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My Ex wifes true colours are coming out daily and i get the odd bit of feedback from mutual friends and the more i hear the stronger i become

how about you folks? 

They key is to remember all the negative which is why i saved emails and txts and dont be fooled by the positives.  Rereading nasty txts and emails is very helpful.

Absolutely... .SPOT ON!

The more I didn't react to all the lies and distortions the stronger I became. The more I held my head up high and didn't accept her behaviors as having anything to do with me the stronger I became. The more I focused on me and making positive changes within myself the stronger I became. When I learned to let go and gave her and her actions over to God the stronger I became.

I was able to let go of the Anger and it was life changing. I can't control her actions all I can control is how I react to them.

Good Post... .Thanks for Sharing!

MWC... .*)

I was really scared of my ex partners histrionics and didn't understand what split black was at the time and spoke to my P about her behaviors.

Her answer was simple, calming "Mutt, these are her actions it's not for you to worry about"

I had my chin-up and it re-enforced the sentiments that the truth has a way of working out on it's own and that silence is a source of great strength.


I let my actions or inactions speak for itself.

I'm not entangled in conflict and chaos, at the time it was hard to fathom days that were peaceful.

For me, hearing some of the stuff she's said about our relationship and how divorced from reality it was really helped me accept that there's nothing I can do to fix the relationship. When I've said that I think our relationship is dysfunctional many times, we're in shouting arguments routinely, and spend more time sleeping separately than together, and she broke up with me, but she can still believe that the relationship ending was a surprise, it's clear that we're not living in the same world. There's no point in trying to make a relationship work if someone really thinks that constant shouting and multi-day anger over things like 'what does this mexican food menu item mean' is a stable, healthy form for one.

For me its painful as the smears are nothing that are truthful or even deserved.

Gonzalo, that made me LOL about the food. I can relate.

I'm currently trying to end my relationship, and it's nothing but easy. Everything is my fault, I've destroyed her life, and she's hell bent on destroying mine. Last night she was threatening to call my boss to have me fired. Which might actually work, not from what she says to my boss, but because of the drama she brings to my job, and I've not been doing well at my job in some regards because of the verbal and emotional abuse I get at home, and it has affected my work. My boss is not tolerant of drama.

My huge crime is that she was black out drunk the other night, passed out on the floor. She's been drinking way too much, and before work, and driving now (which she hasn't done before). I thought she was dead. After I figured out she was not dead and just wasted, I freaked out and contacted her close personal friend. Because I can do nothing right for her, but still cared that she was spiraling out of control. Her friend talked to her, which caused her to rage at me, and threaten my job, since I threatened her job (she didn't threaten her own job by drinking before working, but I threatened her job by calling her good friend to reach out and try to help her).

It's always a no win. And now I have to come to terms with possibly losing my job over this, and be ok about it, because if I freak out, it just gives her control. So I have to let her smear me, and do nothing, because my reaction gives her fuel to manipulate, control and abuse me more.

Ditto. It just makes me really really sad.  :'(

 unfortunately she smeared me to her children who I love... .sick!

In other food-related news, one of the things that she did when she broke up with me was to throw the cake I had made for her birthday in the sink. I took a picture of it and kept it on my phone to look at if I was tempted to get back together. So many of the stories sound completely insane when you talk about them later, don't they?

This is the hardest thing for me too I think... .particularly when you discover its been going on longer than you thought. He told people I was a drug addict, I stole (then wrecked) his rental car while on vacation 8 years ago, I was crazy... .oh and also stalking him. He has also threatened the police and restraining orders many times. Its very sad.

My ex said I was abusing her,stalking her, and harrassing her.  She would often txt me hundreds of times while she was raging then say if you dont stop txting me ill file a restaining order. lol

Lol. My ex would scream "stop hitting me or ill file abuse charges" as he was hitting himself. Lol.

Its imes like these beachbabe you need to remember when your week.  I saved the last bunch of insane txts and whenever I get depressed or want to try and make peace I read them and say screw it... .whats the point.

Im not sure as I have zero contact with her or any of her friends. Not that it matters as I was pretty much hidden from all her friends. I suspect Im black balled because she gave the same song and dance about her ex husband and other past BF's, so Im sure Im spoken of no different. My only regret is what she told her 5 kids. I loved them like I loved my own kids.

Ah the kids. That is hard. How old were they?

I feel you Deeno... .my ex had 2 kids I love very much, she txted me she told them I left her for my ex which is crazy.  Kinda hurts that were now part of the horrible ex club.

8 to 15. oldest is friends with my son... .