BPDFamily.com

So as many of us are certainly aware of many BPDs react by isolating and giving us the silent treatment. Any pursuit into their isolation to be met with a whirlwind of fury.

What methods have you found that are useful in these types of situations? Coping strategies included.

My ex would isolate in the same house for weeks... .if I tried to talk or touch her she would flip... never really understood this,  I think its just a test of wills or to punish you... .I never found anyway to get her out of it besides wait.

Agreed. I usually have to wait him out. It's frustrating to get no resolution sometimes, but I've come to accept this as part of the disorder. Pulling away is his go-to coping mechanism whenever he gets overwhelmed. I used to take it personal, like he was trying to punish me. Now I believe it's more a method of regaining control of their emotions. If his goal was to provoke a response, not giving him one is often the best remedy. So I found that the less I let his silent treatments bother me, the quicker he does his coping and comes back around. During these times I try to remain calm, keep myself busy and carry on with life as usual. This allows me to be in the right frame of mind when he decides to break the silence. Being able to return safely without enduring an earful from me arguing, embarrassing or shaming him has made a world of difference.

I've noticed an unbelievable pattern of how much shorter these silent treatments last once I stopped reacting to them. The goal isn't really to stop this behavior, teach them anything, or trigger an abandonment fear. But to give them the space they need to cope in the only way they know how, and to limit our role in the drama their withdrawal creates.

My ex was a bit different... she wouldnt talk to me or a couldnt talk to her no matter what I did ( including beging and pleading ) she had no problem txting me 100s of times.  It was so frustrating when she choose to argue threw txts and emails while living under the same roof.  These txting sessions could and would last all day, all week if I kept responding.  Try arguing with a BPD constantly threw txt.

I agree... .the best way is to give them space. Sometimes that's tough around everyday activities, but it's the only way I have found.

Makes for some really boring car rides, when I don't even know what she is upset about. I do believe that many times it's not about me, but some other issue that so occupies her mind that there isn't room for even a pleasant convo with me. THAT must be a tough life to lead.

And we all know how they are not going to share their true feelings, or whatever is upsetting them.

Hang in there-she will get over it!

Rat

Been there, done that. It's exhausting... .and circular... .and painful... .and also pointless... .The last time he started to argue via text I told him I was blocking him, and then did it. So he emailed me the next morning asking if he was still blocked. I told him I had unblocked him... .but he stopped bombarding me with ugly text messages by then. He still didn't speak to me for a week after that... .but he came around. When we later discussed it, he acted as if I had two heads based on my version of the facts. Obviously he had distorted the facts since his feelings had changed by then. So I dropped it and shrugged off the whole thing.

It takes 2 to argue. I wasn't even sure what triggered the argument so it was impossible to respond properly. Withdrawing from the argument left him to agonize in his own misery. Waiting him out is what works for me. May not work for everyone... .I just blocked him out of self-preservation. Reading and re-reading his hurtful words he probably won't mean after he calms down does neither of us any good.

I must also add that since this is in the improving relationship section that I believe not engaging her in her arguments and games was a big reason she kicked me out the last time... .i didnt feed into her drama and I think it bored her and she thought I didnt care.  So I really have no clue. LOL havent heard from her since... .3 weeks. Lived with her 3 years.