BPDFamily.com

I will ask here because I am sure many people here have dealt with the same dilemma because of BPD.

My wife came into the marriage with 100k in student loan debt.    I knew this going in, and I knew the moment we got married the government would make her start repaying it.  And that is just what happened.  They look at our combined income and say she must start paying now.

And it is a huge amount per month.  Believe it or not, previous men would not commit to her because of her huge debt.  The debt exists because of her irresponsible behavior, so there is tremendous shame in her emotions right now.  The financial burden right now is something I can't afford, she is not mentally capable of holding a job, and that means I need additional income or some way around paying this debt.

Any advice here on getting a student loan debt managed in such a way it is not crippling?

Hello max,

Best wishes on wedding.

My suggestion if you haven't already done so is to post and ask on Legal as well.

 

I'm going to say posting in legal as well.

And then add a couple suggestions.

I use a prepaid legal service... .about $20 per month (touch less) to get myself phone access to a lawyer.  I've had this for years... .and found it invaluable.

If it was me... .I would call the student loan people with you wife there.  That way she can authenticate you and make it ok for you to talk to them. 

Ask them if there is paperwork so you can call and ask questions without your wife there.  Usually some kind of release.

Tell them the situation... .and that you can't pay what they want.  What are options.  Ask if medical evidence of a disability will help.  Any other reasonable questions... .ask away.  Write it all down.

Then... .I would call my prepaid thing... and discuss options and what they told me. 

Go from there.

You could post options they give to legal.

OBTW... .my understanding is a BK doesn't remove student loan debt.  Don't know this... .but have heard from several sources.

I finished paying off my wife's student loan debt... .5-6 years ago.

What are interest rates?

FF

My personal thought here after doing preliminary internet research is that we should apply for have her loan forgiven on the basis of disability.  From the requirements I read, it seems like she may qualify.  But there are drawbacks.  But from a purely financial standpoint this may be the best way to go.

FF - I think what you are suggesting is some kind of negotiated payment.  That option may work, saying "We can't pay this amount per month, but we can pay this lesser amount," and see if they go for it.  The reality is, she will never, ever be able to repay that debt in her lifetime. 

I had luck keeping in constant contact with them. Pointing out actual incomes to them. The first number they gave me was a radical computer generated number.

After showing after tax income, plus all my expenses documented, they allowed me to pay much less, and even skip payments during some lean times. It all about communication.

And each time they switch loan officers on you, you have to start all over.

Good Luck!

Like what?

Like she would have to stay committed to being on disability for the rest of her life and not working or going back to school.  If she gets a job, or wants to take out another student loan, she would have to start paying again.  So, we may be able to get the loan forgiven (and the $450 per month payment), but then she is stuck taking in the maximum of her disability check.   

For now... .

At least you would have a constant that you can deal with... .(nice thing to have in BPD land)

And... .if she has the opportunity to get a job... .evaluate the financial impact of that against loosing disability and having to start paying loan.

If... .you can get a deferral or forgiveness worked out... .on 100k... .take it in heartbeat.

My sense is... .for a while... .that is low on your priority list.

Unless there is something I'm missing...

People on the legal thread can probably help you better, but I found this on

www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/debt-marriage-owe-spouse-debts-29572.html (http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/debt-marriage-owe-spouse-debts-29572.html)

"So if you incur a debt, such as a student loan, while you're single, and then get married, it won't automatically become a joint debt. (An exception is where a spouse signs on to an account as a joint account holder after getting married.)"

I'm not sure what kind of account the parenthesis statement means, but it is worth looking into. I have found that a lot of places subscribe to the spaghetti theory-throw the spaghetti at the wall and see what stick. They might send you a bill, but that doesn't necessarily mean anyone is obligated to pay it. But if they scare you into thinking you DO have to pay it, they get their money.  (My experience from working in a Family Law office and calling in collections)

Really, here, nos 1-99 on the priority list are all, "get her a therapist."  I say that because if that doesn't happen, none of anything else even matters.  Money isn't an issue if she is suicidal.  Having a child isn't an issue if she is suicidal.  NOTHING else matters if she is suicidal.  Is she suicidal?  Not sure.  But after finding out this news about the student loan, she told me she wanted to die.  

I've been telling her that for months - that her mental health is #1.  I will tell her to stop doing anything else and focus on her.  She refuses.  She thinks the best way to take care of her mental health is to manage all these external things that she blames as the reason she is falling apart.  And I don't have to tell you why that plan fails.  Her AA sponsor did say to her today that she needs to prioritize her mental health, and let everything else go.   It sounds like she listened to her sponsor.

 

From the point of view of the debt... .now is the perfect time to deal with it.  And it might provide you a distraction.

Definitely keep her out of it... .once she "gets you in" the system.


From the point of view of her... and your r/s... .absolutely you have the priority.