BPDFamily.com

As many of you know... .my husband had a stroke last October and it's been challenging.  Most of the crap that I've had to deal with has dissipated.  He gets his panties in a bunch but I tell him to go away and he does.  I sleep in my studio when I need peace and he doesn't get offended.  I'm sure things could be better, but I know that they could be worse.  I'm counting my blessings and enjoying the life that I have.  It's not perfect, but we're human so perfection is just not an option.

|iiii    

Amen to that. 

Perspective on what has been and an honest look at what is now relaxes me... .and gives me hope. 

Rocky,

I'm glad that you have found a life that works for you.  Do you expect improvement in symptoms from the stroke or do you think you are at a steady state of affairs... .for long term.

FF

Rocky what this post tells me is that even when the sky seems to fall in around you, you walk away with he frustration of it all, rather than resentment.

Frustration is like a summer storm. Full of energy but passes and the sun comes out and you can smell the roses again.

Resentment on the other hand is like endless grey drizzly days, its just plain unpleasant and it taints your attitude to everything and completely saps your enthusiasm. So you end up dreaming you were anywhere else but where you are.

Accepting frustration is going to happen, and it is going to pass. I can cope with that. I get frustration at least once a day, but its teflon coated, it never sticks

I need to work on that "teflon" coating. LOL  4 months of counseling in part to help drop my anger and resentments helped a lot, but I know I have a ways to go.  Part of that for me is learning to relax and enjoy extended periods of peace now that my husband and I are separated for now while he heads into therapy and I work on my own stuff in hopes we can reconcile at some point.  it's only been a little over a week so it's still fresh, but I have more hope than I have had in a long time.  Kudos to you for focusing on the positives over the negatives.  :-)

Was there a key to getting to this point?  An "ahhh haa" moment... .or something that has been gradually worked on.

FF

I'd like to get to this point in all areas of my life. My frustrations with my husband have gone down dramatically, yet I still find myself with the inability to handle the incompetence of co-workers ^.^

No its an evolution, probably comes with true acceptance that you can't fix it, only get on with living besides it.

Yesterday I lost it, raised my voice and told her if she is going to act like that she can spend the rest of the day on her own and stormed out. Totally against all rules of engagement, but I didn't care, if it escalated I could fix/avoid it. After leaving and muttering to myself the stress was gone withing a couple of minutes. Came back after spending some productive time at the hardware store and drama was over.

At one time I would have been churning it over and over in my head, compounding it by adding in "here we go agains" and "is it ever going to end"... blah blah, messing with my day and priming me for next time it happens... Thats resentment.

Once you are confident in dealing with dysfunction you are less afraid of triggering it, this brings a feeling of choice rather than obligation. Fear of something also feeds resentment as you can't apply the necessary "whatever" disassociation that helps you let it go.


Take yourself out of being in the movie Ground Hog day, and into the audience with full knowledge that it is only a movie. See it for what it is, have a mind set and life outside of the movie. I can't stop the reel from rolling but I dont have to get too engrossed in it, its just a movie and I know the plot