BPDFamily.com

Hello-

So I am slowing going off medication for depression and anxiety to get pregnant.  I recently started talking to my uBPDm and things were going well for about 4 months.  She was respecting my boundaries and the conversations were pleasant. 

Well last night she left me 6 voicemails and 5 text messages ranging from 8:30 pm - 11:00pm .  My phone was off. So I woke up to drunken messages where she repeated herself, was mad that I was not answering the phone.  Best of all she said she wants to go to Hawaii with me and my sister next year.   She said she was turning 66 next year and that is when grandma died, grandpa died at 68 and she wanted to do something she has never done before. (FOG)

There is no way in the world I would go on a vacation with her ever.  She drinks and is unpredictable. Of course, she didnt think that I would hopefully have a baby next year. 

So the next day she apologized, said she had a hard month and to let it go. 

Well that made me extremely angry- do not tell me to "let it go". Like I have done my entire life. I will not ignore these fits.

So now I am wondering how she fits in my life for the next 2 years while I go off medication and try to get pregnant, then when I am pregnant.  I really need to keep my stress levels low and do not need to deal with my drunk mother leaving 6 voicemails and 5 text messages.

I stopped talking to my Mom for a couple of years after a terrible episode.  I dont necessarily want to cut her off right now but what consequences should there be when my uBPDm does these sort of things that are upsetting.

Its already hard to work full time and go off medications and try to get pregnant at 36 years old.

Any advice... .do I give my uBPDm a few chances, and if she continues to call me drunk, do I cut her off for awhile?  I dont know

Hi RiseUp

Great news that you are trying to get pregnant! :)

It's good that you are slowly going off the medication so you can adjust to it. How are you feeling so far now you've been taking less medication?

I understand why you might be reconsidering how to move forward with your mother. You are planning significant changes in your life and the added stress of your mother's behavior is probably not what you are looking for. You said things had been going well for about four months and that she was respecting your boundaries. Hod did you communicate your boundaries with her? And do you feel that you are not only comfortable with setting boundaries with her, but also with enforcing/defending them?

Whatever you decide to do, taking good care of yourself is very important as you're reducing the medication and preparing for this new phase of your life. So I think it's very good that you're so mindful of keeping your stress levels low |iiii