BPDFamily.com

Hey  everyone

Friday is the roughest for me lately.  Memories of my dexBPDgf seem to escalate at the end of the week. Facing the weekend alone has me not in such high spirits these days. Every week is a little easier. The usual routine was I pick her up after work on friday , then we would go grocery shopping,  then cook awesome food together (this was my favorite time with my dexBPDgf)  I love to cook.  Now im doing all this alone. And its getting to me. I need to feel this, own it and I am. Im constantly reminding myself of the bad times as well which are greater in number before I walked away.   Sometimes i miss my "exbest friend" calling her that just now made me tear up.  I needed to share this and get it of my chest.

Dont get twisted im staying N/C. 100% Life is so much better now without dexBPDgf.

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Im definitely going to the beach in the morning,  I need to crawl under my truck and change my oil. I have to pull the front tire of my crotch rocket and change the brakes. Im keeping myself busy. I enjoy these things.

 

  Thanks for letting me vent guys. Im so greatfull for this board.

Friday is the same for me especially when i remember getting home and pouring the first drink with her before getting high on what we could... .how crappy is that when read out loud?... my world revolved around getting so far out of it i couldnt see reality?... now i drink to enjoy not make 'our' time ok and numb the pain of how she treated me and how i let her treat me

Hi SS,

Seems like weekends are tough for me, but they're getting better. My exBPDbf, his daughter and I (that was my little family :'() would always run errands on the weekend and on Sunday night we'd go out to eat. On Saturday nights the little one and I would watch episodes of 'our' favorite TV show until she couldn't stay up any later. And on the weekends she went to her mom's it was like a 48 hour date night for us. 

I'm trying hard to focus on the positives of being by myself, like I can sleep in or go to a movie or take a lunch to the park. Plus the positive aspects of being away from the moodiness and drama. But oh yeah, I totally empathize with you, SS. I miss him and love him but I know that he isn't healthy for me, physically or emotionally.

i found w/ends were worse before the b/u. that's when he knew he had a couple of days to rage at me before i had to get back to work.

  Hey all

Thanks tj, star, mitatsu

it so good to know i am  not alone with this. Im not a drinker but I am at a local bar  having a few drinks unwinding from a very rough week. You words are a comfort , I really appreciate it. She was my everything.  I just wish someone would put in half the effort I do into an r/s. I just want to spend my life with someone who truly appreciates me completely. . I do have hope for a brighter future with someone. i have alot to offer the right person. Im just going to concentrate on getting myself healthier. 

I just keep choosing the wrong people to date my whole life.

A little back story.

I take  care of my elderly father he is 91 and deaf , blind and in a wheel chair and I could never put him in a home. He was  not a good man in life as far as a father goes (violent alcoholic marine) but he  was a great provider. He was a general contractor for over 40 years and work his a*s off every day. I respect him for that very much. Who else do you know that would do this? My count is zero... (I never said anything this personal here. (Jack & coke i I guess)  lol

I am a tradesman an definitely not rich , i do have a good life i want for nothing (except for that someone special) but I do work hard as hell (something my dad thought me)

I am so glad for all of you on this board. (I believe it  has been a life saver)

It has been a rough road , n/c has been the best thing ive done for myself in a long time.  I am in a much better mood because of this board and all the stories that are ALOT worse than mine

(Not being a jerk) I just realize I got off alot easier than most. (No  kids no marriage) I would have married my dexBPDgf if she could get better , thats not reality.

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Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for being here for all of us BPDfam. You guy are awesome! ! |iiii

I can see how the onset of the weekend would trigger fond memories of the relationship, I know that they did to me. It seemed really unnatural going places and doing things afterwards... .even my daughter had noted this. Afterall, we spent almost all non work hours with one another.

I have a doctor friend that always tells me that the best healer is time and distance and that has been a part of the process for me as well as this site and the people that are on it. One thing that I think that you already know that has helped me a lot to understand; along the way somewhere, I realized that I didn't think of her specifically but that I did think about not having someone around... .a partner to have during all of those mundane everyday things... .I also realized that what was also gone now was a future. I am now in this sort of limbo or purgatory without her. In other words; it came to pass that I was not missing her specifically (matter of fact, I realized that there really wasn't much to miss) but I WAS missing the r/s. Here being who she was, it could really have been someone else.

I hope that this helps.

Thanks for this post. The weekend comes around and I miss a partner. Your right not so much him as I would not know day to day how he would act but a true boyfriend that is into me and I am into him. You just can't go out and invent that chemistry quickly.

I too am still in shock that my future is so misplaced. When you think your getting married and moving etc. and your left with nothing but an email b/u it takes awhile to adjust.

I am learning about my inner child, outer child and true self. It is a fascinating and makes me realize how little I knew myself until now. Maybe this is the silver lining and I am told that this time in my life is temporary. So, I am hanging on that... .

The weekends are also seeming to be the hardest for me. Living through that right now 

Friday. The worst. Getting better after 7 months, but they still suck.

I work weekends so I dread work more than I miss her. Also every two or three weeks me and the dog go to stay with my parents. I see my niece sometimes and generally, my weekends are too busy. Although every so often when up on the terrace at my parents apartment, I look out onto the verezano bridge, with bittersweet memories of my drives there to pick her up or drop her back off. Hell, any time I head down that road sometimes for my other job, I'm brought back to those days.

When we were still seeing each other, but she wasn't with me... .I'd sometimes stop myself while on the terrace, point towards the bridge and across the Hudson. "My hearts over those hills" I'd say to no one but myself and would just stare longingly for a moment. At that point in time, somewhere over those hills, some distance along the road, there she'd be. If only my affection could just reach, so that my touch could be felt not with her skin, but with her soul. Even if imperceptible to her, my love would find her, over those hills.

I couldn't wait for the weekends. Sometimes shed stay a week or more. I'd go to class and shed be home with a hug and a smile. So strange that the same person could make me feel so small. I think I may have told her just once about the vista and what I'd say to myself. She might have said something to the effect of "thats sweet" but I do t remember clearly.

Other than that, I think its those brief seconds when Im logging into my Netflix. I'd think off all the things she'd have liked to see.



Anyway my dude, hang in there and great work on keeping busy. It really is the best way to take those days back.