BPDFamily.com

It's been a long time since I've posted. The realization that I have a deeply rooted "white knight" complex coupled with therapy, self-evaluation, and intense physical activity and school work has lead me to a much better place. I've given up on trying to help her. Occasionally during the past year or so since our split I would hear from her, sometimes texting her to let her know that I hope everything is going ok and sometimes via her texting me with one of any number of emotional intents. That said, the dread, the emotional uncertainty, the fear of losing her... .all of that has subsided and been replaced with belief in myself, so when she contacts me, I understand why.

About 2 months ago she began the first of a series of conversations that initially gave me hope, but ultimately reminded me that her goal in life is not to grow but to control. She contacted me saying that she finally realized that she has a problem, and that she is "seeking help". To spare you the lengthy details, in time she told me that she was doing a series of "spirit journeys" with "an old man" who was "spiritually enlightened". Curious, I enquired about this old man, but her response was indirect and avoidant. Her history of drug abuse, primarily involving psychedelic substances, made me believe that this meant she was basically saying what she said throughout our entire relationship; basically, "drugs can show you the meaning of life." I also thought it possible that there was no "old spiritual man", or, even more likely, there was no "old man" but she was still using drugs. My response was simple. I told her that drugs hadn't gotten her anywhere, and that wasn't going to change.

A couple of weeks ago I get another, similar text. She tells me rather cryptically, "I am shame. I am a damaged child. I run from you because you are the father figure, and I reject the father. I am a succubus. I control you. I will castrate you like the dumb animal you are. I am not sorry for the things I have done to you. I have no empathy. Not even for my own mother. I lie to my friends, my mom. Nobody sees who I am."

HOPE>LOVE>REINVEST>HATE

A four step process. Only now, it doesn't matter. I care about her, but refuse to play ball. Because of this I am whole.

With love,

Woofhound

Wow, her message was chilling.

" I will castrate you like the dumb animal you are. I am not sorry for the things I have done to you. I have no empathy."

it wouldnt matter if i knew about BPD, id be pretty creeped out by this. how are you feeling as a result?

Wow! That message was pretty wild!

It's cryptic.

She might talking about her core wound. 

Either way, pretty aggressive message whether or not you are BPD.  To even construct a message like that could suggest a lot of different PDs.  Take care of yourself.

As you said, she is incapable of growing, she wants to control. I agree with a few of the others, this is creepy stuff. Poor woman sounds very damaged. Please take care of yourself.

Only playing "Mr. Semantic" for a good reason.

Cryptic is when the meaning is camouflaged and/or obscure.  She might not have spelled out specific circumstance, but she was pretty darn specific about who she is and does.  So that stuff ain't cryptic, especially as you begin to understand BPD.

I'd say 99 percent of the planet would read that and have a reaction that involved expletives pertaining to her mental well being.

She kind of did you a favor in a sense.  She laid bare what is in her mind.

Succubus drain life energy.  My uBPDexgf the first time we met threw herself at me physically and then during our first "session" later that night, she literally bit my neck/should area hard and held on as I fought and blood seeped into her mouth.

And I stayed why?  I was a bit slow on the uptake/in denial/happy a beautiful woman wanting me so badly.

Succubus indeed.

I feel like it was a cry for help. I feel like it was another "Leave, but stay attached." Plea. Thanks to this site I am armed with enough knowledge to know that detaching is my only option in cases like these.

It's cryptic.

She might talking about her core wound.  [/quote]
I believe you are correct. Our whole relationship she focused on my losing my father when I was young. So much so that I began to manifest symptoms of her disorder. She never talked about her past or her father (who was just an accidental sperm donor to her mother.) Craziest thing ever... .being convinced you're damaged.

Holy CRAP.


my dBPDex did the same thing to me. Blacked out, woke up, bit me - hard, on the shoulder. I couldn't do anything to remove her. She then blacked out again and now "doesn't remember it"

Honest but creepy.

I got bitten on the shoulder hard. I spun around and either elbowed her or pushed her... .Purely an instinctive reaction. Then she got extremely upset because I "hit" her. Started telling me I'm just like all the others who have abused her.