BPDFamily.com

Hi, I am new to this forum and really need to find out more about coping and skills that help. I have a daughter 17 almost 18 and she is dual diagnosis. ADHD, anxiety, severe depression and BPD. My life often is in upheavel. I have been in what feels like battles with schools, watched her loose friends, seen her suicidal and gone through many counselors. I have endured scrutiny, looks and judgement as she has grown up and tried over and over to help, often with her angry side erupting at me. I am tired and still trying and looking for support, a ear and new ideas. I am also scared silly as she gets closer to 18 because of insurance changes, legal adulthood and the responsibility that come with it. Thank you

Hi BambooSpiral

Dealing with a daughter with BPD and also several other diagnoses, isn't easy. There are things you (and your daughter) can learn that might make the situation more manageable. That's why I am glad you're reaching out for support here.

Your daughter has been diagnosed with BPD and has been through many counselors. When was she diagnosed and is she getting (or did she get) any targeted treatment for her BPD?

To help you get started here, I suggest you take a look at the lessons and tools to the right of this message board. They can help you get a better understanding of what's going on with your daughter and also help you learn new ways of dealing with her.

You also mention seeing your daughter suicidal. I can only imagine how difficult this must have been for you as her mother. Did your daughter get help for her suicidal ideation?

Take care

Hi Bamboo Spiral,

We are glad to have you here with us.

I'm sorry to learn that your d17 has BPD and struggles with other diagnoses as well.  Is she currently seeing a counselor?  Do you do this together with her?

We can help you with learning about BPD and why your daughter behaves/believes/feels as she does.  There are self care, communication, and coping skills that can help you, your relationship with her, and have a positive affect on her.  Have you learned a lot about BPD and the core criteria?  If so... . have you been able to get an understanding of how these behaviors manifest from her belief systems about herself and the world?

Here is an interesting discussion that can help give you a perspective on some of what your daughter feels:

BPD Behaviors: Understanding the borderline mind--How it feels to have BPD (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=67059.0)

I look forward to learning more about you and how to best support you going forward.

lbj

Thank you for the starting thoughts. I have had my daughter in counseling since she was about 5. She has seen several people. In the beginning it was because of behaviors and ADHD. We are looking for a new person on my insurance as I was paying everything out of pocket all last year and her counselor was booked for 4 months out to May and it has taken since February to find someone who can work with her. It seems like consistency and her wanting to stay with and talk to a person is really difficult. She has flairs where she is suicidal ( has never acted, threatened ) and we have worked on this and continue to with counselors. We recently got testing done and that is how I landed here and for the first time, all of this is making sense. I can see so many things in what I am reading to be true for her. I have tried so hard to help her over the years, but I have felt like I was missing something.

Thanks for the info Bamboo Spiral,

Since receiving the test results what kind of therapist are you looking for to address the Axis 2 disorder of BPD?  Does your insurance cover DBT therapy?  Sadly some don't.

How are you doing?  Are you taking care of yourself and giving yourself space to rest from time to time... .taking mental and emotional space to have some peace?

lbj