfriend, and the picture that runs through my mind is her enjoying everything that she had and has, while I'm stranded here in the house all alone. I do mean alone. I've got the people here at the BPD family, I've got friends on Facebook, and I have my son back in New York who my Skype with on occasion. That's it! I've got about a week or two before I'm out of this place,, I'm still under the same roof with her and it really sucks. Just like your girlfriend on the motorcycle, we used to do everything together also, now I don't even get a smile or a kind word. As I've been saying she went from love to hate in the blink of an eye. I just can't change that quickly so my life was practically annihilated. It used to be baby, honey, sweetie, love, all the nicknames we had for one another that reflected love in my opinion. Now when she walks in the door, I'm lucky if I get "hey". That is totally disheartening and makes me feel so hurt. I know it's my name, but when she calls me by my name it hurts also.

So right now I'm lonely all the time. What I've I've been doing with myself? I've been getting closer to the Lord again. I've been praying. I've been learning how to pray. I've been reading a lot. I've been packing and sorting my possessions for the move. So I really don't know how to have a good time here because of the circumstances and because I was never made to feel at home in Florida.

I can say that I'm looking forward to going back to New York, which is my destination. It's taken a while to build up funds to make the move as well as find a destination to go to. Oh another thing, I'm learning about the benefits of being alone. It's a new ballgame.

Now, I gotta tell you this, when I was in New York I had a business, I had my own shop where I spent a lot of time pursuing my interests and my skills. I used to enjoy detailing my trucks, going walking by the lake, going to Bruegger's bagels and Starbucks on Saturday and Sunday. The way you feel about cracking the throttle on your motorcycle, I felt the same way when I went to the rifle range to shoot. It's exhilarating.

Man's best friend, that's fantastic you have your dog and no matter what you do your dog will love you. When I had my Rottweiler back in the 70s and 80s, we went walking everywhere. My son was about eight years old and we did lots of things together. Those were great times. I've lost nearly everybody in my family, mother father brother two sisters grandparents, and all that I have left in blood is my son in New York. Well I guess I could wish you a wonderful day, it's a little overcast but still it's going to be a nice day I'm sure.

  Hi dying love

  Wow... your story has me pissed at you ex. what the heck.Dam I hate this effin diorder. It screws everyone they come into contact with on a personal level.  Sounds like you are on the right track brother. 

Wish i knew you  i would have gottin you out of that torture chamber for a few hours( house) and do some man ___ . Glad your son is there for you and its most definitely cool  your moving home. I bet you are stoked. Return to some normality.

  I was having muscle spasms in back for about 6 months docter visits weekly I did get some relief , it wasnt until I walked away from my dexBPDgf  all of a sudden my back spasms stopped. Stress man it will twist you up.

Hang in there dying love the end of your adventure is near and all this will be just  memeory in due time.  Take it easy my friend and hope your day is good as well. Keep that positivity up . It will get better I know it does. 

Thanks Sun seeker.  Believe me when I say that I'm NOT going out of my way to make her sound bad.  Thanks for your kind words and the hugs.  Funny you mention the back spasms... .I got a pinched nerve, screwin up my neck back and entire left arm.  I got this starting the other day when she pissed me off.  I was quiet and held it in.  But you are right about stress. Stay strong!