BPDFamily.com

Hello there,

I have written before regarding my 21 year old daughter who has been diagnosed with BPD.  She has been in DBT treatment for almost 2 years now and today is doing well.  Breath, sigh. I am curious if anyone else has experienced the following situation - DD has been given permission to exit DBT group and the accompanying individual therapy but an additional diagnosis has emerged and now she is attending exposure Therapy to learn how to cope with bad dreams, triggers etc. from episodes that we as parents don't really know much about - all apparently around an ex boyfriend who we really didn't even know she was still seeing (we have been told he also has BPD and we do know about drug use and addiction).  She has relayed the diagnosis as Complex PTSD.  When I google this, it talks about POWs and women who have been involved in sex trade,  etc.  I do know that she made some dangerous and scary choices during impulsive episodes and I know that there have been some pretty heavy consequences, and a great deal of shame around those.  But, I am kind of at a loss.  We have spent so much money on therapy and does this mean we have more years to go?  Does anyone know anything about this type of PTSD? 

Hi jaynebrain

I am very glad to hear your daughter is doing well and has benefited from the DBT treatment :)

This additional diagnosis of complex PTSD is unfortunate and might complicate things, but at least now that she's diagnosed she can also get targeted treatment for it. When exactly did she get this diagnosis and is she perhaps already getting treatment for it?


Could you tell us some more about this? What kind of consequences are you talking about here?

Hi JayneBrain  

Good to see you back and also glad to hear your d is doing well and working on her recovery through therapy.

I looked for some info to get you started on understanding Complex PTSD and this is what I found thus far:

DIFFERENCES/BPD AND PTSD (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=42598.0)

BPD vs Complex PTSD (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=231210.0)

I'll keep looking and reply again if I find something else.

lbj

Thanks so much for your prompt responses - I will review the links you shared with me.  Consequences range from a DUI to a pregnancy to discipline at college due to being involved in substances, posting items on electronic media, failed classes, reputation, hospitalization, many ruined relationships, holidays, special events, including a family that has now alienated us and others.  So many of these consequences of course have affected us as a family - but she relives some of them in dreams and triggers. My heart breaks for her as she realizes more and more - she is no longer numb.  Not taking meds and doing this exposure therapy.  I had :'( just about gotten my brain around BPD and all that entails - feeling a little overwhelmed and not quite as hopeful now.  Not to mention the financial piece - insurance covers nothing - we are about 100k in!

Oh my... .that is a lot of fall out.  So it seems that you believe that the Ptsd is caused by the consequences of her behaviors... ? Am I understanding correctly?

lbj

Yes, I do believe that is so.  There is no way to know for sure what we are talking about - she has been so covert in all of this.  We really only know pieces of the puzzle.  The therapist of course will not share and DD feels that she is handling things and that the "facts" would not bless us or help with our relationship going forward.  There is am piece of me that is very resentful as I don't know how long we can continue with this type of therapy.  We are literally maxed out on all credit cards - no vacations, not much in the way of entertainment and we both work fulltime.  She does not work at all, although very happy to report that she is doing well at college and has one more year to go. Any input would be appreciated.

:)

Hi jaynebrain,

Sorry about the financial drain... .I get it... .we paid out of pocket for 9 months RTC for my d at 7.5K a month. 

I do know you can get an equity line of credit and the interest is tax deductible, there are companies that finance treatment. 

Might it be possible to use her college funds (if you have them saved) for treatment and have her apply for a loan for next year?

Throwing things out there... .if they don't fit... throw'em back. 

lbj

lbjnltx - thanks for the information.  We are presently applying for loans for this last year of school plus living expenses for her (we are also carrying that burden) so, hopefully that will work out better.  How would I find companies that finance treatment?  I so appreciate you sharing your ideas!

:)

I google companies that finance medical treatment and care.

AmericanHealthcare Lending is one among many... .they for sure finance behavioral health care, some do some don't.

Could your d qualify for medicare under her disabilities?  Is this an option to explore?

Thank you again.  We have thought about the Medicare piece, however the therapist that she has been with and has had great success with would not be covered at all on Medicare.  I am very nervous about switching therapists.  I have found (others please feel free to add to my thoughts if you know more) that DBT and PTSD (Exposure Therapy) are both highly specialized and very rarely on HMO plans, let alone Medicare.  I realize that this is not a life and death situation (as it has been in the past) but the long hard years of going without and trading our future for treatment seems so unfair.

Nothing about or related to this disorder our families suffer with is fair!



lbj

Hi jaynesbrain,

I was thinking about you yesterday when I heard an interview on the radio with the author of a book called PTSD: A Love Story. The author (Mac McLelland, I think is her name) refers to PTSD as "irritable hearts," which is apparently what civil war soldiers called the aftereffect of war trauma before they had the label PTSD to describe what happens to our nervous system when we experience trauma.

What struck me is how she described the people around her suffering from the effects of her PTSD. Living with someone who is mentally ill can create its own kind of trauma.

Self care is so important. It's also very hard for women (in particular), and for moms. I hope you are able to learn ways to take care of yourself, as hard as it may be. I found this discussion about what it means to practice self care (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=112473.0) to be helpful (click the green text to see the conversation).

One thing I did was to take a mindfulness-based stress reduction class. Paying attention to the way the mind chatters has been a life-changing experience. I find it hard to practice self-care because I'm broke and have no time, so taking 5, 10, or 15 minutes (30 min if I'm really indulgent) to practice mindfulness is how I take care of myself. It also helps me stay in the present, which is not nearly as challenging as the past or future  :)

Thank you livednlearned,

I appreciate the reminder that self care is the best route to take in this journey we all travel.  I will listen to the radio article. What a meaningful description that is!  That's is certainly what I see in my daughter.  Although, I have to say (with so much emotion in my voice) that I can physically see her making an effort to draw on the DBT skills she has learned.  warms my heart. 

Praying for good days for all of us AND our mentally ill loved ones.

That makes me emotional too, reading your words jaynebrain -- to see our kids take care of themselves, to apply the skills so they can feel whole and healthy. 

my self got c-ptsd , but I felt dealing with another BPD was of an other magnitude and much more complex. I guess the arrested development in BPD is very sentral, and is causing much of the childish black-white thinking, memory loss, impulsivity, immaturity, etc ... .which counts up for much of the boxes in the disorder.

myself is  experiencing high levels of anxiety and stress in short periods ... .that is most of it.