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Title: Really?... Post by: whirlpoollife on March 30, 2015, 06:45:26 PM Just waiting for actual divorce decree to be signed by the judge... .then it final.
But in the meantime... .my neighbor, married male, sees npdxh . Xh tells him that that its all done, that he (x) did not know I was divorcing him. And that he is in shock over it. Had no idea. I FILED FOR DIVORCE THREE YEARS AGO! He also told neighbor that he is on antidepressants over this . Neighbor felt he was more than antidepressants as x's eyes were showing it. (x was also a heavy drinker, from the looks of it still is) He want told neighbor he is going to come over to his house and have a beer with him so they can talk. To find out who caused me to divorce him. Neighbor told me I need not explain anything. He doesn't like h x and didn't like him inviting himself over. Another male aquantince , also married , had a similar story. Said x wants to go out with him for a beer to talk... .that he is trying to fish information out of him. I apoligized for x, he told me not to worry , that he talks to him just to tell me later what he says. (He refered to him as an angry troll. ) Three long years in the family court legal system ... .I see that side of him... . Then he still portrays himself as the sad husband whose wife ... .all of a sudden left him. I'm so glad I made the decision to leave him when I did. Title: Re: Really?... Post by: livednlearned on March 30, 2015, 07:14:22 PM It's a different reality going on between those two ears.
Happy Nihilist posted this about male sub-types that I found helpful. Dr. Theodore Millon identified four different subtypes of Borderline Personality Disorder, which I feel correspond well with Dr. Christine Ann Lawson's four "mother" subtypes. The main distinction seems to be between inward-acting and outward-acting. While pwBPD are individuals and will often show traits of all subtypes, they tend to "favor" one type. "Inward-Acting" (typically lower functioning) Discouraged Borderline (Hermit, fearful) -- avoidant, melancholic, or dependent features. Pliant, submissive, humble; feels vulnerable or in constant jeopardy; feels hopeless, depressed, helpless, and powerless. They tend to be clingy, go along with the crowd, and walk around feeling somber and dejected. Deep inside, they are often angry and disappointed with others. While their anger can explode outwards, they are much more likely to do harm to themselves by self-mutilating or even suicide. Discouraged Borderlines operate in Abandoned Child mode, believing themselves unworthy of love and affection, and behaving accordingly. Self-Destructive Borderline (Waif, vulnerable)-- melancholic or masochistic features. Inward turning; intropunitively angry; conforming, deferential, and ingratiating behaviors have deteriorated; increasingly high-strung and moody. The Self-Destructive Borderline is marked by a constant sense of bitterness turned inward. Their levels of self-hatred can often reach monumental proportions, leading them into all types of conscious and unconscious self-destructive behaviors, ranging from poor healthcare and hygiene to reckless driving to performing humiliating sexual acts. They often suffer from depression as a co-occurring diagnosis and are often self-injurers. They "need" someone to save them, but ultimately refuse assistance because helplessness feels safe. This type operates in an Abandoned Child mode. Since he or she does not feel loved, he or she reacts in self-destructive ways in an attempt to feel something instead of nothing. "Outward-Acting" (typically higher functioning) Petulant Borderline (Queen, controlling) -- negativistic features. Impatient, restless, stubborn, defiant, sullen, pessimistic, resentful; easily slighted and quickly disillusioned. The Petulant Borderline is torn between relying upon people and at the same time keeping their distance for fear of disappointment. They vacillate between feelings of unworthiness and anger. This anger can be quite explosive. The Petulant Borderline operates in an Angry Child mode. He or she is angry and will hurt friends and family as a result. He or she often does not recognize the anger -- the world is the problem, not them. Impulsive Borderline (Witch, sadistic) -- histrionic or antisocial features. Capricious, superficial, flighty, distractable, seductive; fearing loss, becomes agitated, gloomy, and irritable. The Impulsive Borderline tends to be flirtatious, captivating, charismatic, and elusive. They are highly energetic thrill-seekers who are easily bored and seem to have it never ending appetite for attention and excitement. They will often act without thinking, and the result is chaos for everyone involved. This type is in constant conflict with society. Bouts of violence are not uncommon. This type may have antisocial personality disorder as a co-occurring diagnosis. The Impulsive Borderline is operating in Abandoned Child mode (pleas for attention), as well as Angry Child mode. The Angry Child believes that other people deserve to be punished for the borderline's pain, and behaves accordingly. (info from Psychology Today (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/impossible-please/201310/do-you-know-the-4-types-borderline-personality-disorder), Healthy Place (http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/borderline/2012/01/becoming-more-specific-subtypes-of-borderline-personality-disorder/), and Theodore Millon (http://www.millon.net/taxonomy/summary.htm)) Abandoned child modes are interesting. I saw that in my ex -- the waif subtype. It's why my T didn't think he was full-blown NPD, more that he was BPD with strong narcissistic traits. It is too painful to consider that they created the conditions for abandonment, so they describe themselves as victims to others. It's one of the things that I fell for, as hard as it is to admit. I thought this wonderful guy had been so badly treated by his ex wives, his ex law partners, his family. Not realizing until I went through it myself just how unstable and destructive N/BPDx could be in his interpersonal relationships. Title: Re: Really?... Post by: whirlpoollife on March 30, 2015, 10:36:40 PM Thanks lnl, for posting that quote.
For x , I would say, the implulsive boarderline because of the antisocial behaviors, ... .other people deserve to be punished for their pain, constant conflict with society. Angry child ... .( but it mommys (me) fault that I am ) and abandoned child that needs constant attention. Thrill seeker implusive , he was too lazy for that though. Yea when I met him, he was a perpetual victim who wanted to outsmart and get back at the persons who were doing him wrong. That's why I slept with one eye opened. Title: Re: Really?... Post by: scraps66 on April 01, 2015, 06:55:25 AM It gets to the point that they lose sight of the truth and start believing their own distortions. It's like being left in the desert with no visible landmarks and no compass.
Title: Re: Really?... Post by: ForeverDad on April 01, 2015, 10:06:37 AM It gets to the point that... .we just don't know for sure what goes on in their heads, whether it's the perceptions, the entitlement, the whatever. Comes back full circle... .deal with the behaviors.
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