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Title: Why do I keep an eye out for my ex? Post by: valet on April 10, 2015, 09:52:01 AM This was worse after the initial breakup, but I still catch myself looking around for my BPD ex sometimes when I'm outside. It can produce strong feelings of anxiety, and occasional disassociation, but I'm not quite sure how to correct it. I'm assuming its some kind of rumination, but I'm not totally sure.
Anyone have any ideas/methods on how to stop this behavior? I feel that's it is significantly delaying my recovery, and is quite uncomfortable, as it prevents me from being present in the moments when I do it. Title: Re: Why do I keep an eye out for my ex? Post by: DyingLove on April 10, 2015, 10:06:52 AM This was worse after the initial breakup, but I still catch myself looking around for my BPD ex sometimes when I'm outside. It can produce strong feelings of anxiety, and occasional disassociation, but I'm not quite sure how to correct it. I'm assuming its some kind of rumination, but I'm not totally sure. Anyone have any ideas/methods on how to stop this behavior? I feel that's it is significantly delaying my recovery, and is quite uncomfortable, as it prevents me from being present in the moments when I do it. I did this too! While I was still under the same roof, but broke-up, would look for her out the window... .in fact there is something "in me" that still provokes that same feeling... .and I'm 1300 miles away! I check my email often, the only one that I know she knows the email address of. When I got back I changed my phone number... .I gave it to people,,and if she has any intelligence or desire to do so, she'll be able to get it. I'll be watching this thread, I'm interested also how others do it. Title: Re: Why do I keep an eye out for my ex? Post by: mitatsu on April 10, 2015, 10:10:35 AM stockholm syndrome?
www.counsellingresource.com/lib/therapy/self-help/stockholm/2/ (http://www.counsellingresource.com/lib/therapy/self-help/stockholm/2/) Title: Re: Why do I keep an eye out for my ex? Post by: valet on April 10, 2015, 10:17:44 AM I think the thing that I find most unusual about it is that if I did actually see her it wouldn't bother me. Even if she approached me and started a conversation I'm 100% confident that I would be my natural, good-natured, funny self, and that if I actually wanted her back in any capacity it wouldn't be too difficult of a task. I guess that sounds pretty narcissistic of me, but I find myself questioning what will happen months and years down the road, because I truly do want a friendship with her (and absolutely nothing more; I will not let her be my problem anymore).
Is it just a matter of distracting yourself when you start looking around so your mind doesn't stay fixated on it? That seems like a simple solution to the problem, and often the simplest one is the best one. stockholm syndrome? Interesting theory. I should educate myself a little bit more. It would probably shed some light on a few behaviors of mine that I've yet to pinpoint. Title: Re: Why do I keep an eye out for my ex? Post by: Pingo on April 10, 2015, 10:23:19 AM Hi valet, I read in a book (sorry, can't remember which one now) that this is a normal part of letting go of such a deep attachment. I did this also in the early months, watching for him wherever I drove. It lessens in time. 10 mths out and I only think about it if I see a truck the same as his.
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