BPDFamily.com

I am new to this site (this is my second topic) and have some observations regarding my fiancée with BPD. There seems to be some connection between hormonal changes that trigger her "fits" or "episodes".  She loves to run, feels compelled to run to stay in shape, and takes it very seriously. After she gets back from running (anywhere from 1 to 5 miles) she is very aggressive, very on edge. I was wondering if adrenalin would be a hormonal trigger? The other hormonal situation is when we are intimate. The next day after she has an orgasm she can be very difficult to deal with, almost like after she runs. Was curious if anyone else has experienced any of these hormonal triggers?

Thank you,

Circle T

Interesting, I'm curious what others say.

I have some anxiety at times, however, I am the opposite and feel very relaxed in those situations. 

If she takes both these situations seriously, perhaps it brings on a win/lose competitive mentality. Is she judging herself as maybe not as good as she would like to be, and then projecting that blaming attitude?

Waverider:

Thank you for your reply.

In regards to her running, she is very driven and highly motivated to be healthy. I have thought that after her run she has such a high level of adrenalin that she continues in this "mode" of be "driven" to an extreme. I know that she has experienced ridicule, teasing, and meanness/critical regarding her desire, the way she runs and frequency of running from most all of her previous relationships. She has told me this and refuses to allow me to go with her. In 15+ months she has allowed me to go with her twice. I was never critical of her, and was very thankful and supportive. My motivation was to protect her, sense of security. These previous relationships have really left her with a terrible memories. She does like to run and spends the time praying and clearing her head. But when she comes back from running she seems to be angry. I thought is was a conditioned response, that in the past she was "hammered" emotionally before, during and after running and possibly, still, in her mind I am the potential for the same type of treatment. Even though I have never, nor would I ever do such a thing.

As far as our intimate encounters, they are completely non-competitive, deeply loving, sacrificial... .everything that they should be. I can add that, never have I experienced such a level of intimacy, oneness with anyone else. However, several hours later or the next day she seems different, emotionally... .more aggressive, more easily angered. This emotional state will last for a day or two. 

After reading some articles in medical journals researchers seem to think there is some correlation between hormones, brain chemistry and mental health triggers for several types of disorders including BPD. My current plan is to continue to be a loving, supportive, encouraging spouse in the hopes that her actions (regarding her running) is nothing more than a conditioned response to terrible memories of previous relationships. That some day these memories will be so distant that she will no longer be easily angered or aggressive before, during or after her running. As far as our intimacy, this seems to be a bit more challenging, possibly due to her childhood, previous relationships and chemical imbalance.

I would certainly appreciate any additional insight, thoughts or experiences that you may have or anyone on the message board.

Thank you... .Circle T

Well, all evidence points so my wife being affected by hormonal triggers.  I'm pretty certain that changes in blood chemistry have a strong effect on her moods.  In my wife's case it could be her menstrual cycle or blood sugar. 

I think in the case of BPD, any kind of change is a potential trigger and tough for them to deal with.  Being happy and having a good time can be a trigger for my wife.  Sex is definitely a trigger.  Good things somehow trigger negative emotions.   

I wonder... .

Do you think she actually DOES feel good and calm following these acts, however, will not allow the good to linger as feeling good actually is an emotional trigger for guilt, or an emotional trigger for punishment, or that she is angry at herself for feeling that way as it could never last long.  Like a self fulfilling prophecy of punishment and she will just not allow the positive effects to sit with her?

Was she punished specifically when happy as a child?

Does she always feel that happiness cannot last and is waiting for someone to squash it?

Does she hate herself for getting her hopes up, feeling good about something, then it falls apart and now she blames it all on her being happy.  Meaning she equates happy=vulnerable=weakness=people will now exploit.

(I'm just making this up btw)

 

If you think more about the feelings... .how does that change the way you look at the events.

Ultimately... .it all comes down to what they are feeling... .in any one moment.

FF