BPDFamily.com

I know, weird and unbelievable question. But here goes:


Before the relationship I played video games all day, everyday. They were my life, and I was miserable.


During my relationship, my dBPDgf had a family that was so freaking healthy is was a shock to me. I started doing other stuff, enjoying life, etc.


After the relationship, I'm much more stable, fairly happy, and enjoying life with a bright outlook... .but am totally lost with my free time. I play video games, but they tend to bore me now. I watch movies, TV, but they bore me as well. I love driving, but that's expensive as PLEASE READ (https://bpdfamily.com/safe-site.htm). So... .what the hell? How do I find out what I like? How do I find a group of friends after all mine were locked out during my 5 year relationship?

I'm not saying I get depressed with free time. I just don't know how to fill it.

What a fun challenge to embark on.  Try a bunch of things:

Do you like the outdoors?

Do you like sports?

Do you like art?

Music?

Yes, kind of

I'm not sure, never played as a teen, now it seems I've missed the boat

Not really

Not really

I love the outdoors.  Hiking, running, biking, etc. 

Running and biking can be fun because there are a lot of social groups for both that organize group runs and rides with good people.  Many groups exist for beginners as well.

By looking around.  There are activities we see, wherever, and go 'that would be so cool!' to ourselves, and others we go 'better him than me'.  What do you think about doing?  How does it make you feel?  Best to take an idea and check inside with your gut, and if whatever it is gets your juices flowing, then do that.  The other choice is try a bunch of things that you're 'supposed' to enjoy and see if you do, but to me the chances of stumbling onto your passion are slim, you probably already know.

Sidebar: some friends of mine used to be heavily into FPS video games and decided to take it our into the world, which is much healthier, so they opted for parkour.  Personally jumping off a roof, doing a back flip, and landing on a railing before doing a roll on the ground sounds cool, but the thought of screwing any of that up and lying on the ground broken and bleeding is too much for me, guess it's not my thing.  But mountain biking?  Now we're talking.  The injuries can be the same or worse, but somehow I don't care... .

If you're into the outdoors, maybe check meetup dot com website for a hiking group or some such.

On that note, maybe you could find a videogame club that does group online play events.

Also, cliched advice but maybe find someplace to volunteer to get you out and about.  Even some dumb physical labor such as our local library gets people to move books around a couple times a month for their book sales, or a food bank that needs help sorting and shelving donations.

What did you do with the family that was fun to you or was it the connection of a family? What did you look forward to?

I was going to suggest meetup.com too. Browsing through the groups may give you a better idea of what your interests are. I joined a few groups a while back, had a really good time and met some really nice people. I was nervous at first but got over that pretty quickly.

I was going to suggest some things you could do to find things you might want to do... .but didn't have ideas much better than you've already heard... .so this is a different take on the question at a higher or deeper level than the practical stuff.

Be brave enough to choose something... .and allow yourself to be wrong about it.

One of my biggest issues is having the confidence to make my own choices and follow my own dreams, in things both big and small in my life. (I let my wife's whims and choices dictate things for years... .and said either "yes" or "no" to them, instead of asking myself what *I* wanted, and then negotiating it with her if needed.)

I found a great sense of freedom in realizing that I could make a choice... .discover that I didn't like that choice and was going to make a different one next time, or shift directions. More often I made a choice and was happy with it.

Suggest you pay attention to tiny desires, which hint at things you really like.  Be aware when you come across something that pleases you.  When you find one of these golden threads, follow it to see where it leads . . .

LuckyJim