BPDFamily.com

My mom is dBPD. My S/O is Bipolar II. They are the closest family I have around to help with raising my [our] children. Lucky me. My S/O is on medication, but often I feel his behavior is very similar to that of my mother's. In fact, I had a T tell me that I have such patience with him due to my upbringing with my mother.

An example of a similarity is in putting themselves first. Growing up, my mom always put her needs/wants above that of mine. Ex: At 16 and already changed high schools once, she moved us again despite the fact that I had one year left and didn't want to leave. We didn't have to; she wanted to move. My S/O does that to our whole family including our children today as well. Ex: We were tight on money. Without asking or considering our daughter needed tutoring, he spent $1000 on a new bicycle for himself. With both of them, there is absolutely no way of articulating the needs of others and having them actually listen. It would be an eye roll from them and I would end up apologizing for bringing it up.

That being said, do you think some of the ways I deal with my mother may work on my S/O? It can be extremely difficult an emotionally exhausting. I feel I'm at my wits end with it, but I'm unsure of what to do.

The validation tools can work on anyone, PD or not, but it doesn't mean it isn't frustrating to deal with people who are self absorbed.

We have a duscussion on BP and BPD. Is there anything there which you think might help?

What is the relationship between BPD and bipolar disorder? (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=162165)

One of my favorite discussions here is the one on emotional immaturity. No matter what's diagnosed or not, it's the behaviors which affect others. This is more of the radical acceptance path.

Emotional Immaturity (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=60935.0)

Is it hard to accept that they are who they are? My T said that he thought that a lot of my anger stemmed from fighting this...