BPDFamily.com

I'ma relatively healthy male in my 40's, and have been dating a younger women with BPD on and off (go figure) for about 2 yrs. I do have High Blood Pressure which is usually controlled but this relationship is literally Killing Me! We stayed and lived together for a full year and one day she simply told me she was bored. She completely disconnected from me and made me feel so ignored and unwanted I moved out. She completely ignored all forms of communication with me, so I walked away and went into NC. I was devastated. I feel into a deep depression, stopped taking care of myself as well as taking my meds for my HBP. One day while standing on the porch I became very light head, saw nothing but red before me and I passed out. I ended up gashing my forehead pretty badly and still have that scar. Out of the blue, 3 months later she calls me asking to meet. I agreed. We were like two teenagers and had wild, passionate sex. We were on again. This lasted 4 months. One day after helping her out all day doing and running errands I was installing a refrigeration unit at her place and I had to run to the store. I was frustrated that I ended up going to several stores to finally find the part I needed. I walked into the house in a bad mood. She asked what was wrong and I shrugged it off. Once I installed the window unit she says to me that she can tell I No Longer want to be w/her and that I should leave and Never come back? Once again, bottom dropped and I fell into bummer mode for several months, lost almost 20 lbs and ended up in the hospital.

3 months after nothing, she re-appears. Yes of course... duh... I fell for it again. This time, I asked for better communication. She agreed. 3 months go by and she tells me she doesnt love me anymore? This time I became very angry and wanted to talk it out. She called the cops. Even though I was on my HBP meds I became so upset that I had a TIA(transient ischemic attack) warning stroke. Now my left hand, pinky and ring finger are numb. So that's it! I cant/wont do this Anymore... I'm Done and though I Love her to ":)eath" it's just not worth my life and soul. If there's anyone that is going through Round 1, save yourself and walk away.

Hi dagwoodbowser,

*welcome*

I'm so sorry you had to go through this.

Your ex partner is affecting your health with HBP; had a warning stroke and left hand, punk and ring finger are numb.

She's phasing in and out of your life, she wants intimacy and fears at the same time. (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=79300.0)

I think your making the right choice, you have to ask yourself how self-ware is she of her mental illness and she may not be aware of her behaviors. At the heart of the disorder is the core wound of abandonment, deep issues with abandonment a lack of of emotional nurturance from this core trauma, she doesn't trust herself or others.

Is she still in touch?

I've heard for 20 years that I was alternatively the best and worst man on the planet. Mostly the worst.

I thought I could outlast the demon... .decades of coping only made it worse. I told myself I would live for the moments when the idealization phase would return for a time and maybe the future could be different. But each hurt left a scar despite my efforts to accept them and move on.

Diagnosed w BPD in 2011 she claims she will get better on her own without therapy.  But I checked out years ago... .empty and exhausted; useless to anyone. But life goes on and healing happens while we're not noticing. Nevertheless, demons that drive them are almost always there waiting for release.

Don't give up on yourself. The "what if" can still happen. Find yourself first and the rest may come. I found friendship, acceptance and eventual love in the unlikeliest of places... .here.

You'll be fine... .but it takes an act of volition on your part. You're two years in... .it took me 20. Good luck brother.