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Title: A Tale of two Reece's Post by: Reecer1588 on March 30, 2015, 01:35:55 AM I feel like there are two distinct Reece's right now. Maybe even more.
First Reece: he's tired of all of this. He truly does not give a ___ and is tired of caring. In his mind, he knows that someone else will come along and that life really isn't that bad right now. He understands intellectually that his ex girlfriend was a person with a mental disorder, and like a tornado, her actions against me would have happened to anyone. He understands that he just contacted two people who both were eliminated from her past, and that alexandria will continue to eliminate people in her life in the future. He wants nothing to do with her. Second Reece: Oh second Reece very much loves his ex girlfriend. He wants to hear from her. He feels so sorry for her and he would do anything for her. He cares about her so very much. He wants her to love him like she used to. And GOD he would kill just to get a text message from her now. He is so devastated, Lost, confused that the girl he loved, gave affection to, made love to, up and left him and tried to ruin his life. But he doesn't care about anything in this whole wide world except her. He sees her as his only chance for happiness in this life. He would do anything and screw over anyone including his own family just to have her back in his arms again. There are two people living inside of me friends. One is more powerful during the day, when i'm playing basketball or busy at school and it's light outside. One is master of the night who terrorizes me in my sleep Title: Re: A Tale of two Reece's Post by: Pingo on March 30, 2015, 08:13:08 AM Hi Reecer, What you are experiencing is completely normal and expected. We are complex creatures, aren't we? We can feel two opposing feelings, have two opposing thoughts. This is cognitive dissonance and this is maturity, something the person with BPD doesn't seem to grasp. For them it's either this way or that way, can't be both (hence why we are either painted black or white)... .my T says when you can stand outside your grief and see it objectively (your First Reece) this is growth and healing!
Many, many nights I got through the day okay only to cry myself to sleep. The sadness was overwhelming. I just allowed it. I didn't fight it. Those were tears that needed to be shed. I also learned that the tears were not just about him but of a lifetime of grief that I had not dealt with. It gets better! I'm 9 1/2 mths out and he is rarely on my mind when I go to sleep. Keep working and focusing on you, explore your emotions, don't judge them. |