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My 16 yr old daughter doesn't understand why I worry and stress if I sense that her mood is down. She just doesn't seem to realise how traumatic her OD attempt has been for me or for those who love her. I've told her I can't go through it again. I suffer from bipolar 1 and the stress of caring for her triggered an episode last year. I'm just getting back on my feet. How do I help her to understand how terrorised everyone is from her actions. My poor parents were the ones who came to our house. They had to ring an ambulance. She had also self harmed by cutting. My daughter just doesn't seem to be able to comprehend how upsetting this is for everyone. I don't know if I say the right things or not

Hi JustAMum

After what you've been through with your daughter I understand why you are so sensitive to any shifts in her mood. Are there any specific events that seem to trigger negative moods in your daughter?

I've read in your other posts that her OD attempt was not long after you got out of hospital yourself. Has your daughter given any insights into why she did what she did at this specific moment? Has she ever talked about how she experienced it when you were in hospital and/or shown any insights into how her behavior triggered an episode in you?

You've recently been diagnosed with bipolar 1 and said you are doing ok but that it's been tough which is very understandable. Are you getting treatment for your bipolar 1?

Your daughter's behavior is concerning but it's a very positive thing that she is seeing a therapist for DBT. When your daughter made that OD attempt last year, was she already seeing this therapist then and getting DBT? Do you feel like your daughter would benefit from more frequent appointments with this therapist?

They are fully aware of the damage they cause to themselves or others, so don't fear that part of the battle is getting them to understand what they've done in the first place.

BPD causes strange reactions when the person suffering from it feels guilt or shame. Part of these strange reactions is their tendency to draw a blank when confronted with something awful they've done.

Yes she was in therapy when she made the attempt. She sees a psych and a psychologist. She has only begun DBT this year.They both knew that she was struggling to remain safe. She had gone off her antidepressant meds. I don't know why her psych didn't hospitalise her. He has said that he didnt want to start her on the revolving door of psych hospitals. He won't officially diagnose her until she's 18.

I have a psych also. I don't see a psychologist. I've been stable for 6 months after being ill for the majority of last year. It's hard dealing with my own mental health issues as well as hers.

She's only 16 and I don't recall having much empathy at that age. I wonder if she feels there's no room to safely ride out her depression if she senses she is under a microscope.  It's brings to mind someone who steals something and gets caught and now sees that all eyes are on them and nobody trusts them and thinks they will steal again and yet, they still have to go to the store to buy what they need.  And I get why you are on edge, given all the trauma you experienced, too, during her OD.  I find it very difficult myself to let go and have some peace and I have not been through an OD like that with my D.  But I see myself watching too close for her comfort and catching myself holding worry in my head even when things are going well.   

Have you read Blaise Aguirre's book about BPD in adolescence? Here is a book review:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=274101.msg12597754#msg12597754

Dr. Aguirre is a leading researcher and MD who works with BPD adolescents at McLeans hospital, and he is very adamant that BPD can be diagnosed before the age of 18, and should be. You might find that it helps you clarify how you think treatment for your D should go -- and whether your current Dr. could benefit from reading this book.

There is a 2nd edition that came out September 2014, so much of the research is relatively recent.

LnL

Yes, I'm catching myself worrying when things are going well. I'm working on that. There was a time not long ago where all I could see was the negative. After her OD attempt I fell into a deep depression. I am only now just starting to come out of it.

We are here to support you JustAMum 

Thankyou... .I need all the support I can get.