BPDFamily.com

Had a talk with dBPDxbf today (2yrs in therapy, stopped).

He's been dating around but not replacing me.

He asked how my dates were going and I answers truthfully: that things are going well, and that I'm seeing someone else.

He mentioned twice: I think it is farely quick. Can I say that?

> the guilt trip didn't work

I care for him but it's his battle.

The one good thing is that he has seen that he can't be in relationships - at least for now. I'd like to think that that was my 2 cents and that whatever we went through also got helped him a little in his journey - apart from the fact that we're not able to finish the trip as a couple. Isn't that a succes story, too?

It sounds like you have a good, healthy perspective on everything. You're right. It is his battle. You can hope for the best for him, but you can't be apart of it.

The only thing I would say is I wonder if there couldn't be somewhat better boundaries in one respect. I wouldn't want to discuss my dating life with my ex or really hear about there's, but that would just be my reaction.

I think it's a success story simply because you can have amicable conversations.

Yeah I can see this one, good point. I guess we're discussing it because we've also discussing recycling (not in those terms :P) and we're keeping each other posted on when we're deviating from what we said earlier. That's why I mentioned I had a date the last time I saw him, and he did a follow-up question. The thing is, newBF and dBPDxbf live in the same city, quite close to each other as well. He did mention he'd not want me to visit his winebar with him which makes perfect sense (and I would have never done that).

By the way, he did mention me he had kissed with a girl we both know - one of his friends. He said "I should not have done that, it was just one of those nights, but she's crying about it now because I said I don't want a r/s. I haven't heard from her in a week and she says she needs time now."

I have to 'restrain' myself from sending her a message that she's probably better off. She's such a nice girl and I'd really want to save her from all the drama, but I'm not doing it. That would be savior like behavior that I need to get rid of.

If you feel good about your relationship with him now that the romantic part has ended, I'd say that is a resounding success.

If he's got concerns / issues... .and you can let them be his... .that's fantastic.

I hope you are able to continue a friendship.