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Right now I am angry...   and I'm not sure how to deal with it. 

I'm not sure how to constructively deal with anger about the times she's raged at me, treated me like I am insignificant, and lied to me.

I'm in a pattern of just going back and taking it, hoping that it will be better (sometimes it is better than others, sometimes it's not bad at all), but mostly it is difficult.

Even when I realize that her behavior is a reflection of what she is feeling, and is showing more about her than it does about me.  It still isn't easy to not want to lash out...

I'm not doing very well at detaching, either... .  It seems I'm just in a cycle of self-destruction with this woman, and I'm not sure I even want to stop.  I certainly don't want anything terrible to happen, but it seems like that is the way it is going.

Please help.

Thanks,

rg

Have you discussed this with a T? I find that exercise is the best way to overcome anger  |iiii

I found that working through my anger with a T to be very helpful to me.  My ex continued to do very hurtful things toward me even though she had run off with new supply and sometimes a rage I never felt in my entire life just consumed me. I needed help with that... and I needed to recognize that I needed extra help with that. I think that a relationship and the ending of one with a BPD can really cause anyone to be filled with a lot of anger. Processing it in healthy ways that allowed me to move forward was the challenge for me. Directing it at my ex or her new victim was not going to get me where I needed to go. She would also have found much enjoyment in that. I was giving up none of that to her.

Speaking with a therapist about this is a good suggestion.  I will do that.  Honestly, this is the most anger I've had over anything in my life.

I know the anger is coming from the hurt, but it's not easy to deal with either of these emotions.

Thanks for the suggestions.,

rg