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My enduring memory of my BPD mom is that of a red faced, angry lady. Always grumbling, always up for a fight. I see this angry woman simmering away in Madonna (considered to be NPD) and for others. Here in the UK the term Narky, I remember being used as early as the 1970’s always meant “in a bad mood”. So lets have a quick vote on this. Was you BPD “Narky” or serene and happy ?

Oh and lets not forget Jeremy Clarkson’s just been sacked from the BBC for being “Narky”. He punched a Hotel manager ‘cause he wanted steak at silly O’clock... .

Hi HappyChappy,

Yes. My uBPDmom was definitely "narky".  lol She often went into rages and her face would contort into all sorts of scary positions. She also would reveal the Waif and Hermit quite often as well. You just never knew who you would be dealing with on a daily basis.

Is this the only way you remember your mom?

Wishing you all the best.  :)

Hi HappyChappy,

I have an uBPD mom and older sister. Though they are both uBPD and exhibit many of the same traits, there are also differences. My mother's 'preferred' or base state is that of 'Waif' and when 'needed' the Hermit, Queen or Witch come out. My sister is different though, her base state is that of a 'Queen'.


Your description of Narky sounds a lot like my uBPD sister. She always seems to be in a bad mood and wanting to pick a fight with someone

I am also very curious to know if 'Narky' is how you generally remember your mom. Or is it perhaps that those 'Narky' moments have made the biggest impact on you and that there were also some less 'Narky' moments?

Thanks for the responses – kind of needed that. And you both describe “Narky” relatives. I guess it’s because my BPD is very much the Queen/ Witch type and very Narky.

Permanently in a bad mood having us always walking on egg shells. But as effective as this permanently angry stance can be at getting us to do what they want, my BPD never seemed happy. So I was wondering if anyone has a BPD, who's managed to manipulate themselves into a position of happiness. I often wondered why people like Bob Dylan, Madonna and Kim Jon Yung who have it all, always come across as angry/unhappy. Maybe it's the Narky factor.

Hi HappyChappy, well I'd never heard of "narky" before but I'd say yes, my uBPDmom was fairly narky. She seems to enjoy conflict, it energizes her. She will say that she was held down emotionally as a child and not permitted to express her feelings, and now that she's an adult she goes off on people at the slightest issue. She considers her anger purifying, with no concern for the (figurative) dead bodies left in her wake. My memories are of her screaming in a shrill voice quite often, probably almost daily - at me, at my dad, at a stranger at the mall, at another member of her recycling volunteer group. I was always embarrassed at her disproportionate reactions, and I felt bullied by her anger. She will tell a story of her drinking wine (she would get drunk sometimes and call up my dad and stepmom to scream at them) and my younger brother (probably no more than 5 or 6 at the time) saying "mom, don't get mean". She thinks this is a funny story. I think it's incredibly sad. She gets a kick out of how she acts and cares not how it affects others.