BPDFamily.com

Hi,

I'm new to this site and have had a very difficult time with my ex-wife who I just learned is probable to have BPD and the more I learn about the disorder, the more curious I get to find peace of mind and solutions. We have two amazing boys together, and they are 7 and 9. I am very concerned about them and the more I find out about her passing them off to various friend to watch them so she can go out all night and lie after lie, etc. I'm very desperate for suggestions on how to handle a person like this, next steps, etc... .My main concern is the well-being of my boys.

Very Concerned Dad.

Hi there and hello! Welcome to the site.

This is a great place to come for support, and to learn that you're not alone. It's challenging to co-parent with someone who suffers from BPD. Even if she is pre-clinical BPD, and not full-blown BPD, it can still be a struggle. You're a caring dad and love your boys, and probably want them to grow up emotionally resilient despite having a mentally ill parent. It's possible, although it takes some big changes in our approach.

How long have you been divorced? What kind of custody arrangement do you have? Do the boys seem to be doing ok? I found it helpful to read about typical reactions of kids to divorce. This gave me a baseline about what was "normal" emotional/psychological adjustment, and what was a sign of something more troubling. There's an article here you might find useful: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=271677.msg12577885#msg12577885

How are you holding up? Co-parenting with someone who has BPD is not easy, and can take a toll. I hope you find peace and solutions here.

LnL

Document, document, document. You can slowly build a case and seek various remedies - agreements where you get first refusal if she can't watch the kids, etc. Lots of people here can help you.