BPDFamily.com

I don't even know where to start so I guess I'll start with my sister's recent explosion last night. I have had to block my sister from texting or calling me I don't know how many times. She goes insane and off in a rage and sends the meanest, most spiteful texts anyone can ever imagine sending. Everyone has always told me she is jealous of me my entire life but I've not done anything to make her feel that way. So last night I decided to take down my facebook page. Had nothing to do with her at all! I just got tired of reading everything on there and didn't feel like having my private life exposed on the internet anymore. I was just over it at this point in my life. So I did post something on there just letting everyone know that i was taking my page down and put my work and personal email address up. I let everyone know that I was just going to take it down before I went on vacation this weekend and wanted everyone to have another way to contact me. That was it!

My sister always posts inappropriate stuff on there (at least inappropriate to me). I'm sure she was drinking. She said something like who gives a F--K what anyone thinks on FB. I deleted her comment because I have coworkers and friends of coworkers on there. She then posted another comment that I had to delete which sparked her friend saying something similar. They were egging each other on, not trying to be malicious towards me. They just thought they were being funny and both I'm sure were drinking. All I did was text her to stop posting stupid stuff on there and dropping F bombs on my page. I got tired of deleting their comments with foul language so I just hurried up and deactivated my account before it got any worse. This is why I hate Facebook.

I went to bed early with my daughter. I woke up to the nastiest text messages you can imagine. In my sister's typical style, she started blowing up my mom's cell phone and our house phone. She tends to do this. Why? I'm not sure. My mother is old and was just diagnosed with cancer and she has to deal with my sister's BS and drawing her into the middle of her crazy behavior. I woke up and looked at my mom's phone and saw she called it 6 times before starting to blow up my house phone. Why? All I did was tell her to stop posting F bombs and told her i wanted to take my FB account down. I don't get it! What does this have anything to do with her?

Sorry for my ranting but I'm so angry right now. I woke up to texts telling me I'm stupid, I'm a closet drunk (she's the one with the major drinking problem... .MAJOR), most of us post things like that on FB and don't take it to heart, no matter what she does for me I will always feel I'm better than her, go away, I'm sad, she feels sorry for me, i think that leaving for a week and going on vacation is going to make everything better (not sure what shes talking about what "everything" is), I suck at relationships, I need mental help, I suck at love and friendships, hopefully I will make my vacation about my daughter and not me, I have no day to day friends I talk to, I'm a joke, I'm hateful, she's done with my crazy stuff, i have no real relationships, etc.

I've been trying to get over a cold so I woke up at 3 am coughing and looked at my phone and saw all of this. I couldn't go back to sleep and it's taken everything in my power to not rip her a new one. I mean everything in my power. I've blocked her calls and texts. This has been going on for years. I moved into the same town she lives in last summer and these situations seem to happen more and more frequently. She ruined my birthday last year because I basically didn't want to have her throw me a party because she blew up my phone with the nastiest texts a few nights before so I canceled it. I had to have her not come to my daughter's bday party because of this same behavior and she started spouting off texts like this to me, my brother and sister in law. It got to the point that my brother refused to be in my home for my daughter's bday if my sister was there because she was so nasty. I had to choose to not have her here so my brother's family could be here. The only reason we started talking again a few months ago was because my mom was diagnosed with cancer and didn't need this drama.

I'm sorry for this long post but I'm just so angry right now. Who gives anyone the right to do this stuff? Drunk or not. There's no doubt in my mind my sister has BPD. I want to keep typing because I'm so angry at her right now but I'll stop here. I hope some of you can shed light on this and share your experiences. I just don't want her in my life anymore.

And lastly I just want to say that when she goes off into these rages (I'm assuming when she's drunk but who knows) she has in the past sent over 50 texts. I think once it was almost 100. She will then call my poor elderly mother and drag her into the middle of our arguments. We are adults! What does my mom have anything to do with this? I mean this is all so crazy I couldn't make it up if I tried.

She has also attacked my friends in the past. I don't know what my friends have to do with her at all but she's done it to me, my sister in law and even my sister in laws friends whom shes doesn't even know well. My sister in law has basically cut her out of her life after the blow up before my daugther's bday that came out of left field and refuses to communicate with her. She has attacked my sister in law since the day she walked into my brothers life and my sis in law is the nicest person you'd ever want to meet. She's never done anything to my sister. I guess I'm just ready to do the same. There is only so much one person can take.

Hi Marias!  So sorry to hear what you're going through, and I can very much relate.  My uBPDsis is different - and only really turned on me 2 years ago, after my Mum died.  she started to make my life hell, and stopped us sorting out my Mum's estate, - in the end I had to instruct a solicitor and it has cost me quite a lot, but if I hadn't done that I would never have found my way through the nightmare.  It is still going on, but we are on the last stretch now.  She doesn't communicate with me much directly, but when I went through the probate solicitor file recently (they stopped acting for us as she was accusing them of all sorts of things) I found loads of letters where she had said vile things about me - really terrible, but really mad as well, and absolutely nothing to do with the estate.  I had received similar letters myself but hadn't realised how many she had sent to other people.  She also accused everyone she came into contact with, and particularly anyone who has anything to do with me - of terrible things.  The lies don't even make sense and can be disproved easily, so they are completely futile.  I was only able to cope with a few months of it, and then she wrote something so disgusting saying I had stolen from my mother while she was alive, and was violating her deathbed wishes etc. and a line was crossed for me then - I instructed a solicitor and went NC as far as possible, and I did slowly get my sanity back.  This place really helped when I found it - to find out I was not alone and there are people who really understand made a massive difference.  What worked for me was when I allowed myself to believe it was not my fault, and I didn't have a responsibility to help her all the time she was spreading lies about me and being so abusive.  I was getting ill myself and I have a family and am also the breadwinner, so I couldn't let myself sink completely.  I no longer feel any guilt about anything, though I do still have to hear about her antics, and it is still spoiling my life to an extent.  She has run up various debts that people are now chasing me for, that have nothing to do with me, so there is still some legal stuff to sort out - but it will be over at some point, and for me then, unless she ever gets in touch and sounds normal and like she has got some help, I don't want her near me again.  She has cost me a lot of money, stopped me from grieving for my Mum, and made my life hell for the best part of 2 years - and that's a big enough price for me to pay.  I wish you well.

HI marias,

Sounds like things are getting really out of hand and it can’t be easy having to wake up to those nasty messages. No one deserves to have to put up with that no matter what the circumstance.

My own sister is uBPD and she has similar outbursts where she will going on text/phone call spree. One time she was upset over something (can’t remember now) and called me 10 times within 5 minutes. I was at work and it was so embarrassing have to deal with all those phone calls. Even my colleagues know when my sister is calling because of the look of dread on my face. It sounds like your sister has a similar lack of respect for your boundaries and very little to no insight into the insurmountable stress your mother must be under due to her cancer diagnosis.

I know it’s hard but try not to take those messages personally; she is reacting to you putting up your boundaries and taking down your FB page (even though it has nothing to do with her). If it’s possible try and turn your phone off for a few hours. I know that has helped me in the past. I would conveniently “forget to charge my phone” whenever I had a feeling that my sister was going to bombard me with calls or texts. Sometimes I wouldn’t even bother reading the texts and would just delete them if I knew that it was just going to be something that was going to get under my skin.

At the end of it all you have to do what is best for you and what you feel comfortable doing. Just keep in mind the importance of taking care of yourself and follow your instincts. It can be hard to know what to trust when you feel so overwhelmed and everything seems to going in so many different directions at once. Take some time for you, put some distance between you and the problem, and then tune into yourself. You’d be surprised at how much you already have figured out; you just needed to bring your attention to it. You know the situation better than anyone else and you know what you are capable of dealing with and what your limits are.

Don’t apologize for venting, you need the release and this is the place for you to do it. I hope things work out and the craziness subsides.

Hi Marias,

I just wanted to tell you first of all reading your post was like a chapter of my life.  I'm so incredibly sorry you have to wake up to these "episodes."  I know exactly how stressful and confusing they can be. 

My uBPD mom will do exactly the same thing.  It can be over something as small as Facebook, just like you described.  Then suddenly she's off the deep end and my phone is now a harassment tool.  She can email/text/call 50+ times.  It really gets shocking how much anger is behind their outbursts.  My mom, like your sister says the same exact thing.  She tells me I have no one in my life, that in a loser, I'm lazy, no one really likes me, and tons of other child like insults.  I really have come to think that this is severe projection, and what she feels inside herself.  Then she attack me as a release.  They always attack the people closest to them. 

I was like you. I would get so worked up, where I would just explode and call my mom crazy and tell her she basically needed to be committed.  Now that I am educated, I understand I was only fueling the fire.  I was becoming unbalanced, and it was unhealthy.  I don't have to be worked up, and I don't need to be angered to the point of even engaging. 

It has been a couple of months since I've FINALLY cut off my mom.  If you've been done with your sister 100 times, I've been done with my mom 100+1.  What I'm saying is, it's never too late.  You gave her chances because you love her, and probably feel for her.  Sometimes you have to put your own sanity first.  No one needs to hear these things about themselves.  Even the most sane person who understands BPD, can't help but be affected by their venom. 

I'm not going to tell you what to do with your sister, but if you do keep her in your life consider some boundaries.  In my moms case she was just like your sister and it was a walking on egg shell thing, so I had to cut her out completely.  I do read about some people who are able to be firm and can deal with the situation.  For me, I not speaking to my mom is the only way for sanity. 

You spoke about your sister drinking, and that can only make things worse.  For my mom, she never really went down the drinking rabbit hole, but on the rare occasions when she did drink, there were some SERIOUS attacks (verbal) on people.  It just takes down any (if they even have them) limits to what they'll say to insult you.  It opens the oral flood gates, per say. 

I'm here if you ever need to talk... .

Thank you all for your replies and for sharing your stories. Although they are different, I know they all hurt the same. Spruce - I'm so sorry you had to experience that from your parent. I have already blocked her texts and her calls. I was so angry this morning that I didn't trust myself either. I'm actually really proud of myself for not reacting to this. yes in the past I would do things like delete the thread without reading it. Now I just block her.

I spoke to one of my best friends on my way to work this morning. It's kind of sad. My sister in the past has tried to paint me black to my own closest friends. She's extremely manipulative. She's done this with my family. They all know she's crazy. I did find out this morning that something I had recently confided in her about, she ran and told my sister in law. I would NEVER have done that to her. Crazy thing is that like I said, my sis in law I didn't think was even talking to my sister. My friend I spoke to this morning and I completely believe this was my sister's way of making me look like I have major issues and trying to get them on her side against me and as a way for my sister in law to start talking to her again. See how crazy and manipulative this all is?

I'm proud of myself for putting my boundaries up but I know this cycle all too well. I had a great talk with my mom who is usually always pushing me to keep the peace with my sister and guilt tripping me. I was really calm when I talked with her and told her that I'm an adult and this is my decision to make, I don't want her in my life because of her repeated abuse and that I didn't want her to try and sway my decision or tell my sister anything about me. She completely understood. I know it is difficult for her but I was just happy she listened and understood without guilt tripping me.