BPDFamily.com

This is an article about "Triangulation".

Although it addresses Narcissists and  Psychopaths, I think it applies to all cluster B disordered person or let's say all toxic people who apply it.

Triangulation was one of the reasons I stayed in that toxic relationship and kept going back for more after being discarded.

I found this article very insightful. I hope it helps you too.

From the book: www.Book.PsychopathFree.com

To draw you closer, narcissists & psychopaths create an aura of desirability—of being wanted and courted by many. It will become a point of vanity for you to be the preferred object of their attention, to win them away from a crowd of admirers. They manufacture the illusion of popularity by surrounding themselves with members of the opposite sex: friends, former lovers, and your eventual replacement. Then, they create triangles that stimulate rivalry and raise their perceived value. (Adapted from “The Art of Seduction” by Robert Greene).


Psychopaths, like most predators, seek power and control. They want to dominate their partners sexually, emotionally, and physically. They do this by exploiting vulnerabilities. This is why they love-bomb you with attention and flattery in the beginning of the relationship—because no matter how strong or confident you are, being in “love” makes you vulnerable by default. Psychopaths don’t need physical aggression to control you (although sometimes they do). Instead, relationships provide them with the perfect opportunity to consume you by manufacturing the illusion of love. This is why it’s so damaging when bystanders say: “Well, why didn’t you just leave?” You never entered a relationship with the psychopath expecting to be abused, belittled, and criticized—first, you were tricked into falling in love, which is the strongest human bond in the world. Psychopaths know this.

So how do psychopaths maintain such a powerful bond over their targets? One of their favorite methods is through triangulation. When I mention this term, survivors usually equate it with the next target, but that is not always the case. Psychopaths use triangulation on a regular basis to seem in “high-demand”, and to keep you obsessed with them at all times. This can occur with anyone:

1. Your family

2. Their family

3. Your friends

4. Their friends

5. Ex-partners

6. Partners-to-be

7. Complete strangers

The psychopath’s ability to groom others is unmatched. They feel an intense euphoria when they turn people against each other, especially when it’s over a competition for them. Psychopaths will manufacture situations to make you jealous and question their fidelity. In a normal relationship, people go out of their way to prove that they are trustworthy—but the psychopath does exactly the opposite. They are constantly suggesting that they might be pursuing other options, or spending time with other people, so that you can never settle down into a feeling of peace. And they will always deny this, calling you crazy for bringing it up.

The issue here is that you’re accustomed to such a high level of attention after they first lured you in, so it feels very personal & confusing when they direct that attention elsewhere. They know this. They’ll “forget” plans with you, and spend a few days with friends that they always complained about to you. They’ll ignore you to spend more time with their family, when they initially told you that they were all horrible people. They’ll seek sympathy from an ex when a member of their family dies, and explain that they just have a “special friendship” you wouldn’t understand. Often—if not always—that ex is someone they first claimed was abusive and unstable.

Seeking attention, sympathy and solace from people who are not you is a very common tactic of the psychopath. As an empathetic person, and as their partner, you rightfully feel that they should be seeking comfort in you. You’ve always healed them in the past, so what’s different now? They once claimed that they were a broken person, and that you were the reason they were happy again. But now, they turn to private friendships or past relationships that you could “never understand”. And they will always make sure to shove this in your face.

This brings me to the next topic: social media.

Technology makes it so much easier for psychopaths to manipulate through triangulation. It can be as simple as liking a comment from an old ex, while ignoring one from you. They will “accidentally” upload a photo album where they’re embracing the ex they once claimed to hate. Everything appears to be unintentional—you often attribute it to insensitivity—but make no mistake: it is carefully calculated.

They will post strategically ambiguous statuses, songs, and videos that suggest you might be “losing” them. They will share things that are intentionally meant to lure in new & old targets. For example, an inside joke with their new victim. Or the love song that they once shared with their ex. This does two things: it leaves you feeling unhinged, anxious, and jealous. But it also makes the competing party feel confident, loved, and special. They are grooming others as they erode your identity—two birds with one stone.

They want you to confront them about these things, because they are so seemingly minimal that you will appear crazy and jealous for bringing it up. They will calmly provide an excuse for everything and then blame you. Covert abuse is impossible to prove, because it’s always strategically ambiguous. You can’t prove that they’re luring in their ex because of a song they posted, but you know it intuitively. This is how they finalize the crazy-making. Because let’s be honest: complaining about Facebook statuses & comments does seem immature. That’s exactly how they want you to feel.

Psychopaths are also expertly skilled at surrounding themselves with givers—insecure people who find self-worth in taking care of others. This is why your giving seems so insignificant and replaceable during the relationship. They adore qualities in others who are nothing like you—sometimes even the exact opposite of you. The message is simple: you are no longer special. You are replaceable. If you don’t give them the worshipping they deserve, they’ll always have other sources. And even if you do give them positive energy, they’ll get bored of you eventually. They don’t need you. Their current round of fans will always spoil and admire them, making you believe that they truly must be a great person. But take a careful look around. You’ll notice that they all seem to have an unspoken misery about them.

The final triangulation happens when they make the decision to abandon you. This is when they’ll begin freely talking about how much this relationship is hurting them, and how they don’t know if they can deal with your behavior anymore. They will usually mention talking to a close friend about your relationship, going into details about how they both agreed that your relationship wasn’t healthy. In the meantime, they’ve been blatantly ignoring frantic messages from you. You’ll be sitting there wondering why they aren’t chatting with you about these concerns, considering it’s your relationship.

Well, the reason is that they’ve already made the decision to dump you—now they’re just torturing you. They only seek advice from people they know will agree with them. That “friend” they’re talking to is probably their next target.

After the breakup, they will openly brag about how happy they are with their new partner, where most normal people would feel very embarrassed and secretive about entering a new relationship so quickly. And even more surprising, they fully expect you to be happy for them. Otherwise you are bitter and jealous.

During this period, they make a post-dump assessment. If you grovel or beg, they are likely to find some value in your energy. They will be both disgusted and delighted by your behavior. If you lash out and begin uncovering their lies, they will do everything in their power to drive you to suicide. Even if you come back to them later with an apology, they will permanently despise any target who once dared talk back to them. You’ve seen too much—the predator behind the mask.

This is why they constantly wave their new partner in your face, posting pictures and declaring their happiness online. Proving how happy and perfect they are. It’s a final attempt to drive you insane with triangulation. To make you blame the new target, instead of the true abuser.

Exes who stay strung do not understand that they are puppets to the psychopath. Instead, they feel that they are fulfilling some sort of beautiful duty as a friend—someone who will always be there for them. They don’t understand that they are only kept around to spice things up when the psychopath becomes bored. They don’t see that they are the basis of so many fights—not because their friendship with the psychopath is special and enviable, but because the psychopath intentionally creates that drama. They are operating under the delusion that their friendship with the psychopath is brilliant, unique, and unprecedented. When in reality, they are just used for triangulation.

So how can you protect yourself from this devastating emotional abuse? First, you must learn self-respect. I will discuss this in more detail later on in the book. But the bottom line is, you need know what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior in a relationship. You should know that a partner who cheats and antagonizes is not worth your time. You should never resort to calling yourself crazy in order to account for their extremely sketchy behavior. But that’s hard to do with subtle, covert, crazy-making abuse.

So here’s where I introduce “The Detective Rule”. The idea is simple: if you find yourself playing detective with someone, you remove them from your life immediately. Remember your Constant? Do you play detective with them? Do you cyberstalk their Facebook page and question their every intention? No, of course not. So you know the common denominator is external.

Even if this sense of distrust feels obscure and unreasonable, trust your gut. If you are constantly worrying or doubting your thoughts, it’s time to stop blaming yourself and start taking action.

Miraculously, every single time you remove that toxic person from your life, you will find that the anxiety subsides. Some of us are better at judging ourselves than others, so this finally gives you a chance to put that to use. You can decide whether or not you like the way you feel around someone. No one can ever tell you that your feelings are wrong. Remember the question: “How are you feeling today?” The answer is all that matters.

Triangulation leaves long-lasting emotional scars, and it makes you feel as if you are a jealous, needy, insecure monster. Start healing those scars and understand that they were manufactured. You were not yourself—you were manipulated. The real you is kind, loving, open-minded, and compassionate. Never question these things again.

I don't buy that my BPDexgf was a psychopath, but some of the behavior described here rings so painfully true.

In my relationship, I had to contend with my exgf's ex boyfriend, who she described as emotionally, verbally and physically abusive. At the same time, she would say things like, "he'll always be a part of my life" and "he knows me better than anyone". Only after the relationship ended did I realize how much she was most likely trying to put me in competition with him. Because it was made very clear to me that he saw me as competition, and he wanted me out of the picture. She would text him constantly in front of me, come to me for support when she said he was being emotionally abusive and possessive.

But then he "had" to stay at her place when he came in from out of town because no one else would take him in. And she's telling how he's treating her like ___ and even making wildly inappropriate sexual advances on her. I ask her to stay at my place but she won't.

And then they got caught shoplifting together, and that created even more drama because she blamed him for "ruining her life" (she claimed she didn't steal anything, only was with him when he stole, but I read the arrest report and it definitely sounds like she was an accomplice). And yet even after this, they have this weird, "special relationship". Which I might be able to deal with if, but she texted him with him in front of me so much. One night I told her very calmly but assertively that it made me uncomfortable how much she texted with him when we were together. And she freaked. That was basically the first time we broke up, and the relationship never recovered from that.

Then after the breakup and inevitable and ill-fated "let's be friends phase" she does similar things. Talks to me about how she went out and a mutual friend tried to hit on her, but it's okay because she shut it down. Invites me to an event she's hosting, but then tells I probably shouldn't come because she invited her new boyfriend. Stuff like that. Nothing crazy, but it did provoke a reaction in me.

Mine had her phone set so that it would "ding" anytime she got a call, text, email to several accounts, facebook message or update, or pinterest account activity.  They she never told me why her phone was going off every 2 minutes and why she never mentioned what was going on. It was designed to make her seem very liked/desired or she is just clueless.  Also, she would flirt with people/ignore me in public to get a rise out of me and make me a "try hard".  She would also ignore my communications in a seemingly punitive manner for the same reasons

She did have me obsessed with her.  When she was out of my sight I had no idea what she might do and in my sight she was acting shady on her phone and trying to get "supply" from anyone around, especially males.

"The issue here is that you’re accustomed to such a high level of attention after they first lured you in, so it feels very personal & confusing when they direct that attention elsewhere. They know this."

This totally describes how I felt after the rapid devaluation.


"In a normal relationship, people go out of their way to prove that they are trustworthy—but the psychopath does exactly the opposite."

I went out of my way in this manner and she thought I was weird and basically said she didn't care about my life or what my activities were when we were not together.

I was love-bombed, for the most part for 5 years... .but once that opportunity arrived for her to be pursued by another I believe my ex just turned into the "psychopath" that is described above. I think it was very familiar behavior for her. One of the bizarre things was, she had described someone she had dated treating her in exactly that manner (triangulation), and how painful it had been (victim), early on in our relationship... so of course that just set me into hyper rescue mode. (just what she wanted I guess?). When she stated up with the replacement she seemed to have changed overnight from the person I had lived with for 5 years.

I happen to like the term "psychopath", because when the triangulation started I could see and sense that she had this subtle sense of cold enjoyment going on.  It was maniacal. At least, that is how I sensed it. I do not think that I imagined my perception. The hard part was me doubting myself as to that that was ACTUALLY what was going on. She was a master of creating doubt by lying by "omission"... .but my soul just sensed something was not "right"... .as up until that time, I had deeply trusted... .so the perceived change just threw me for a loop and I was very confused and uncertain... .just where they want us to be... .doubting "ourselves" instead of them.  It's sick stuff and for me it caused a lot of emotional damage. ... .and I stopped responding to the game immediately when I was "sure" just what was going on.  It took a while. I did not play when I got my wits about me, and wholly understood how I was being duped and abused.  A couple of times I saw that maniacal sense of enjoyment (of power?) on her face when she knew that she was causing me an extreme amount of emotional pain. It was so hard to actually believe that I was seeing what I thought I was seeing. ... .but it was there and seeing that in someone that I had had such deep feelings for really did something to me that I think I may never recover from. It was definitely pathological behavior. Definitely.

I think that when BPDs no longer care for you because you are painted black or just aren't a source of supply/attachment, that their lack of empathy can make them act in a sociopathic manner or at least appear as one to many folks.

My uBPDexgf could give two craps about my wonderful nieces and nephew and my awesome dog.  All 4 of these living beings tried to get her attention and give her affection, and she would ignore them with a cold, creepy scowl that made the rest of my family dislike her.  It was very abnormal to be that cold toward well behaved and nice children and animals.  Everyone has their preferences but if you dislike both kids and dogs to that degree, I'll just come out and say it... .you're a weirdo in terms of standard human and I probably won't like you or trust you ever.


I was so perplexed by this until I realized that my nieces/nephew/dog had nothing to give her in terms of supply she wanted and also she could feel "above" them and superior at least to little kids and a dog.  Whoopty doo... .that's hard!

My one niece especially tried to get her attention, and my ex withheld it in almost a cruel manner.  She made my niece cry several times due to frustration or leaving without saying a word.  My niece had just turned 4 at the time, so I figure that was around my ex's period of abandonment and BPD formation.  So, that might have been triggering to her.  My niece is very fortunate and is shown a lot of love and attention, my ex probably disliked her for that.

Yes, ignored while out, triangulated with friends, family, old and new partners. This was always something that irritated me about her and I never gave her any positive attention when she did this so I never got why do it, it made me dislike her more and more. Ones our last interactions, during a time she was trying to 'get me to come back' she would tell me that she met men who asked her to sleep with them, it just made me think she was a tart and made her less appealing to me. It's such a childish, immature and obvious trick it just made me think really lowly of her.

Weird weird behaviour, if ever a woman came onto me I would never tell my wife, neither would I act on it, but it would hurt and worry her to know that (so I believed!) I was never granted the same care and respect.

Unless someone has a certain reputation, a certain demeanor, or is in a certain location; then they will rarely be approached for casual sex often and in a straightforward way (like "hey, you know what would be a great idea?  if we left right now and had sex.".

If this is happening a lot, then it is telling.

My uBPDexgf put off a certain aura (acted like she was likely promiscuous) and she reaped this type of attention.  It is not a mark of admiration.  A beautiful woman that behaves in a classy way is usually intimidating in this way and will be approached less for casual hook ups.

I remember a concert where my ex and I were waiting in line for a line of port a potties.

When I came out she said with a big grin "while you were in the bathroom a guy told me that you better hurry or someone was gonna steal me away!"

I understand this is at a concert where some people were drinking.  But just her expression while telling me this and the way she looked around at men to get these reactions is just gross to me.

Yes, IMO if you love and care about your partner the last thing you want is them to be worried and apprehensive about the times you are not together. Of course if ever I would react to this I would then be accused of being a jealous prat and given the silent treatment or it escalated into an argument. I would never dream of making my partner feel insecure in this way, she got a rise from making me anxious or seeing me upset by threats to our relationship, it was power for her, but each time it was another just another destabilization of our already rocky relationship. She's a very bright woman, there's no way she didn't know this news would hurt me.

It wasn't limited to this, often when I was down, say I'd had bad news, or was worried about a parents health, the worse the situation for me, the worse she would make me feel and I'd even see her smirking a little or getting a buzz for really twisting the knife. It wasn't even that, if my mother was ill, I was being cruel to her or any such thing, she just seemed to react to my hurt by hurting me more. Maybe she wanted to be the only cause of pain in my life. I've said it before but it was the growing realisation that when something really pulls me down, a parent dying or any other crushing news, she was going to make it much much worse for me. She was a neglectful partner, that was bad, but it was the cruelty that really broke it. And we're back to the psychopath... .

I had only skimmed this through but after reading the full post and Infrareds response I dug a little deeper as this is unbelievable my story. Anyone following my story will know my ex has been sectioned many times so we're in BPD+ territory, comorbid with diagnosis that keep on changing from the doctors. My ex is now apparently depressed, or thats what she wants me to know, we barely speak, either its true and she's been given a harsh diagnosis or not and its just more rubbish. Either way I'm more interested in my healing, things go well for a couple of weeks and every so often a day comes where I feel crushed and unlovable. I just picked the below up from another page of this book.


1. You feel on-edge around this person, but you still want them to like you. You find yourself writing off most of their questionable behavior as accidental or insensitive, because you’re in constant competition with others for their attention and praise. They don't seem to care when you leave their side—they can just as easily move on to the next source of energy.

2. They withhold attention and undermine your self-esteem. After first hooking you with praise and flattery, they suddenly become reclusive and uninterested. They make you feel desperate & needy, ensuring that you are always the one to initiate contact or physical intimacy.

3. Plasters your Facebook page with compliments, flattery, songs, and poems. They text you dozens, if not hundreds of times per day. You come to rely on this over-communication as a source of confidence.

4. Quickly declares you their soul mate. And for some reason, you don’t find it creepy. They tell you how much they have in common with you. On the first few dates, you do most of the talking and they just can’t believe how perfect you are for them.

5. Compares you to everyone else in their life. Ex-lovers, friends, family members, and your eventual replacement. When idealizing, they make you feel special by telling you how much better you are than these people. When devaluing, they use these comparisons to hurt you.

6. Lies & excuses. There is always an excuse for everything, even things that don’t require excusing. They make up lies faster than you can question them. They will always blame others—it is never their fault. They spend more time rationalizing their behavior than improving it.

7. No startle response. Total absence of anxiety, fear, and worry where there otherwise should be. They are also very easily bored by the familiar. You write this off as calm and cool, often feeling inferior and over-sensitive because you have normal human emotions.

8. Insults you with a condescending, joking sort of attitude. Smirks when you try to express yourself. Teasing becomes the primary mode of communication in your relationship. They subtly belittle your intelligence and achievements. If you point this out, they call you hypersensitive and crazy.

9. Uses social networking to provoke jealousy and rivalries while maintaining their cover of innocence. They once focused all of their attention on you, but now they post ambiguous videos and statuses to make you doubt your place in their heart. They bait previously denounced exes with old songs and inside jokes. They attend to new activity and ignores yours.

10. You find yourself playing detective. It’s never happened in any other relationship, but suddenly you’re scrolling back years on their Facebook page and albums. Same with their ex. You’re seeking answers to a feeling you can’t quite explain.

11. Surrounds themselves with former lovers and potential mates. Brags that their exes still want to sleep with him/her, but assures you there is nothing to worry about. These people make you feel jealous and give off the perception that your partner is in high-demand.

12. Hyperbolizes emotions while displaying none of them. They make passionate statements like “I’ve never felt so happy in my life” in a completely robotic voice. It sounds like an alien trying to explain how they imagine human emotions might feel.

13. You are the only one who sees their true colors. Others will think they're the nicest person in the world, even though they are used for money, resources, and attention. They won’t care because he/she strategically distracts them with shallow praise (often done over social networking). Psychopaths are able to maintain superficial friendships far longer than their relationships.

14. Accuses you of emotions that they are intentionally provoking. They will call you jealous after blatantly flirting with their ex over social networking for the world to see. They will call you needy after intentionally ignoring you for three days straight.

15. Cannot put themselves in your shoes, or anyone else’s for that matter. You find yourself desperately trying to explain how they might feel if you were treating them this way, and they just stare at you blankly.

16. You are engaged in constant conversations about their ex. You know them by name, and you know everything about their relationship—at least, your partner's version of events. The ex becomes one of the most frequent topics of discussion in your relationship.

17. You find yourself explaining the basic elements of human respect to a full-grown man/woman. Normal people understand the fundamental concepts of honesty and kindness. No adult should need to be told how they are making other people feel.

18. Focuses on your mistakes and ignores their own. If they're two hours late, don’t forget that you were once five minutes late to your first date. If you point out their mistakes, they will always be quick to turn the conversation back on you.

19. Suddenly and completely bored by you. Gives you the silent treatment and becomes very annoyed that you seem to be interested in continuing the passionate relationship that they created. You are now a chore to them.

20. The ultimate hypocrite. They have extremely high expectations for fidelity, respect, and adoration. After the idealization phase, they will give none of this back to you. They will cheat, lie, insult, and degrade. But you are expected to remain perfect.

21. Sometimes it seems as though they've forgotten who they're supposed to be around you. They adopt different personas for different people—transforming their entire personality to match various audiences. It’s always very eerie when they slip and accidentally use the wrong mask for you. You will start to feel that their personality just doesn’t seem to add up.

22. An unusual amount of “crazy” people in their past. Any ex-partner or friend who did not come crawling back to them will likely be labeled jealous, bipolar, an alcoholic, or some other nasty smear. They will speak about you the same way to their next target.

23. Flatters your deepest insecurities. If you’re self-conscious about your looks, they'll call you the sexiest person in the world. If you’ve got a need to entertain, they'll say you’re the funniest person they've ever known. They will also mirror your greatest fantasies, playing whatever role is necessary to win your heart. (note> and then pull you down with immense pleasure later on)

24. Frequently comments about what you’re wearing and how you look. They try to arrange you. You become obsessed with your appearance, noticing flaws that likely don’t even exist. During and after the relationship, you will spend significantly more time in front of the mirror. (Thank you to our member, ckwanderlust, for these valuable insights).

25. You fear that any fight could be your last. Normal couples argue to resolve issues, but psychopaths make it clear that negative conversations will jeopardize the relationship, especially ones regarding their behavior. You apologize and forgive quickly, otherwise you know they'll lose interest in you.

26. Obsessed with humiliating successful, kind & cheerful people. Delighted by the idea of breaking up friendships and marriages. If you work hard to maintain interpersonal peace in your life, they will make it their mission to uproot all of it.

27. Gaslighting. Blatantly denies their own manipulative behavior and ignores evidence when confronted with it. They will become angry if you attempt to disprove their delusions with facts.

28. They expect you to read their mind. If they stop communicating with you for several days, it’s your fault for not knowing about the plans they never told you about. There will always be a self-victimizing excuse to go along with this.

29. Selfishness and a crippling thirst for attention. They drain the energy from you and consume your entire life. Their demand for adoration is insatiable. You thought you were the only one who could make them happy, but now you feel that anyone with a beating pulse could fit the role. However, the truth is: no one can fill the void of a psychopath’s soul.

30. Your feelings. After a run-in with a psychopath, you will feel insane, exhausted, drained, shocked, suicidal, and empty. You will tear apart your entire life—spending money, ending friendships, and searching for some sort of reason behind it all.

The bolding and highlighting was my edit.

In the end you just don't trust yourself anymore and you can't work out why you're hurt over someone so plainly awful, as they blame you for EVERYTHING, as a reasonable kind person, you search yourself for that kernel of blame and then pump it up to mask the years and years of niggling and outright abuse. It can be interesting, especially if, like for me today, you feel a bit down or wonder if you were right to throw in the towel, but the core question really is why we let this behaviour stand (even if it was frog boiling) and more interestingly, why it has the ability to hurt us for so long afterwards. That's gonna be the climb for many of us.

Wow, this list of red flags describes my ex to a T.   

The most amazing regarding how I was triangulated with my BPDexgf's abusive ex (let's call him J). is that I think I didn't play into the triangulation quite how she wanted.

In the midst of the relationship, I simply tried to be there for her to offer support. If she wanted advice I would tell her that I thought she should cut off her ex entirely but that I understood it was a decision she had to make on her own. I'm not a very type A individual, and I thought it was best to simply be there for her.

As time went on, especially following the recycles, I began to suspect that she wished I had reacted to the situations involving her ex much more forcefully. Basically, I think she actually wanted to cause a fight between us (it got very close on one occasion).

After my ex and her ex were arrested for shoplifting together some major ___ went down, and indeed I almost did get into a fight with her ex. A night or two later, I was with my ex when she got a call from J. He was at her place and apparently found a condom of mine in the trash or something and he went ballistic (he was very unstable). I took my girlfriend home, and she told me to wait in the car because she didn't want to provoke J. I told her I couldn't let her go into that place with J in the state he was, so I made her call her male roommate to keep the peace. After about 5 minutes, she comes out of her place and says that J hit her. I told her we should call the police, but she begged me not to. I relented, but in hindsight I obviously wish I had just called them.

Anyway, this event really weighed on, and I always wondered if I could have done more to protect my girlfriend (now, when I look back on it I know that I did the best I could. I tried to be there for her as much as she would let me). During our last recycle, I opened up to my girlfriend and told her how I felt about everything that went down, that it was something I felt really vulnerable about... .whether or not I protected her enough, whether or not I did enough?

And her response was something to the effect of "I don't know if you could have done more. It's in the past." later she elaborated and said, "Could you have done more? Probably." Fair enough, but at the time I just had this feeling like... .Shouldn't the woman I love want to make me feel more secure about this. And then my next thought was - what more did she want me to do? This was AFTER she and her ex were caught shoplifting. I was the one who spent 6 hours outside the jail waiting for her release to be processed. I was the one who actually bailed her ex out of jail (still waiting to be fully paid back for that... .just kidding, I know I won't). I was the one supporting her through all of it. So, I was pretty hurt that after everything that had happened, her thought was, "could you have done more? probably." That was actually the last straw for me and I broke up with her. It was the last time.